OP, can you walk to a playground? When we moved we would walk in the evenings (before baby) and then with her in a carrier and stroller. Tried to catch the dog walking time and met a lot of neighbors. Walked on weekends and chatted with people doing yard work etc. made a bunch of neighbor friends. First snow (we moved in devember( my DH baked 4 dozen cookies and we packed them up and took to our next door neighbors on all sides. We have been in our house 3 years now and have been to lots of neighborhood events and invite people ourselves. I am a huge talked tough and super friendly to everyone so that helps.

Fake it till you make it. Instead of looking at what you dont like about your new neighborhood, what do you like? Loving the house and the school are great places to start!

Re: connecting w/your neighbors, can you host an open house to get to know your neighbors? It took me about 2 years in my current neighborhood before I got to meet neighbors who I am friends with (vs just neighbors who I would have nothing in common with otherwise). However in order to meet these neighbors I really had to put myself out there--become involved in neighborhood activities, etc. Not just wait for them to come to me.

We will move in about 5 years time. this makes me think we should rent in the neighborhood first or nearby before buying.

Anonymous wrote:
If you moved for such important reasons as school and house, I think you'll get used to your new life. Progressively.

Statements like this are ridiculous. While we can all agree that some neighborhoods have objectively terrible schools that are non starters, 90 percent of the region offers a gradient. That is, you may have the absolute best school in the country an hour outside the beltway (I'm making this up because I have no idea), but there are tons of 7 out of ten schools all over this region that absolutely would suffice. Same thing with houses.

Given all those options and the very very different lifestyles that can be had among those options (ie some can be living in a townhouse at the top of Bethesda metro while other have five acres with horses) it does not follow that a person who enjoys the former (walking in Bethesda) will by necessity learn to love the latter, just because the school is slightly better and the house is twice the size.

Also, I'm a big believer that the absolute best school in the country with a big house will offer a less good life for your kids on balance of mom and dad are unhappy and not leading the life that fits them.

It's always taken me a year or two to adjust after a move. It gets harder as you age. I found that regular exercising really helps get me out of the gloomy state of mind that can sometimes set in when you're cut off from the community. And don't rush it... it's just something that has to take its time.

What's crazy to me is that people keep doing this over and over again, even though they know ahead of time that they have no friends or real connection to the new area. What blow up your life for more house? Because that's what it really comes down to....more space for....what?

Kids are resilient, they adapt to whatever you give them.

OP I feel the same way. We lived in our last neighborhood (outside the beltway) for 8 yrs. and in that general community for 18 yrs. It was a pretty transient area with lots of military people and lots of townhouses.... so we saw people moving all the time. We moved for a shorter commute and schools (to another area outside the beltway). I didn't realize until now how attached we were. We knew we liked our old area, but we optimistically assumed that we'd find another area with great things as well.

I'm not so sure. The people who live here seem to think it's the cat's meow....but I think it's really just what you are used to. Your expectations are based in what you had. For us, it's a lot about the history of knowing where to go for things and being known by people we see in the neighborhood. It really was a lot easier to get around in our old area. So, I feel the same as you.

Daily, I fight two voices in my head --- one saying "give it your all to see this in a positive light" and the other saying "this sucks -- I don't fit in -- I want to go back to where we know things". I try to squish the latter and embrace the former... but it is hard.

We made a very logical decision to move based on very important issues (commute and school), but we did not give enough weight to the subjective factors (history, heart = home). Being known and feeling like you know a place --- those are more important than we realized. I also feel that we've kind of passed the best age of getting to know other people b/c our kids are around MS age and we aren't doing playgroups or sports leagues anymore. We can't sign them up for activities and use that to get more familiar with the area... and they are not joiners. So, the efforts that we made in our old neighborhood aren't going to work her.

Fortunately, my spouse believes that happiness is more important than $ --- so, we leave open the possibility of moving back.

It's been over a decade for me and I don't like mine. Thing is I never expected to. It was not possible to live where I wanted and give my kids the life I wanted for them (schools and that sort of thing). So fornthese two decades I am concentrating on the fact that I love the life that I'm giving my family. As soon as the youngest hits college, we're moving - but since I have a decade age difference between the oldest and youngest, I still have awhile to go.

I'm sorry, OP. We had a similar experience with a move to another part of the country. We had tons of space, high ranked schools, and all the trappings of "the American Dream."

We were miserable. Miserable. The Stepford facade was masking all sorts of things in that community, including virulent racism against the residents of a nearby majority Black city.

We left and no intention of ever going back. Turns out it is more important to us to be happy and fulfilled people, who can then be present and patient for our kids, than to live where everyone said we should want to live.

It takes a year. Be patient!

Improve your attitude.

Building positive experiences will help replace the vacancies in your mind. Right now, you have so many good memories that you apply to your current circumstance. Once positive images start popping up and replace your old thoughts, you'll be more in the present and able to enjoy where you are.

Get into your garden. Decorate your front steps. Have a positive encounter with a neighbor. Sip wine in the moonlight in your new backyard, while looking at the stars.

Feed your brain some positives and that is what it will reflect back to you.

And, I agree to give it a year. It takes time for these moments to accumulate. Do your part and speed up the process by encouraging these moments.

If you moved for such important reasons as school and house, I think you'll get used to your new life. Progressively.

Give it at least a year.

Anyone else been through this? We moved outside the beltway and I hate my new neighborhood. I can't walk anywhere, haven't connected with any of the neighbors, and we feel so far removed from anything. I love the house and the school and I'm trying to find the silver linings. I've given it three months. Will I get over it?