No. Mom needed to have that convo with her ex. And if college for her kids was important to her, she should have been saving too.

Then she needed to have that convo with her current husband, before they married, and said she is prioritizing $xx a month for college for the kids. Either she'd work to earn it or he'd be ok with paying it.

If she hasn't done this, then don't blame the step dad.

I had to get student loans. Nobody could afford to pay my way.

I don't think anyone should be "on the hook" to fund college.

Anonymous wrote:Morally, yes.

Yes. The parents who are unable to pay are utterly immoral. Immoral!

The kids are up a creek.

I worked my way through college. Never expected anyone to pay my way.

Morally, yes.

Stepmom here. DH had sole custody of kids, so I feel like I raised them. Absolutely we paid for their college, as we will for the kids we had together. If BIL has been in their life that long, he should care about helping them out.

My stepmother was like this. My dad married her when I was 3. She was very wealthy, but wouldn't drop a dime for me and my sister. Spent loads on her own children--private K-12, new cars when they turned 16, etc. Set up trusts for them. My sister and I bought our own cars and went to public school. Wouldn't help pay for college, not that we expected her to at that point.
Bred a lot of resentment in our family, especially as we got older and it became very apparent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not required to...but what an asshole.

Yep. And the mom too if she goes along with him. I knew several middle-class kids when I was growing up, who got totally screwed over for college because of divorce (and parental selfishness).

+2. My jackoff cousin did the this to his step-kids. He wanted wife to be a SAHM, cut the kids off from their bio dad because cousin didn't like being reminded his wife had ever been married before, but any time money was involved, he went full "they aren't my kids, they aren't my problem" and his wife went along with it.

does step dad say the same thing about his bio kids?

where is the bio dad?

Anonymous wrote:He's not required to...but what an asshole.

Yep. And the mom too if she goes along with him. I knew several middle-class kids when I was growing up, who got totally screwed over for college because of divorce (and parental selfishness).

He's not required to...but what an asshole.

I think there is a moral obligation if he is acting as a parent as they are growing up. Does he have any say in their upbringing? Help set nd enforce rules? Help with homework? coach?

My BIL probably makes $100K and has been with wife since the kids were very young. He wants the wife to be a stay at home mom. So he is sole breadwinner and doesn't get that his tax returns are used for financial aid calculations, which means the kids don't qualify for much aid (outside of generous Ivy League colleges). I heard him say "If they want to go to college they need to earn scholarships. They're on they're own. They can go get loans if they have to. Not getting a dime from me." Correct me if I'm wrong but don't all student loans need a breadwinner to co-sign, i.e. him?