Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. These are great suggestions! The going to bed at same time is key yet so difficult. He's an early bird and I'm a night owl. I'm going to work on trying to shift.

We're like that too -, night owl & early bird. But I make sure to spend night time with him every night (and then I resume my other things once he's asleep).
Back scratches are his thing too, didn't know others did that

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We go to bed at same time, though I stay up later and read. We wake up together, always, and have a pot of coffee before getting out of bed.

Is your coffee machine beside your bed? Do your kids serve you coffee in bed? I don't get it.

For some reason I am very puzzled by this. (Even more than the mom whose 7 year old made spaghetti in the morning before school.)

Maybe they have a servant. Having a servant greatly improves marriage.

Something we do is to try to do positive things together, especially new experiences. Another is to try to see the other person's point of view, and to try to understand what needs are behind what they say and do. Like, he needs to feel appreciated and I need to feel heard. I'm a worrier and he's a perfectionist. Both of us had hypercritical, invalidating parents, and we spend extra time assuring each other we're heard and validated and accepted. Our kids are probably going to grow up and say, "Ugh, our parents were exhausting together" and will go out of their way to find the least intense partners they can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We go to bed at same time, though I stay up later and read. We wake up together, always, and have a pot of coffee before getting out of bed.

Is your coffee machine beside your bed? Do your kids serve you coffee in bed? I don't get it.

For some reason I am very puzzled by this. (Even more than the mom whose 7 year old made spaghetti in the morning before school.)

Occasionally I'll surprise him by picking up his favourite dessert from this special restaurant just because. I could do a lot more but he's kind of killed my love for him by being a cheating lying prick.

Anonymous wrote:We go to bed at same time, though I stay up later and read. We wake up together, always, and have a pot of coffee before getting out of bed.

Is your coffee machine beside your bed? Do your kids serve you coffee in bed? I don't get it.

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. These are great suggestions! The going to bed at same time is key yet so difficult. He's an early bird and I'm a night owl. I'm going to work on trying to shift.

You don't have to stay in bed. Just for a bit. Then you can have some "me" time.

We go to bed at same time, though I stay up later and read. We wake up together, always, and have a pot of coffee before getting out of bed.

Anonymous wrote:Practice speaking kindly to each other.

+1

I'm the OP. These are great suggestions! The going to bed at same time is key yet so difficult. He's an early bird and I'm a night owl. I'm going to work on trying to shift.

Practice speaking kindly to each other.

Depends on what your husbands love language is. My dh's heart melts when I do things for him and a back scratch is like the cherry on top. I had an ex that wanted gifts really badly.

Let's add in you have kids, 10 and under.

We don't have a TV in the bedroom and we go to bed at the same time, so almost every day we spend a few minutes before bed just talking, laughing, and connecting. Often it leads to more than that, but unwinding together at the end of the day really helps me feel connected and in tune with him.

Anonymous wrote:I'm looking for some creative solutions or suggestions. I do a lot to make our marriage work but I could do more. I seem to be running out of ideas.

I like and respect my husband and he likes and respects me. He is my best friend and I'm his. We face life as a team. I support and encourage him. Of course we love each other too but truly liking your spouse is more important than some people realize.

I don't know what type of ideas you are looking for.

I leave him notes. I talk to him and really listen to what is going on in his day. I make his favorite meal just because.

Maybe some more details and I could help you more.

I'm looking for some creative solutions or suggestions. I do a lot to make our marriage work but I could do more. I seem to be running out of ideas.