"So you can find a quality husband and have babies. Now get your nose back to the grindstone, missy!"

Anonymous wrote:I tell my kids that the point is to give themselves options. Work had in high school and then college so you have choices for how you want to work/live in the future.

And this can be achieved whether or not she gets into Penn or wherever else she wanted.

I tell my kids that the point is to give themselves options. Work had in high school and then college so you have choices for how you want to work/live in the future.

I'm not Christian- but that was lovely and yes- that is the point. To be able to develop your talents in a way that allows you to be of the best possible service to others and to live fulfilled life of understanding.

Stanley Hauerwas wrote a beautiful piece in the magazine First Things back in 2010 for Christian students heading off to college. That's its primary point of view, but the following resonates for everyone, I think:

"To be a student is a calling. Your parents are setting up accounts to pay the bills, or you are scraping together your own resources and taking out loans, or a scholarship is making college possible. Whatever the practical source, the end result is the same. You are privileged to enter a time—four years!—during which your main job is to listen to lectures, attend seminars, go to labs, and read books.

It is an extraordinary gift. In a world of deep injustice and violence, a people exists that thinks some can be given time to study."

The problems of the world are huge, and we want our children to learn empathy, argument, reason, and knowledge, to be able to solve the big problems and to be of service to one another in our communities. That's the point. And she can do it anywhere, not just at Penn or Duke. (Though if she goes to Duke, she should find an excuse to take a class with Hauerwas!)

Full article here if anyone is interested: https://www.firstthings.com/article/2010/10/go-with-god.

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the rat race, the fixation with elite colleges, all hoop jumping, all the tutoring, etc. For a moment I was speechless. In the end I just told her, "You'll regret it if you don't push yourself." What is the point?

Hmm, I regret pushing myself so hard. I pushed very hard through high school, went to a highly selective college, graduated with honors but hugely burnt out, and spent the next 5 years trying to find myself again. I had no idea why I was there or what I wanted to learn or do. If you arrive at the prestigious school the wrong way -- just because you did everything your parents asked -- you won't know what to make of the opportunities there.

Education is never wasted. That said, she doesn't have to participate in the rat race if she doesn't want to. My mom lives in a beautiful cabin in the Catskills on shockingly little money. If you are good at budgeting and don't eat out and have to always have the latest and greatest, you can get along on surprisingly little.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she talking about not going to college at all or just wondering why everyone is obsessed with getting into an Ivy when you can just go to a state school, have fun, and still have a good life?

Strong schools. She's always wanted to go to Penn or Duke.

Well then she's answered her question. If she wants to go to elite schools with 10% admission rates then she needs to do what she can to distinguish herself from 90% of the applicants. If she's willing to consider other schools then it's not such a challenge.

OP, the truth is she will not regret it if she doesn't push herself or go to an elite school. She may regret a lot of other things about high school though.

Anonymous wrote:Is she talking about not going to college at all or just wondering why everyone is obsessed with getting into an Ivy when you can just go to a state school, have fun, and still have a good life?

Strong schools. She's always wanted to go to Penn or Duke.

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the rat race, the fixation with elite colleges, all hoop jumping, all the tutoring, etc. For a moment I was speechless. In the end I just told her, "You'll regret it if you don't push yourself." What is the point?

For you to have something to brag about online and at parties, duh

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the rat race, the fixation with elite colleges, all hoop jumping, all the tutoring, etc. For a moment I was speechless. In the end I just told her, "You'll regret it if you don't push yourself." What is the point?

Even you are referring to it as a rat race--- for your own kids. What is the point?

Is she talking about not going to college at all or just wondering why everyone is obsessed with getting into an Ivy when you can just go to a state school, have fun, and still have a good life?

The point is that not hating your life, having money to experience the world, and being able to take care of yourself until your death are pretty key points in having a worthy existence. The hoop jumping of high school and college are building blocks to those goals.

Now...the push to be super duper elite, whatever that is, is a different question, and one that I wouldn't know how to answer because I have no such desire.

In reference to the rat race, the fixation with elite colleges, all hoop jumping, all the tutoring, etc. For a moment I was speechless. In the end I just told her, "You'll regret it if you don't push yourself." What is the point?