Anonymous wrote:I'd figure out what my total gift budget is, and then from that, get a small gift for the shower, and use the rest for wedding gift. If all the bridesmaids are chipping in for one large gift, I'd just contribute to that and then give a wedding gift.

+1

I'd figure out what my total gift budget is, and then from that, get a small gift for the shower, and use the rest for wedding gift. If all the bridesmaids are chipping in for one large gift, I'd just contribute to that and then give a wedding gift.

How about a personal or sentimental gift that doesn't necessarily cost much? Maybe have family members email you family recipes with lighthearted marriage advice and make a book of them to send to the shower?

When I'm a bridesmaid I pay my share of the shower and then give a $50/$100 gift whether or not I attend.

I'm sure a shower gift would be appreciated, but in my family we'd just do flowers or something to acknowledge the day and regret our absence, and give a generous wedding gift.

SIL is getting married in December....her first wedding, she's in her late 30s. We are attending and our children are in the wedding along with us (all of us have special attire we are purchasing and traveling for the wedding). We are not attending the engagement party and shower b/c of the distance/cost. I am contributing to the shower cost as a bridesmaid. My thought is that I would also send a generous gift since we are not attending the parties. DH says not to bother, I am helping with the shower, and that's enough. Thoughts?