Messages: the communication skills book by Matthew McKay

"Many people assume that good communicators possess an intrinsic talent for speaking and listening to others, a gift that can''t be learned or improved. The reality is that communication skills are developed with deliberate effort and practice, and learning to understand others and communicate your ideas more clearly will improve every facet of your life. Now in its third edition, Messages has helped thousands of readers cultivate better relationships with friends, family members, coworkers, and partners. You''ll discover new skills to help you communicate your ideas more effectively and become a better listener. Learn how to: - Read body language - Develop skills for couples communication - Negotiate and resolve conflicts - Communicate with family members - Handle group interactions - Talk to children - Master public speaking - Prepare for job interviews If you can communicate effectively, you can do just about anything. Arm yourself with the interpersonal skills needed to thrive."

It touches on everything and is well recommended.

Know something about current events. Listen to public radio, read the newspaper, skim the trashy headlines on yahoo news.

What exactly is the issue - you can't think of things to talk about? Or are people not responding the way you expect?

Don't do the thing where you keep asking questions. Somebody I know does this and it makes people around her very wary.

Great line from Dale Carnegie's Influence book, "better to be interested not interesting." However, getting there is tougher.

#1 Nothing beats a Smile: You smile at people, they smile back. They also feel warmer with your smile.

#2 Give Compliments: Notice something about them on their person. If it's a woman, jewelry like, "that's such a beautiful necklace, how did you get it? I was thinking about getting one for my sister/mom/friend." People love compliments about their style -- it validates their good taste and they'll reflect that on you.

#3 Take Notice about What Makes People Tick: I tend to ask questions that will always bring a second response and follow up question. They usually start with "Tell Me what was..." For example, Tell me what was your best concert ever? Tell me what your best moment of the year was in 2015? Best moment of the summer? Whatever they come up with, that gives you a vision on what is important to them. Could be family, heavy metal music, traveling or whatever... it totally becomes a great vision into it. Follow it up with a question like, "wow always heard Zac Brown puts on a great show. What makes his concert so over the top for you?"

Above all, notice their body language. If they don't turn more than their head towards you, even when it's a subject they love to talk about, they're not interested in talking to you, or at least not right now. Don't take it personally.

If you're dating and talking to people at bars, etc..., be happy with quick rejection. You never spent time money or energy on them. And you got to move on to the next opportunity fast.

Toastmasters

Ask about them. People love to talk about themselves.

Anonymous wrote:Step one: listen
Step two: do active listening, where you restate/consolidate what the other person said.

Example:

Me: I'm so angry! I was supposed to meet up with Kanye but got waylaid by Bruno Mars and then had to go to the bathroom and Beyoncé needed help getting her dress back together and now I'll never know what Kanye wanted to talk to me about!
You: It's so frustrating when meetings fall through.

Then the person feels HEARD. And UNDERSTOOD. Then, you've bonded.

Except if you like Taylor Swift.

Step one: listen
Step two: do active listening, where you restate/consolidate what the other person said.

Example:

Me: I'm so angry! I was supposed to meet up with Kanye but got waylaid by Bruno Mars and then had to go to the bathroom and Beyoncé needed help getting her dress back together and now I'll never know what Kanye wanted to talk to me about!
You: It's so frustrating when meetings fall through.

Then the person feels HEARD. And UNDERSTOOD. Then, you've bonded.

It's the basics but it's also a must-read

How to Win Friends and Influence People

What's the context? What's your goal?

I'm looking to step up my conversation skills.

Any favorite books, resources, or organizations you'd recommend?