Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone else. His behavior is so typical of someone having an affair and then having it end. As to whether you want to get to the bottom of it, I think that depends on what you want. If he was cheating, would you kick him to the curb, or would you want to reconcile? If you would leave, then by all means bring it up. Ask him straight out. If you'd rather reconcile, keep going to therapy and building your relationship up. Talk about your concerns there, in a setting where you can get some closure. I know people who have been in your position and for them, it seemed easier to focus on how to get to a good place rather than focusing on who did what to damage the relationship.

Thanks I want to keep the marriage together -- so it sounds like I should do therapy -- agree I need some closure on all of this. Ugh.

Anonymous wrote:O (although sometimes when I tried to initiate he pushed me away).....

Because he already dropped his load in his side piece.

OP again: I got a message from the husband of a woman telling me my DH was having an affair and that my DH is a liar and a cheat.....but my DH told me the man was just psycho/making it up and that he hadn't had contact with the man's wife.........

OP here: thanks all. It honestly never occurred to me that the breakup of an AP could have triggered his sudden desire for a divorce.......

We were having fairly regular sex the whole time over the time leading up to his divorce threats (like, twice a week or so)..... I've never denied him sex although in the past he's said he'd like more of it or that we weren't having enough of it (although sometimes when I tried to initiate he pushed me away).....

What are other clues I should be looking out for if there was an affair?

I've been tested for STDs (for regular annual) and am free of them.....

I agree with everyone else. His behavior is so typical of someone having an affair and then having it end. As to whether you want to get to the bottom of it, I think that depends on what you want. If he was cheating, would you kick him to the curb, or would you want to reconcile? If you would leave, then by all means bring it up. Ask him straight out. If you'd rather reconcile, keep going to therapy and building your relationship up. Talk about your concerns there, in a setting where you can get some closure. I know people who have been in your position and for them, it seemed easier to focus on how to get to a good place rather than focusing on who did what to damage the relationship.

So before I even got to your second paragraph, I though, we'll duh, he was having an affair and his affair partner dumped his sorry ass and he came back to old faithful.

And then I got to your second paragraph...so you already know this, just figure out when you will be ready to face reality and pled do get tested for STDs, this guy has not kept his dick in his pants.

I think his gf broke up with him

Were you denying him sex and now you're giving it to him?

Get tested for std

Yeah sorryOP. He probably had a married AP who said she wasn't leaving her spouse and cut it off.

She dumped him.

Anonymous wrote:This feels like a weird question: But about six months ago, my DH was telling me he wanted a divorce, was leaving, it was over (really, out of nowhere for me)... I begged him to go to therapy to save our marriage, and we did, and worked on communication issues for about 5 or 6 sessions.....and then our work life got crazy/things seemed more stable..... But I have this nagging feeling the I never got down to the truth of WHY he wanted a divorce so suddenly and the conversations are replaying in my head over and over of him telling me it is over/he wants a divorce/there is nothing I can do about it...... Our therapist said it was just "part" of him that wanted the divorce and applied parts theory to make me understand that it was not all of him wanting the divorce.

Now, summer is fun, lots of travel, our jobs going well, kids happy......IT's as if none of the divorce threats happened. I could just move on and pretend those conversations never happened. But recently the questions of his faithfulness to me have come up by two third parties, and I'm wondering if there is more to the divorce threats than I knew of.... Questions are swirling in my head: did he have an affair? is that why he asked for the divorce? how could he have been so cruel to threaten to divorce me so spontaneously just as I was going through a "rough" patch with my job?

Is it better to just move on and onward - look ahead to a bright future and not resurrect the dark secrets of the past?? e.g. "Does it matter? It's in the past...." But at the same time....Don't I want to get to th bottom of what really happened?

Can you elaborate? Seems important.

DiverDown wrote:His gf broke up with him

Yep.

His gf broke up with him

This feels like a weird question: But about six months ago, my DH was telling me he wanted a divorce, was leaving, it was over (really, out of nowhere for me)... I begged him to go to therapy to save our marriage, and we did, and worked on communication issues for about 5 or 6 sessions.....and then our work life got crazy/things seemed more stable..... But I have this nagging feeling the I never got down to the truth of WHY he wanted a divorce so suddenly and the conversations are replaying in my head over and over of him telling me it is over/he wants a divorce/there is nothing I can do about it...... Our therapist said it was just "part" of him that wanted the divorce and applied parts theory to make me understand that it was not all of him wanting the divorce.

Now, summer is fun, lots of travel, our jobs going well, kids happy......IT's as if none of the divorce threats happened. I could just move on and pretend those conversations never happened. But recently the questions of his faithfulness to me have come up by two third parties, and I'm wondering if there is more to the divorce threats than I knew of.... Questions are swirling in my head: did he have an affair? is that why he asked for the divorce? how could he have been so cruel to threaten to divorce me so spontaneously just as I was going through a "rough" patch with my job?

Is it better to just move on and onward - look ahead to a bright future and not resurrect the dark secrets of the past?? e.g. "Does it matter? It's in the past...." But at the same time....Don't I want to get to th bottom of what really happened?