Wait. Why is everyone jumping on OP's mother?

I think this should be a teaching moment for your son about cultural differences and beliefs. Every culture is certainly not the same, and certainly not as open and inclusive as Americans.

I know - we always complain about the US but really, take a look around and we are pretty open to accepting everyone - piercings, tattoos and all. The minute you leave the US there are a host of "cultural" norms and beliefs that are so different.

It sounds like the ear piercing is one for yours.

Use paragraphs and I'll read your post.

Next time there is reason to see her, back out. Tell her that her refusal to speak to your son is hurtful to him and you don't want to subject him to that abuse anymore. Tell her he misses their relationship. Ask her to call if she changes her mind and can see the good in her wonderful grandson beyond the fashion statement he is making.

Put the ball in her court.

For God's sake woman, have a come to Jesus talk with your mother!
What on earth does it matter if you end up yelling at her?
She deserves it.

Just tell her at least he doesn't have a tattoo.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I would continue spending so much time with someone who made my kid feel bad. I'd talk to her about it before scaling back on visits though. I definitely wouldn't make ds keep visiting so she could give him the cold shoulder.

Yes, totally.The thing is, my son loves them deeply. I don't require him to visit, he wants to. Honestly if I were in his shoes I would stay clear of such negativity.

Haha, my son is not gay (wouldn't matter to me one way or another if he were). The funny thing is, I actually think she would accept him if he were gay. She is not a homophobe. It's the darn earring. I should talk to my father but he has been sort of fragile lately )health-wise and emotionally) and I don't want to worry or overburden him. Besides, I suspect that that the fact that she is even talking to my son is because my father talked to her. Ugh.

I don't think I would continue spending so much time with someone who made my kid feel bad. I'd talk to her about it before scaling back on visits though. I definitely wouldn't make ds keep visiting so she could give him the cold shoulder.

1. I can't believe you haven't talked to your mother about it already - it's for your son's sake, you can surely make an effort and keep it together!

2. It's pretty clear she thinks your son is gay. You need to talk to her about that too.

3. What does your father think? Perhaps he can talk some sense into her.

I need help sorting out this situation: My DS (16) got his ear pierced this summer. With both my and his Dad's approval (even if this would not have been out first fashion choice). In any case, we don't think it's a big deal. When my mother found out, she completely freaked out and essentially refuses to talk to him. At first she simply ignored him and gave him the silent treatment, now she is polite but distant. In part , her reaction is cultural ( we are from another country where men don't wear jewelry. Period); in part it is somehow related to her father (my grandfather) who was adamantly against men wearing earrings (again, a cultural thing), and who died shortly before my son was born. Somehow my mom sees my son't earring as a betrayal of her father's memory . The background to all of this, and what makes this particularly painful, is that my son and my mother shared --until the earring-- a very close relationship. They were friends and confidants. They went traveling together, and talked on the phone often. My son always said -- and still does-- that my mom is his role model. My parents live 20 min away and we see them frequently. This has been devastating for my son, and puzzling to the rest of us. My mom has not brought it up with me, and I am afraid to bring it up with her because I fear I'll lose my cool because the situation is so absurd (you don't cut off relationship with your grandson over a fashion accessory!) Anyway, I am just not sure what the best thing to do. Do nothing and hope it will blow over? Ask my husband (who has a very good relationship with my parents) to have a conversation with her and try to talk reason into her? Try myself, knowing that it may end up badly? She has the right to not like his choice, and to disapprove of it and to even tell him she does. But to essentially withheld her affection?????