Anonymous
08/10/2016 12:06
Subject: Re:Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
For those who require their kids to pick an activity, what are your requirements for what counts as an acceptable choice? Girl scouts only meets once a month at our school, so would you require something weekly? More often?
Once a week is fine by me, my daughter does girl scouts and at her school that is 3 weeks out of the month and that is fine as well.
Anonymous
08/10/2016 12:02
Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
NP. For those who require their kids to pick an activity, what are your requirements for what counts as an acceptable choice? Girl scouts only meets once a month at our school, so would you require something weekly? More often?
What if they genuinely do seem to hate the activity?
Throughout elementary school and the first year of junior high my 12 year old has tried 4 or 5 different sports, community theater, an art class, the school Lego robotics club, and an introductory music class. She hated all of them. Most recently we made her finish her spring intramural sport because she made a commitment to the team, which she obviously and dramatically resented. She doesn't mind girl scouts, although she's not enthusiastic by any means.
I'm not sure I see the value in continuing to force her to spend her tI'm doing things she doesn't want to be doing, that just become a struggle between us. I always promised myself I would not be the parent who cared more about my child's activities than my child herself did - i.e. that it'd be theirs to own. But where's the balance?
What if they genuinely do seem to hate the activity?
Throughout elementary school and the first year of junior high my 12 year old has tried 4 or 5 different sports, community theater, an art class, the school Lego robotics club, and an introductory music class. She hated all of them. Most recently we made her finish her spring intramural sport because she made a commitment to the team, which she obviously and dramatically resented. She doesn't mind girl scouts, although she's not enthusiastic by any means.
I'm not sure I see the value in continuing to force her to spend her tI'm doing things she doesn't want to be doing, that just become a struggle between us. I always promised myself I would not be the parent who cared more about my child's activities than my child herself did - i.e. that it'd be theirs to own. But where's the balance?
Anonymous
08/10/2016 11:38
Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
I ignore my daughter when she says she hates it. I ignore because I can see she loves it. Sometime starting is the hardest part.
Anonymous
08/10/2016 11:04
Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
OP, my kids are like yours.
For those saying they have to pick one thing... can you be more specific? Like is it good enough to pick a rec center class that meets once a week? Or taking once a week private instrument lessons?
What do you mean when you say "pick one thing."?
For those saying they have to pick one thing... can you be more specific? Like is it good enough to pick a rec center class that meets once a week? Or taking once a week private instrument lessons?
What do you mean when you say "pick one thing."?
Anonymous
08/10/2016 10:35
Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:DD (9) doesn't have any interests, hates to read. Glad I had her try different camps when she was younger to try things out. If I hear I am bored one more time....
OP- i was talking with a friend about the exact same thing with her DD8. Sometimes an unwillingness to stick things out can be the sign of a perfectionist and competitive nature. Sports can be especially hard because some children have difficulty doing things they are not already good at.
On the flip side, if your daughter has difficulty sustaining age-appropriate effort/attention on tasks (key is age appropriate) it could be weaker executive functioning. I often have to sit or participate with my DS9 just to get him going on things like homework or even creative play. Once he's started, he's fine. Kids will deflect with "this is boring" because they have trouble knowing where to begin, or they get too easily distracted, or some things like writing or reading comprehension are harder- and they are trying to hide it.
None of this is to say that your daughter is outside of what is typical- but you may need to support her more as she reads by either reading aloud or sitting with her. Same with hobbies like art or even throwing the ball in the back yard- just to get things started.
If it's the perfectionistic/competitive thing- try private instruction at an individual sport like swimming or tennis. Martial arts work great for certain personalities.
Hope this helps.
pp here- I also wanted to say that I agree with the other posters. Your DD should pick something- sports, music, etc. and unless it's just obviously the wrong fit, she should be required to stick with it for a year or two. Long enough to see some progress. Kids have no perspective on the effort/time it takes to improve at things. It's important that she is not permitted to quit at the first bump in the road or this could become a lifetime habit.
Yes, I completely agree. PPs have given great advice.
Anonymous
08/10/2016 10:32
Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:DD (9) doesn't have any interests, hates to read. Glad I had her try different camps when she was younger to try things out. If I hear I am bored one more time....
OP- i was talking with a friend about the exact same thing with her DD8. Sometimes an unwillingness to stick things out can be the sign of a perfectionist and competitive nature. Sports can be especially hard because some children have difficulty doing things they are not already good at.
On the flip side, if your daughter has difficulty sustaining age-appropriate effort/attention on tasks (key is age appropriate) it could be weaker executive functioning. I often have to sit or participate with my DS9 just to get him going on things like homework or even creative play. Once he's started, he's fine. Kids will deflect with "this is boring" because they have trouble knowing where to begin, or they get too easily distracted, or some things like writing or reading comprehension are harder- and they are trying to hide it.
None of this is to say that your daughter is outside of what is typical- but you may need to support her more as she reads by either reading aloud or sitting with her. Same with hobbies like art or even throwing the ball in the back yard- just to get things started.
If it's the perfectionistic/competitive thing- try private instruction at an individual sport like swimming or tennis. Martial arts work great for certain personalities.
Hope this helps.
pp here- I also wanted to say that I agree with the other posters. Your DD should pick something- sports, music, etc. and unless it's just obviously the wrong fit, she should be required to stick with it for a year or two. Long enough to see some progress. Kids have no perspective on the effort/time it takes to improve at things. It's important that she is not permitted to quit at the first bump in the road or this could become a lifetime habit.
Anonymous
08/10/2016 10:29
Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
My son is not into sports but he loves reading and science. He went to science camps this summer and loved it.
Anonymous
08/10/2016 10:07
Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
What is she doing all summer? So she says she is bored, but doesn't want to do anything? Maybe try day trips to DC, museums, gardens, maybe that is her thing.
Anonymous
08/10/2016 10:03
Subject: Re:Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
I think a lot of parents including myself require at least one activity. You never know you like something until you try it so if she won't come up with a list of things, make one for her. If she won't pick, pick for her. If I let my son choose, he'd lay around the house playing video games nearly all of the time. That's not going to happen so he found something he likes to do.
Anonymous
08/10/2016 09:13
Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Anonymous wrote:DD (9) doesn't have any interests, hates to read. Glad I had her try different camps when she was younger to try things out. If I hear I am bored one more time....
OP- i was talking with a friend about the exact same thing with her DD8. Sometimes an unwillingness to stick things out can be the sign of a perfectionist and competitive nature. Sports can be especially hard because some children have difficulty doing things they are not already good at.
On the flip side, if your daughter has difficulty sustaining age-appropriate effort/attention on tasks (key is age appropriate) it could be weaker executive functioning. I often have to sit or participate with my DS9 just to get him going on things like homework or even creative play. Once he's started, he's fine. Kids will deflect with "this is boring" because they have trouble knowing where to begin, or they get too easily distracted, or some things like writing or reading comprehension are harder- and they are trying to hide it.
None of this is to say that your daughter is outside of what is typical- but you may need to support her more as she reads by either reading aloud or sitting with her. Same with hobbies like art or even throwing the ball in the back yard- just to get things started.
If it's the perfectionistic/competitive thing- try private instruction at an individual sport like swimming or tennis. Martial arts work great for certain personalities.
Hope this helps.
Anonymous
08/10/2016 09:12
Subject: Re:Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Your wallet will be happy about it! Activities are expensive. Things might change. My oldest hasn't ever been into activities but when he got older, he got really into cars. He fixes them, cleans them, anything to be around them. So he has a pass time to keep himself busy. My youngest refused all activities until she was 8 and then picked up one that is really time consuming. Kids change. I'd just keep offering and see if you hit on anything.
Anonymous
08/10/2016 09:07
Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Anonymous wrote:If I hear I am bored one more time....
"That sounds like a you problem. How do you plan to solve it?" (Anything that involves a screen or a parent doing something gets an "No, that's not YOU solving it. How can YOU solve it?"
Anonymous
08/10/2016 08:58
Subject: Re:Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
I didn't give my kids a choice. They all had to do at least one extracurricular. I didn't care what they did as long as they did something. My oldest played football, basketball, and ran track. My second rowed. My third was involved in drama and chorus. My fourth rowed. Our youngest is in band and does martial arts. Nine is still very young. I would let her continue to try different activities. She'll find something she likes. I think it's really important to insist they do something. Busy teens are less likely to get in trouble.
Anonymous
08/10/2016 08:58
Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
Its not optional in our house. Kids have to pick one extracurricular and do it. Does not have to be a sport, DS chose Tae Kwon Do, DD chose girl scouts. Both are fine by me. But doing zero activities is not an option.
Anonymous
08/10/2016 08:53
Subject: Dealing with disappointment that your child doesn't want to do extracurricular activities or sports.
DD (9) doesn't have any interests, hates to read. Glad I had her try different camps when she was younger to try things out. If I hear I am bored one more time....