Anonymous wrote:It's a very toxic response to reject as "repulsive" a fairly benign intimate request from a partner. We aren't talking about role playing illegal relationships here or indulging role playing illegal activities.

You don't have to say "yes" to every idea but to treat it as dirty and disgusting, when it is quite far from that, is going to destroy any trust and intimacy you have.

Can't change how you feel. Can't take back that his sexuality is "disgusting". You're relationship is done. You don't know it yet.

^^ha ha, amazing! Also about the cheerleader thing, probably wants to feel like *he's* back in HS/college again. I think this is one of your more common fantasies. My DH wants me to don the Princess Leia bikini top costume. Told him I'd like to be a little fitter first, but will do.

Anonymous wrote:PS. I suspect you hate strippers, boob jobs, false eyelashes, thong tan lines .. Or anything else men lust after.


Real men gotta have it and gonna get it.

What kind of classy men do you hang around?

Cheerleading fantasy? That is actually pretty tame. It is fantasy. I don't understand why you wouldn't play along. If my husband wanted me to dress up to role play I would be happy to do so. It would be fun. There are so many women on this board that give the rest of us the "uptight, frigid" name.

It's a very toxic response to reject as "repulsive" a fairly benign intimate request from a partner. We aren't talking about role playing illegal relationships here or indulging role playing illegal activities.

You don't have to say "yes" to every idea but to treat it as dirty and disgusting, when it is quite far from that, is going to destroy any trust and intimacy you have.

Anonymous wrote:Cheerleaders don't have to be teenagers. You know there are professional cheerleaders as well? Take a few shots of tequila and put on the costume.

Also, sexy lingerie doesn't sound like role playing. As another PP suggested, is there any other role you don't find repulsive?

Story from two years ago...

Makes me very grateful for my dw who will occasionally put me over her knee, even though it's not her thing. I love her so much, and feel so close when she does that.

PS. I suspect you hate strippers, boob jobs, false eyelashes, thong tan lines .. Or anything else men lust after.


Real men gotta have it and gonna get it.

Do you really (honestly) find the cheerleader/teenager thing repulsive, or is it just so deeply upsetting and threatening that it's easiest to deflect (and project) all of your discomfort onto you husband by treating him as repulsive and sex-shaming him. You could say that play involving..waste or animals or blood...is "repulsive", but - assuming he's talking about post-pubescent girls, ie, sexually (if not emotionally) mature - is it really "repulsive"...because that's pretty much inside the 99% "normal" (commonly shared) het male wheelhouse.

You sound awful. I can't imagine how awful it would be for him to have a genuinely - like maybe 1.5 std.dev. off of completely average - freaky fantasy.

As the PP said, you shouldn't actually do or feel obligated to do anything you aren't completely comfortable with, but you should spend a little time introspecting on exactly what it is about his extraordinarily common "fantasy" that makes you so uncomfortable.

This is a major sexual mismatch and potentially fatal for your marriage . Sexuality will not be repressed it will either find an outlet or morph into bitter resentment or brain dead depression. You are so lucky that he wants you as part of his fantasy. If you hate his fantasies , it's a good sign you don't totally love him... Which is probably the problem being exposed that will soon blow up.

Cheerleaders don't have to be teenagers. You know there are professional cheerleaders as well? Take a few shots of tequila and put on the costume.

Also, sexy lingerie doesn't sound like role playing. As another PP suggested, is there any other role you don't find repulsive?

Yes, you are being unreasonable. It sounds like you just said "no! ugh!" and didn't have a discussion. If there were something you wanted and he was not into it, is that what you would want him to do?

Google "GGG Dan Savage" for how you should have reacted (and how you still have time to react).

Isn't there any fantasy that appeals to you, if that one doesn't work?

You're not being unreasonable to not want to do it. No one should do something sexually that they feel uncomfortable with.

But you are not being a particularly good spouse by telling him his fantasies 'repulse' you. Fantasies are complicated parts of the human psyche that cause a lot of guilt/excitement/confusion and they are not generally shared lightly. It seems like your husband is trying to communicate with you openly about your sex life, trying to come up with ideas to spice it up and your reaction is to be mean and accuse him of some latent pedophilia. It's fine to tell your husband that that doesn't excite you and that you don't want to do it, its not ok to be this mean about it.

My DH says he wants to spice up our sex life with costumes. He wants me to be a cheerleader. I find this idea repulsive. Is he thinking of teenagers? I told him I will do sexy lingerie, but no way any cheerleader stuff. Am I being unreasonable?