Anonymous wrote:Sorry linked wrong Trimpey book, this is right one: https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/

Yes, NP here and agree this is an excellent book.

Sorry linked wrong Trimpey book, this is right one: https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/

AA/12 step is a crazy cult. Try this: https://www.amazon.com/Small-Book-Rational-Recovery-Systems/dp/0440507251

My husband gave me a book he got 40 years ago. I found it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Ill-Quit-Tomorrow-Practical-Alcoholism/dp/0062504339 .

It helped me to understand what it is like to be an active alcoholic. After reading it, I can understand why he calls alcoholism "living death". It's hard to imagine.

OP here. I am not looking for books to make DH read, I am looking for books for me to read to understand what the road ahead may look like and what DH may be going through. I just don't know very much about addiction, alcoholism, recovery, relationships, etc.

I am thinking about going to Al Anon but am frankly put off by the religious overtones, and so haven't gone yet. And we each have individual therapists and we have a couples therapists.

Really I'm looking to learn - not to have certainty, because I know I won't, but just to try to identify what I don't know or to open up my own thinking about how I take care of myself and my family in this situation. Any suggestions?

I’m sorry you are going through this. I agree with PP that you look for Al-Anon meeting in your area as it is the most effective means of helping a spouse or child dealing with an alcoholic member. In the meantime, you might like to check out the book titled The Last Addiction by Sharon A Hersh [http://bit.ly/2aFa8cK]. Take care of yourself and your kids. My prayers are with you and your family. Love and hugs!

OP: You can't make him read any books. What you can do is acknowledge and accept that you are part of the dynamic. Most spouses of functional alcoholics are enablers. The function is deteriorating to the point where it is beyond your capacity to enable or overlook. All you can control is you, not him.

Anonymous wrote:Better for you to go to Al-Anon. They have a ton of phone meetings daily if getting to meetings is too much.

http://al-anon.info/MeetingSearch/PhoneMeetings.aspx?language=EN

This will help you focus on taking care of yourself.

+1000

My husband was an alcoholic. We were married for 8 years before having kids. All the begging, pleading and arguing made no difference for him. The day I came home to find my 9 month old crawling around the house and him passed out in bed was the day I was done. There was no more anger for me, no tears, just quiet. I was done. The good news was it must have scared him too. He went into treatment and never had another drink. He had been in treatment before but this was different. He got a sponsor, got very involved in AA. He's sober 17 years now. Hang in there OP but protect yourself and protect your kids. for me, it felt like I was a single parent - shouldering all the responsibility for me, my child and ultimately him since he couldn't be counted on for anything. It sucks. I wish you luck.

Better for you to go to Al-Anon. They have a ton of phone meetings daily if getting to meetings is too much.

http://al-anon.info/MeetingSearch/PhoneMeetings.aspx?language=EN

This will help you focus on taking care of yourself.

DH has recognized he has a problem, but perhaps not the full extent of either the problem or what he needs to do to stop the meltdown that his life is in. We are in individual and couples therapy and it has been a mixed bag. It is not clear if we will stay married, but we have young kids so he's a factor no matter what. I would appreciate any recommendations for books or online resources for me to read - whether directed toward the person with the problem or the spouse.