I would do full name, then nickname in quotes or parentheses. Obituaries may eventually be used for historical or genealogical research -- so why not make it easy on everyone who will come across the resource? Those who know the people by nickname, and those who will likely be searching by, or hoping for, full names.

Especially in this day and age when so many people go by a middle name or alternate version of a legal name, I would prefer to see the name they use (unless it is a silly family-use only name) in print.

OMG! Do NOT leave anyone out because you will f**king hear about it until you or the person left out dies. Ask me how I know.

Why would it matter?
Unless your nickname is something like "Lil' Dickhead" or something equally offensive, it's really not worth your time to be all up in arms about it.

I would say it is up to each individual on how they would like their names presented.

Honestly it isn't really a big deal & most people won't even take the time to notice.

Focus on real, actual problems.

I agree to let it go, OP.

I have three cousins with identical names. We identify them by 3 different nicknames (still based on real first name). We include those nicknames instead of "John Paul Smith III" x3.

Why does it matter? List people how they prefer to be called. I would be pissed if someone listed my given name instead of the nickname I've gone by literally my entire life. If someone listed my given name no one would even know who that is as I never use it and I don't acknowledge it. It's not on my ss card, passport, driver license etc. it's only on my birth certificate and that's it. Let people be listed by their name of choice. It's not up to you to decide for them what they're called in any setting. Of all the things to be bothered by this is pretty petty.

If they used a funeral home, the director helps write the obituary.

The only etiquette about nicknames in an obituary is that the deceased nickname should be in ().

() are also used for maiden names

I think this is very nitpicky of you to worry about Jim vs James... maybe if you called James Spunky then it should be in ().

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandfather recently passed. I am not sure which of my relatives wrote the obituary, but I am bothered by the way it is written. When it lists he survivors, it has them by nickname--"Jim Smith" instead of "James Smith" for example. Almost all of my cousins/siblings are listed like this. Is this typical?

I thought it had to be full name.

perhaps a nickname in parentheses?

It's however the family drafts it

Who does this matter? Seriously, let it go.

In older times, when perhaps the newspaper itself wrote the obit, and people were more formal, it might have been formal names.

Now, families write the obit. And we live in less formal times. And people are called by various names. Why not list them as they are called? Why does it matter?

In the grand scheme of things, being "bothered" by this is not a good strategy Grieve your grandfather. Clip the obit and press it in the family bible. And move on with your life, happy and content with the family members who remain. Life is short and precious. Don't sweat nicknames in an obit, for pete's sake.

Anonymous wrote:My grandfather recently passed. I am not sure which of my relatives wrote the obituary, but I am bothered by the way it is written. When it lists he survivors, it has them by nickname--"Jim Smith" instead of "James Smith" for example. Almost all of my cousins/siblings are listed like this. Is this typical?

I thought it had to be full name.

perhaps a nickname in parentheses?

Using nicknames is fine. It's a way for the community to learn that "Jim's brother died", even if they didn't know the brother.

My grandfather recently passed. I am not sure which of my relatives wrote the obituary, but I am bothered by the way it is written. When it lists he survivors, it has them by nickname--"Jim Smith" instead of "James Smith" for example. Almost all of my cousins/siblings are listed like this. Is this typical?