I think OP is wanting the other family members to wash dishes, not bring dishes.

Honestly, get some fancy paper plates and some rubber gloves and just take care of it. It doesn't sound like you'll want to sit and chat with these people anyway.

If it's going to ruffles feathers, what's the big deal in just making the whole meal? Thanksgiving is a turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, rolls, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie. All the sides together shouldn't take you more than an hour to cook, while the turkey is in the oven. The cost of the sides is minimal. Just do it and avoid the struggle.

simple,

send out the inviite with working like this..

"hey folks we are coming down for thanksgiving, I will be cooking the Turk, gravy and bread. If everyone can please bring a dish to share it would be appreciated.. Please let me know what you want to bring so we don't have duplicates"

Or something like this
"hey folks we are coming down for turkey day I'll take care of the Turkey, gravy and bread. Since we are coming down the the day before I'd like some help with the dinner prep. Please bring enough food for 15 people.

Uncle Fester- pumkin pie, apple pie, ice cream, whipped cream
Lurch- Green bean cassrole
Wednesday- mashed taters
Cuisin IT- cranberry sauce
Morticia- Stuffing.

I would contact the other family and tell them that since you'll be traveling for the holidays from out-of-state, you won't have a lot of time to prep the whole meal and you would appreciate if each person can contribute one side dish to the meal. Add that you'll be happy to coordinate to make sure that there are no duplicates in the meal.

"Possible to be included" - so they haven't been invited or invited themselves yet. The time to do it is then.

I'm assuming they invite themselves because otherwise they wouldn't be there. When SIL calls MIL she should simply say, "We planned a simple dinner at my house. By all means we can divide it up more. I am buying dessert and beverages and Sally and Joe will be here to cook a turkey and stuffing. I'll tell them to buy big enough for 9 instead of 3. If they do turkey you can do all the sides. If you do potatoes for the 9 of us and your daughter does a vegetable that would work. Then her fiancé and his kids can bring the rolls and whatever else you think we need. Oh gosh, with this crowd I'm going to minimize the cleanup afterwards. I'm too old for this so don't be alarmed when I have paper plates. It will be nice to be together so come at 2pm!"

Is this about "washing dishes", or "cooking dishes"?

Do the extra relatives live close by? If they're also flying in, it's not right to ask them to make food.

You must travel in different circles than I do, because in mine, when someone accepts an invitation to someone else's house they say "What can I bring?" and the hostess either says "Just yourselves!" or "Actually if you'd like to bring a bottle of red/something other than pie for a dessert, that would be great."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of families have people pitch in to do dishes. If it's your MIL's house, I think she can make it happen on the spot. At the appropriate time, she can "invite" SIL and niece into the kitchen to "help" HER with the dishes. Then she can direct them on what needs doing and keep them company--keeping it friendly and festive.

Thank you for this suggestion. Nobody cooks except my husband and me. Everyone else behaves like they are 15 and does nothing. My husband would agree with this statement. My MIL does not like fiance of her granddaughter, but will put up with him. He is very controlling. I see it too.

I like to cook for MIL because she is appreciative. I don't like to cook for the rest of the group because they are not appreciative and just expect things to be done for them. Dinner is at MIL house.

Sounds like trouble. I suggest tell everyone you are going out to eat, include a link to the menu, and the restuarant will do separate checks, cash or credit.

Anonymous wrote:Lots of families have people pitch in to do dishes. If it's your MIL's house, I think she can make it happen on the spot. At the appropriate time, she can "invite" SIL and niece into the kitchen to "help" HER with the dishes. Then she can direct them on what needs doing and keep them company--keeping it friendly and festive.

Thank you for this suggestion. Nobody cooks except my husband and me. Everyone else behaves like they are 15 and does nothing. My husband would agree with this statement. My MIL does not like fiance of her granddaughter, but will put up with him. He is very controlling. I see it too.

I like to cook for MIL because she is appreciative. I don't like to cook for the rest of the group because they are not appreciative and just expect things to be done for them. Dinner is at MIL house.

Who worries about this? Especially in July?

What's the big deal. Turkey. Mashed potatoes. Stuffing. Another veg. Maybe Dessert.

You can cook it with your eyes closed. There is nothing complicated about this meal.

Lots of families have people pitch in to do dishes. If it's your MIL's house, I think she can make it happen on the spot. At the appropriate time, she can "invite" SIL and niece into the kitchen to "help" HER with the dishes. Then she can direct them on what needs doing and keep them company--keeping it friendly and festive.

How well do you know them?
Will this be in MIL's home?
MIL should really be the one to tell them.

If you are on good terms with the other guests, and MIL cannot bring herself to say anything, then you could contact them to say that you will be cooking the turkey and request that other guests bring a side dish or dessert (list suggestions), and that it doesn't have to be home-made.

can you just ask nicely for them to ring something? Is there anything Sil makes that you really like? "Hey Sil, we are looking forward to turkey day and cooking but I really love your pumpkin pie, could you bring some to share with us?"

We have the opposite problem where my mil is not a good cook except for a a couple things but always wants to contribute so we gently steered her to expect to bring one of the two things she does well so she can make it and be happy we served it and we eat it with gusto.

We are flying to FL for Thanksgiving and cooking T-day dinner for my MIL. Other possible family to be included are SIL, niece (33), her fiance, niece's child (11) and two future step kids (4,6).

I am happy to cook for MIL and the family but how can we make it known that other invited family are responsible for dishes. They will be bringing nothing. Is this a reasonable expectation? MIL thinks they should do dishes too, but doesn't know how to ask.

Last year (we were not there), SIL (60) and niece (32) wanted MIL (80) to cook Thanksgiving for everyone. MIL does not like to cook. I'm not sure what happened. I think they went out to eat.

How can the expectation that other family who did not cook or provide the house be responsible for dishes.