Anonymous wrote:A few things:

1. You're doing the right thing, by letting him go gracefully, and I am sorry that it hurts.

2. The back and forth is really bad for the child. My stepsiblings parents divorced and married three times before they divorced for good and their mom married my dad. It really did a number on the kids, to live that trauma over and over. It also made them believe their parents would do anything they asked ("you and dad should get married again"), and it set them up for really unhealthy relationships as adults.

3. Like PP said, you cannot take him back. You are not his fallback plan. End it, no contact, and find someone who will choose you.

Good luck!

There really hasn't been any back and forth his son is just a little over 3, the only life he has known is mom & dad being apart.

I don't plan on being in contact with him, but I also don't think saying you know this means we can never get back together to him is the right thing to do.

I feel like that would be kind of like giving him an ultimatum or saying choose me or your kid. Which is wrong in my opinion.

He loves that little boy with all his heart and I know it kills him to have limited time with him.

If you don't end it, go on a long lasting BC. I know 7 women including myself whose on/off relationships ended in whoops babies. To be honest, I consider my accidental pregnancy not just a medical miracle, but a blessing that saved me by showing me exactly who my now-ex husband is. Things have not turned out as well for the other women I know. A friend was attacked by her bf's other gf. He lived with that woman at the time and they had two kids together. She beat my friend in front of her toddler nephews and my friend almost miscarried. Another is constantly in court fighting her ex BF and his on again gf over custody and CS. A third and fourth are stuck in this area until the kid turns 18 although they would have cheaper housing and a less stressful lifestyle somewhere else. My cousin has a step-daughter who is between her two youngest and a stepson who is 11 months younger than her last child. They are constantly fighting the bio mom for custody and CS. A friend's on-off BF married the other gf the day my friend had the baby by scheduled C-section. He has never seen their daughter. I'm sure that I know other women who had abortions instead and still suffered. On and off is a bad situation for everyone.

OP, don't beat yourself up! While you may realize he's a great guy, but you are great too. He's doing something for his child, which is ok, it may not work out, but please, please don't sit around waiting. As much as it hurts, go out, meet new people or find a hobby or something you can immerse yourself into so that you are not constantly thinking of what could have been. Cheering you on, you can do this!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He really is a wonderful guy, and I wish I had married him the first time around.


PP, he didn't come back to me like a back up, we sort of just found each other again by chance and went from there.

Even still I think you are right that no matter what I have to let him go.

Hm this guy does a lot of back and forth. Personally I think if him and the mom want to try again they should keep it completely secret from the kid. For him to think they're getting back together and then they don't would be beyond cruel.

It seems worse than it is.

we were originally together for over a year and we , mainly me, were young and dumb and couldn't come together on some logistics. We didn't stay in touch and only got back into contact with each other randomly.

As for his ex I don't have a high opinion of her so it's not really fair for me to speak on her.

I can say he has always been respectful towards her, and I know he loves his little boy and will do anything for him.

It's not really my place to tell them how to conduct themselves with their kid I'm sure they can work that out.

I'm very confused right now.

I'm really angry at his ex and I know that's not fair and totally selfish.

I also hate myself for being stupid and not realizing what I had years ago.

Oh no, OP - don't do that to yourself. It wasn't right back then, for whatever reason - as you said, you were young. There's not a person alive who doesn't look back on choices we made when we were young and shake our heads, but it's just not possible to understand then what we understand now. And it may have not even worked out back then because things were different.

What I'm saying is, please don't hate yourself. This isn't something you good have foreseen.

You sound great OP and you'll be fine. You'll go on to get married and have a family free from this baggage. He, meanwhile, is giving up a good relationship for an ex wife who only wants him back while he's seeing someone else. In 6-12 months she will be over it again, he will be single again, and realize that he let a good one go. His ex is just being jealous and manipulative and sadly, it will be confusing for the little boy when this reconciliation bores her once she "wins." But that's not your problem.

A few things:

1. You're doing the right thing, by letting him go gracefully, and I am sorry that it hurts.

2. The back and forth is really bad for the child. My stepsiblings parents divorced and married three times before they divorced for good and their mom married my dad. It really did a number on the kids, to live that trauma over and over. It also made them believe their parents would do anything they asked ("you and dad should get married again"), and it set them up for really unhealthy relationships as adults.

3. Like PP said, you cannot take him back. You are not his fallback plan. End it, no contact, and find someone who will choose you.

Good luck!

OP, you deserve someone who loves you back just as deeply. This guy doesn't seem like a keeper to me. A man should be able to make up his mind. I have no crystal ball, but I doubt things will work with his ex the way he hopes. Don't fall into this trap again. Move on and find someone who values you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He really is a wonderful guy, and I wish I had married him the first time around.


PP, he didn't come back to me like a back up, we sort of just found each other again by chance and went from there.

Even still I think you are right that no matter what I have to let him go.

Hm this guy does a lot of back and forth. Personally I think if him and the mom want to try again they should keep it completely secret from the kid. For him to think they're getting back together and then they don't would be beyond cruel.

It seems worse than it is.

we were originally together for over a year and we , mainly me, were young and dumb and couldn't come together on some logistics. We didn't stay in touch and only got back into contact with each other randomly.

As for his ex I don't have a high opinion of her so it's not really fair for me to speak on her.

I can say he has always been respectful towards her, and I know he loves his little boy and will do anything for him.

It's not really my place to tell them how to conduct themselves with their kid I'm sure they can work that out.

I'm very confused right now.

I'm really angry at his ex and I know that's not fair and totally selfish.

I also hate myself for being stupid and not realizing what I had years ago.

Anonymous wrote:He really is a wonderful guy, and I wish I had married him the first time around.


PP, he didn't come back to me like a back up, we sort of just found each other again by chance and went from there.

Even still I think you are right that no matter what I have to let him go.

Hm this guy does a lot of back and forth. Personally I think if him and the mom want to try again they should keep it completely secret from the kid. For him to think they're getting back together and then they don't would be beyond cruel.

I'm sorry, OP. You are doing the right thing by wishing him well. All the best to you.

He really is a wonderful guy, and I wish I had married him the first time around.


PP, he didn't come back to me like a back up, we sort of just found each other again by chance and went from there.

Even still I think you are right that no matter what I have to let him go.

Wow, I am sorry, OP.

So sorry.
Let him know that you wish him and his young family the very best future, but this is the absolute end for the two of you. If things don't work out, you'll be sad for him, but no longer his to come running back to. And you have to stand by that. I wish I had 25 years ago.

I know it hurts. I'm sorry. He sounds like a good person. You picked well.

Try to take care of yourself. Be gentle. You will find the right guy.

It's a long story , but I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 6 months. This is actually our second go around , we dated years ago.
During our time apart he married , had a child a divorced another woman.
They've been divorced a couple of years now, and his ex wife has made it known she wants to try again. even though she was the one who wanted the divorce.
He told me he feels like they should try again because they have a child together, so that's it for us.
I can't fault him for that, and if the little boy can have his parents together and happy that'ts what's best right ?
It just really hurts because I love him deeply.