Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT give your children any clue that you rely on them emotionally. It's too much of a burden for a child.

Your 9-year-old doesn't "get" you because he's not an adult. He doesn't get adult needs and problems. Don't project your needs onto him just because he's considerate.

+1

Agreed. Your kid is not your friend or confidant. He's not there to " get you".

This isn't about hiding emotions from kids or any of that nonsense some posters are trying to claim. It's emotionally unhealthy and you need to stop it OP. I think individual and marital counseling is in order here right away before you mess up your kid.

OP don't ever express concern about a surgery... we don't want kids to know that it is a normal human reaction to be worried about a surgery.

Also, stop noticing how kind your child is to his friends... that is very unhealthy and in deep need of therapy.

PP, Did you even read the post? ... I doubt it.

I think it's possible if you are talking about an adult child but otherwise no, I don't think a kid can "get' their parent on the emotional level.

I do think that kids can and do empathize in a way that reflects back what they have witnessed you as a parent do or others in reaction to certain situations but I don't think this means they truly get it. Kids have much more simplistic thinking.

And in the OPs case, I would suggest she be wary. To me, that her son reacted the way he did is more out of anxiety and fear that concern or compassion for her as a person but more for his own self (which of course is appropriate at his age). In a child's mind, they can easily think surgery = hospital = serious illness or death.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT give your children any clue that you rely on them emotionally. It's too much of a burden for a child.

Your 9-year-old doesn't "get" you because he's not an adult. He doesn't get adult needs and problems. Don't project your needs onto him just because he's considerate.

+1

Agreed. Your kid is not your friend or confidant. He's not there to " get you".

This isn't about hiding emotions from kids or any of that nonsense some posters are trying to claim. It's emotionally unhealthy and you need to stop it OP. I think individual and marital counseling is in order here right away before you mess up your kid.

oh damn, too funny. I meant to say "To the posTers saying..."

It works this way too I suppose.

to the posers saying "don't rely on child for emotional support" - Take a chill pill.

OP didn't say she relied on the child for emotional support. It sounds like she is just happy that her child is empathetic and knows how to comfort someone. Which speaks highly of her parenting skills and probably some level of natural ability on the part of her child.

At least her child isn't an uncaring brat who only thinks about him/herself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT give your children any clue that you rely on them emotionally. It's too much of a burden for a child.

Your 9-year-old doesn't "get" you because he's not an adult. He doesn't get adult needs and problems. Don't project your needs onto him just because he's considerate.

+1

-1

Nobody should rely on children for emotional support, but it is our job as parents to teach them to be empathetic, life is not perfect and people have bad days.

It is okay for your children to see you sad, mad, frustrated, overwhelmed, etc.

They need to learn how to deal with adversity, be able to show empathy... and you should show them that even though some days/weeks/months/years suck, you keep being the best person you can be.

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT give your children any clue that you rely on them emotionally. It's too much of a burden for a child.

Your 9-year-old doesn't "get" you because he's not an adult. He doesn't get adult needs and problems. Don't project your needs onto him just because he's considerate.

+1

Yep.

My 15 yr old son is like this. Always the first one to comfort me, very empathetic and caring when I am not having a good day.

Do NOT give your children any clue that you rely on them emotionally. It's too much of a burden for a child.

Your 9-year-old doesn't "get" you because he's not an adult. He doesn't get adult needs and problems. Don't project your needs onto him just because he's considerate.

Do you give your husband the same level of love and affection that you give your child?

I don't think this is that uncommon. Our (biological) kids are related to us by blood and my have inherited some of their temperaments from us. I know when I was a kid I understood where my mom was coming from much better than my father did -- my mom and I are very much alike.

My 16 year old does the same thing.

My H was raised by a dad who was in foster care (though family cared for him... about 4 different family members) and a mom who has severed OCD. They were also raised in a time when expressing feeling was bad.

So I am not surprise, I am pleasantly surprised that our world is evolving.

My other son, BTW, could have a wall fall on him and have no idea.

Enjoy it while you can. When he hits puberty his brain is going to fall out of his head.

That's very sweet though. Our DS was like that also.

My child knows just what to say and when and how to say it, often leaving spouse dumbfounded cause he does not have the same ability or willingness. I was expressing concern about some complications from surgery to spouse very quietly in the other room while they listened. DC came from the other room where he was playing a game on the iPad and walked past spouse and came and hugged me and started ever so gently patting me on the back. He always asks about my day, has a kind word, etc. He is thoughtful and kind with friends too. He is happy, makes friends easily etc. He can also stand up for himself and does it well and with logic and a lot of sense. He leaves me and DH speechless at times with his level of insight and awareness. At other times he's just a 9 yo kid. I have told him repeatedly that his job is to be a child and have fun and not take care of me. His reply is that he wants to take care of me. Thoughts? PS. He is adopted at birth, so he's not got genetics from me or spouse. TIA