You have to do the kiddish, and it is usual to do that for all comers (some people will be at services because that is what they do, and not because of your daughter).. You can go all out with a seated lunch, or something much simpler, but you do have to do something. Synagogue will have instructions.

We did the party at home. T was like most other parties we have had, except a bit nicer. I have a small house so I got a tent put up over the patio to make more room. I hired two waiters. The kids just hung out in the basement and played video games and ate pizza.

I should note that we go to a low-keyed shul, and my kid didn't want anything different than the party I threw.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

?
A catholic confirmation is a holy sacrament marking a person's adulthood in the church. Sound familiar? It's the same thing as a bat mitzvah...without the over the top expensive party.

How many kids are confirmed at one service? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. What language is a confirmation done in by the child? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. How much does the child speak during a confirmation? Now compare that to a bat mitzvah. Right. It's NOT the same thing as a bat mitzvah at ALL.

Anonymous wrote:it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones

NP here, for people more familiar with Roman Catholic milestones, what are the most important points either a parent or a guest should know so as not to have the right attitude going in, and not to put off others?

Anonymous wrote:A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

?

A catholic confirmation is a holy sacrament marking a person's adulthood in the church. Sound familiar? It's the same thing as a bat mitzvah...without the over the top expensive party.

Anonymous wrote:A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

I disagree. There is no religious requirement to have a huge party, and it's not a bad attitude not to want to spend tons of money on it. I had a medium-sized party at my own bat mitzvah and hated it. It was for my parents, not for me. And as a parent now, I cannot even contemplate dropping thousands on a party for a 12 year old.

A mitzvah is a good deed. She's not having a mitzvah. She's having a bat mitzvah. And you should learn about what a bat mitzvah is - it can't be compared to the Catholic milestones. Your attitude really rubs me the wrong way.

I was almost exactly in the same spot as you - Catholic raised simply and overwhelmed by the massive expensive galas that most people seem to host. We decided to have a post bar mitzvah lunch at the Red Fox Inn in Middleburg. We rented their largest private room, which was still pretty intimate. I don't remember the cost (it's been a while), but most of it was for the food and drink - which wasn't very expensive (although not all that great) They have an adjacent room that would be perfect for a smaller group. The Inn is incredibly charming and full of history. That may be a longer drive than you want to make, but people seemed to love it. The other ideas here seem really good, too.

Lunch party after the service for family and friends.

Rent a limo/party bus for your daughter and her friends for an evening outing. Perhaps dinner someplace fun in DC? Drive around the monuments/city? Stop someplace fun for dessert? Or dessert back at your house with a cool bat mitzvah cake?

Bowling parties are fun

Sorry for typos: independent dj

Use temple social hall, temple catering if the have it, get s independent do who will run games for the kids more than dancing. That's it. If the kids are nice, they'll have fun.

Pick a restaurant you like, see if they can a accommodate a group your size, go out to lunch or dinner. Later, she could h e a kid party at your house, or at a bowling alley, or at a place like Earth Treks.

Have the party in the synagogue social hall.

When I was a kid more low key, kid events were held at our community center.

The craziness will start this fall when my DD is assigned her date. I have no desire to partake in the Mitzvah Industrial Complex. I grew up Catholic and we celebrated my religious milestones by family going out to a fancier lunch after the event (at least for First Communion. I don't recall doing anything special for Confirmation). My DH isn't into the extravagant parties either, but I do appreciate the fact my DD might want *something*.

What are some ideas for lower-key mitzvah parties? I just want to start getting ideas before the actual planning starts. Both DH and I have very small families (as in, the only family members invited will be our our parents/siblings, their kids and spouse. A total of 12 people if everyone comes). We will invite some of our closer friends but wouldn't invite co-workers, friends that are more acquaintances) so it will be more a kid-heavy event. As we feel it should - it is our DD's party/celebration so she should invite the majority of the guests.