Anonymous wrote:Affair is at least dampened, but he keeps thinking that the thrill he had with her is what is missing from our life. I think he is also holding out hope they will be together.

I'm literally physically sick over this... Stomach is in knots and can't even keep water down.

He likely is. I'm sorry. I know that because I was in the same place. It took a LONG time to get past the affair.

Anonymous wrote:Affair is at least dampened, but he keeps thinking that the thrill he had with her is what is missing from our life. I think he is also holding out hope they will be together.

I'm literally physically sick over this... Stomach is in knots and can't even keep water down.

Oh hon, I know. You're in it now. The hard part. He has horrible moral character. Take care of you and your kids. How dare he put you through this! It's disgusting. move forward. You can do it.

Affair is at least dampened, but he keeps thinking that the thrill he had with her is what is missing from our life. I think he is also holding out hope they will be together.

I'm literally physically sick over this... Stomach is in knots and can't even keep water down.

Affair is the entire reason. Forget this loser. I know it's hard and impossible to believe right now, but your life is so much brighter without him. Truly.

Is the emotional affair over? If that relationship was broken off, could it be that he's mourning the loss of his friend? Especially if it was a long-term EA.

There is hope. It could be that separation may provide the distance for clarity to set in and you can decide what would be best for you and your kids.

It's been two years and finally I feel better. Like a huge weight has been lifted.

I could have written this exact post three years ago. It does get better but it takes time, with ups and downs along the way. Try to take it one day at a time, spoil yourself, focus on your kids, turn to close family and friends, take up fun hobbies, and wine, lots of wine. If you do divorce the road will be tough but you just have to keep your head down and muscle through it, and one day you'll start to feel better and will realize that you have a second chance at a life on your own doing exactly what you want to do, or with someone else who doesn't cheat on you. Either way, it's much better than the hell of being in that limbo or with someone you don't trust and treats you poorly. Good luck to you OP, you can do it!

You can do this, OP. And you deserve far better than a man who tells the mother of his children he doesn't love her anymore and won't put in any work to improve the relationship. Your mantra should be "I DESERVE BETTER."

It really does get better. I don't have kids but I went through a divorce and it's not easy learning how to live life on your own again and making adjustments in every single aspect. You can do this and you will come out stronger. I promise.

18 months is right on from my experience. It is impossible to see now but you will be OK. I think what I learned was focus on my child. I really made a conscious effort to enjoy my child still as much as possible and as sad as I was. I never wanted to look back and feel robbed of the magical time of childhood. I look back now and I'm very happy that that was my focus. And at that time my child needed me more than ever also. So I guess my advice is to also as much as possible try and stay in the moment with your kids it does seem to bring a lot of comfort and remind you of all the love you still have in your life

For me, it didn't get better until I cut the cord. Living in limbo like that is very hard. You keep hoping they will come to their senses but they rarely do.

Having him move out when it's a clear break (i.e. the relationship is over) is a tremendous help.

Having him move out while you're still trying to work things out - well that's more of the same hellish limbo.

It starts getting better. 18 months to 2 year mark for me. Keep up with the counseling, keep doing stuff with your kids, take an anti-depressant if you need to (i had never been a fan, but it got me through that first year).

You'll be okay.

Time and space. I'm a year into this and just now starting to be able to think clearly about what I want and what is best for the kids.

Him moving out, is selling the house, making a new start---it helped immensely.

And so did the anti-anxiety meds, my psych, and my friends. Lean on whomever/Whatever you need to get through this. But yes, it does get better.

Anonymous wrote:After 7 months of counseling, things haven't gotten better. We don't fight, we don't argue... He just says he gets no joy from our life and that he doesn't love me anymore. He had an emotional affair with a coworker, I suspect that is a big part of the issue.

I've asked him to move out. We have two elementary age boys. I don't want a divorce, but this situation is not healthy. Tell me it gets better, easier. Tell me I will stop feeling like vomiting all the time. Tell me I will be able to get out of bed and breathe in and out without having to force myself.

It does get better. Around 18 months. Better. Easier. His affair is a huge part of the issue. But there are probably other things you need to consider too. Good luck. Keep up the counseling.

After 7 months of counseling, things haven't gotten better. We don't fight, we don't argue... He just says he gets no joy from our life and that he doesn't love me anymore. He had an emotional affair with a coworker, I suspect that is a big part of the issue.

I've asked him to move out. We have two elementary age boys. I don't want a divorce, but this situation is not healthy. Tell me it gets better, easier. Tell me I will stop feeling like vomiting all the time. Tell me I will be able to get out of bed and breathe in and out without having to force myself.