Anonymous wrote:No. My brother dated a girl from foster care and there were just so many issues. I felt bad for her, but seeing (on Facebook) the nightmare she's become (stripper, druggie, single mom who got her kid taken away, suicide attempts) I'm glad my brother didn't marry her. I'm sorry.

And I know a women who aged out of foster care, went to college on a full scholarship, for married & now has a successful career, a husband of 10+ years & 2 kids she's a wonderful mother to

Judge him based on who he is now, not on how he grew up.

There could be a million reasons he was in foster care. Not all of them are ridiculously traumatizing. So, I'd give him a chance.

Sure, why not?

There are plenty of people out there who had miserable childhoods, foster care or not.

We ALL carry baggage w/us the older we get.

If he's a good guy at heart, his childhood should not be a dating deal-breaker.

That would be unfair since as a young child, there are many aspects of your life that you cannot control.

My mom's best friend grew up in an outright orphanage, old-school. It wasn't easy but she's had a wonderful life. Keep an open mind, OP.

Did he have the same foster parents for a while, or move around? How does he feel about his foster parents? I wouldn't read too much into not getting adopted. It can be a marathon of legal work to get it done, especially if the birth parents contest it.

if he is in ongoing therapy yes, but if not- the trauma related attachment shit will start to appear at some point. It all depends how comfortable you feel about that. Do a little research on epigenetic trauma, especially before having kids. Just because you are done with the past, doesn't mean it's done with you.

I know 2 guys. One is an amazing husband and father. He did a lot of therapy before meeting my friend and ramped up therapy again when the talk of kids came around.

The other guy I know is fiercely loyal to friends but has problems with finding the right woman. Spent 10 years on and off with a complete bitch. Now he's in jail for beating up an Uber driver.

Don't cut him off just yet....it will become apparent soon enough if he has too much damage or if he has learned to deal positively with his upbringing.

No. My brother dated a girl from foster care and there were just so many issues. I felt bad for her, but seeing (on Facebook) the nightmare she's become (stripper, druggie, single mom who got her kid taken away, suicide attempts) I'm glad my brother didn't marry her. I'm sorry.

Stop viewing it as a negative and give him a chance, perhaps he is asking his friends about dating you? After 6 it is hard to be adopted. Just DONt pity him. He must have had to survive on his own after 18. So probably independent, capable, and hardworking.

He's a nice guy from the little I know about him.

We met online so we're just in the getting to know each other phase. I don't know much about his experiences other than that he was in foster care starting at the age of 6, and he was never adopted.
He wasn't exactly forthcoming with this information only cam up when I asked a question.
I guess I just wonder how this lays out if we were to become serious.

Is this a Charles Dickens novel?

Are you worried about mingling with a lowborn pauper?

I'd be more interested in what he is now.

Of course. But just like any man , only if he has a kind heart, is hardworking and has a nice cock.

I would not rule it out, if you find that you truly care for him. At 26 you can afford to let things play out.

Better someone with a difficult childhood than someone who has never experienced adversity and feels entitled to an easy life. It depends on what his experiences were, but many foster parents are lovely people of truly amazing strength and character, so he may have picked up some wonderful things despite his difficult situation. Especially if he is open to therapy or other professional help to deal with the baggage, he could end up being a great partner and parent.

My best friend's husband did. They are very happy together.

We've only been on 2 dates so far.
Trying to figure out a third.
He's a very sweet guy but I'm wondering if perhaps there is too much emotional baggage.
For reference we're both 26.