What caused problems was,
1) I wanted him to brush his teeth first. This made me, according to him, too uptight/not spontaneous/not passionate.

2) every time had to be film worthy. In other words I had to act like a porn star. I just didn't have the energy all the time.

3) I had to service him regularly or he'd get grumpy, mean etc. So I tried to keep the frequency up, but then got criticized for not being "passionate" enough.

In other words, I think he had unrealistic expectations of what sex would be like after ten years of marriage, two kids, two jobs, etc. etc. I know I had my failings too, but at least I wanted to try, and did try.

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

He acts like a petulant toddler and I'm not a pedophile. He'd rather play headgames than have sex and play nice. He's unreliable, untrustworthy, and a jerk to me on a regular basis, and that just doesn't do it for me.

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

Eh, kinda? Not usually real-life people, though I can notice/appreciate someone attractive (I'm bi, so that "someone" could be of either gender). I'm honestly so burned out by my husband's nonsense that I assume all other humans have similar levels of nonsense and I tend to avoid them. Lately it has been easier to fantasize about characters in books or shows.

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

He never put in a damn bit of effort, no matter how I behaved (and I'm the lingerie-wearing, toy buying, GGG type, so it's not that I wasn't ready/willing/able).

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

Yes.

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

***His treatment of me - he consistently ignores or overrides what I want or need, whether big or small (where to live, what to eat). Also, he has a chronic illness that causes symptoms that are a big turnoff.

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

***Once in a blue moon.

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

***See #1 above.

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

***Once in a blue moon.

I should add, I am 55yo. I don't think nature designed women my age to desire sex much (or at all).

What makes you unattracted to your spouse? The 55 pounds he's allowed himself to gain, his laziness in bed, his need to (still!) have me tell him what to do around the house

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely? For sure

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active? His low libido and weight gain

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation) Yes, once or twice a week

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I don't have more sex with my husband is because he doesn't want more.

+1. My husband would rather play on his computer or phone than have sex.

Watch TV or surf the iPad, yes.

Divorced woman here:

1 - he let himself go, weight wise. Also, would pull away from regular non-sex affection like kissing.

2 - Yes, I was, but still remained faithful.

3 - same as number 1. Why would I have sex with you if you don't even want to kiss me or hold my hand? Get a hooker if all you want is sex.

4 - yes, at least once a week.

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about the points below:

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

I am very attracted to my H and he is to me.
Yes.
My H has PTSD and can't really function as a normal functioning person (loving/caring/intimacy), he has had it for many years, just newly diagnosed
Yes

We only recently stopped having sex, but it is more because his therapist and mine said it should be off the table for now. I don't think twice about it. It's fine, I am not defined by sex.

BTW, before we had sex about 2 times a week and my H always complained it was not enough. But I was not going to have sex if I did not want sex. He was "hurt/sad/angry/depressed" about it, the rejection. Well... so he said, it appears he was not correct, he was suffering from PTSD and blaming me for all his feeling that had nothing to do with me.

1. loss of trust and respect due to lies and unemployment
2. yes
3. loss of trust and respect due to lies and unemployment
4. not really. the needs die out the longer they are not met

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I don't have more sex with my husband is because he doesn't want more.

+1. My husband would rather play on his computer or phone than have sex.

The only reason I don't have more sex with my husband is because he doesn't want more.

1 - Schedule, lack of sleep, accumulated minor annoyances, his own lack of interest.
2 - Rarely. Mostly turned off.
3 - see #1
4- occasionally.

Anonymous wrote:what do you mean by regular?

I'm not the OP, but I would say "regular" probably means something like once a week or more.

what do you mean by regular?

Schedule is the biggest culprit.

I'm curious about the points below:

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)