At my private school people use gifts as a way of trying to buy favor for their younger children. It is annoying. I wish someone would do a joint gift instead of having to compete with people dropping $100 per teacher on their own.

Anonymous wrote:Because these roles are a major justification for sahms to sahm. If you look at the under 4-forum, there's a bunch of posts on there ranting about how sahms are the ones who do all the tremendously important volunteer work at school. In my experience, 90% of that volunteer work is self serving and they're doing it to justify staying home. The school and the world would go on turning without people in those roles....

I work and I volunteer as much as I can. It has nothing to do with justifying anything. I want to try to help do something that helps my kids in the end. Whether "helping" my kids is defined as helping their teachers or teaching them to give back or just helping their school community as a whole, I volunteer. That might mean passing water out at the 5k or taking in the payments for the Thanksgiving lunch. It might also mean stuffing Tuesday folders or doing copying jobs for the teachers. I have no ulterior motive other than genuinely wanting to help.

I completely get it is annoying to be always asked to give money for coaches, teachers, scout leaders, instructors, etc., however it is the norm and for a total of maybe $150/year it isn't such a big deal. I get a little annoyed when an organizer asks for a largeish amount ($25) for a group gift, per person, but then realize if I didn't like it, I should have stepped up to organize it.

I don't have a problem with it. These people give of their own time to help our children (be it sports or whatever) and without them, these things wouldn't happen. If you can't or don't want to, then don't. Easy.

As for teachers, I don't do an end of the year gift since I've already given Christmas, Valentines, and Teacher Appreciation. If we've had a good year, I'll send a nice note and copy the principal so they get the praise they deserve.

Anonymous wrote:When did it become a thing? I am from a poor, rural town and we did it 30 years ago when I was a kid, so this doesn't seem like some new craze of the affluent.

+1
We did it 50 years ago. It is a small way to say thank you.

Anonymous wrote:Because these roles are a major justification for sahms to sahm. If you look at the under 4-forum, there's a bunch of posts on there ranting about how sahms are the ones who do all the tremendously important volunteer work at school. In my experience, 90% of that volunteer work is self serving and they're doing it to justify staying home. The school and the world would go on turning without people in those roles....

Ditto. With all the DCUM volunteering, one would expect the area to be a veritable paradise.

When did it become a thing? I am from a poor, rural town and we did it 30 years ago when I was a kid, so this doesn't seem like some new craze of the affluent.

I truly have no idea and it's insane. When I was a kid though the room moms would collect money towards a large gift card though, so this has been going on since the 90s at least.

I think it signifies a less professional job when you get tips and thank you gifts. I've never gotten a tip in my job, but I do always try to give money gifts to my favorite janitor or security guard at work. Would never give monetary tips to colleagues who are paid a normal salary.

OP here. Sorry, I should clarify -- I too remember giving thank you gifts individually, usually something I made (card, etc.).

I should correct the title of my post: When did soliciting for monetary thank you gifts become a thing?

I remember doing this when I was in elementary school, so this has been a thing for 25 years.

That said, we mostly did homemade cards or treats, nothing Pinterest-worthy.

I give thank you gifts for the people who have really gone to bat and helped my kid. Yes, it is their job but *I* really appreciate them. So I'm giving them a small token of appreciation but ymmv.

When I was a kid we would bring the teacher flowers from our garden as a gift at the end of the year.

I think in general our society has gotten more consumerist and materialistic and that wouldn't fly anymore.

Because these roles are a major justification for sahms to sahm. If you look at the under 4-forum, there's a bunch of posts on there ranting about how sahms are the ones who do all the tremendously important volunteer work at school. In my experience, 90% of that volunteer work is self serving and they're doing it to justify staying home. The school and the world would go on turning without people in those roles....

So don't contribute. Done.

I agree with you.

But let me tell you - I totally play the game with my son's special education teacher. I have been VERY nice to her for the whole year, and in return she had my back when I requested a special placement for him.

In a nutshell, this is how it works.

As a spin off to another thread, why does anyone take it upon themselves to solicit money for thank you gifts for people who are doing a paid job? I get these requests for school teachers, school classroom assistants, and extended day staff.

I'm not trying to stir the pot. I genuinely do not understand why you are doing this. It's a hassle. I'm sure it alienates people who cannot afford the donation (maybe there aren't a lot of those in some of these schools, but hey). I think it's weird for people to ask for money in a totally unaccountable way. ("Hey -- send me funds on this paypal account!") It's not tax deductible. And I truly do not understand why you draw the line where you do.

Why not solicit money for the admissions staff? The groundskeepers? The library/art/music staff?

I think this whole thing has gotten out of control.

I understand it a bit more when it's to solicit money for thank you gifts for a volunteer (like a coach for a team) but even then it's weird. If you are thankful, then guess what, you can give something that expresses your gratitude. Isn't gratitude supposed to be individually-generated anyway? Why are you soliciting me for expressions of my gratitude to be made collectively? Maybe I hate the s.o.b. Maybe I want to buy him a six-pack of beer to express my gratitude instead.

Other posters talked of how grateful they were to the people who took this upon themselves to solicit funds for thank you gifts. I am not grateful. I am both incredulous and put out by it.

Flame away (or join me in the rebellion).