Anonymous wrote:Three kids here. I met my wife when she was 22 and she does not look the same. But neither do I. I think I'm more turned on by her now than I was then.

This is probably bothering you way more than it bothers him. Most men are mature enough to look beyond the superficial changes.

Have sex by candlelight until you get your confidence back. Everyone looks good in candlelight.

What if they are not (and you know this because you have been told so)?

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and I have self-esteem issues now and am not comfortable having sex. I don't mean this for the explicit group but let's just say that things do not look like they did did pre-babies and I don't like the way my vagina looks and feels nor do I like my stomach or my breasts. I also have no interest in sex.

Anyone else like this?

What exactly did you think was gonna happen?

Three kids here. I met my wife when she was 22 and she does not look the same. But neither do I. I think I'm more turned on by her now than I was then.

This is probably bothering you way more than it bothers him. Most men are mature enough to look beyond the superficial changes.

Have sex by candlelight until you get your confidence back. Everyone looks good in candlelight.

Working out helped me get my self-esteem back (and helped me lose baby weight).

You need an open marriage. He shouldn't be punished for this. Let him have a 25 year old side piece. You don't have to know anything about it

It took me a long time to get into a good groove of healthy eating and working out after my second child. I have lost 60 pounds. My abdomen will never look the same... it has stretch marks and loose skin.

My sex drive was gone for a while, because I am a working, nursing, tired mother of two. As I have taken care of myself, my self esteem is coming back, and my sex drive with it.

The kindest thing I have done for myself is feeding myself nutritious food, and doing moderate exercise (which could even be ~10-15 min of bodyweight exercises at home. It's more about diet than exercise.

I relate completely. It made me realize how much my being turned on was feeling that my body was hot and feeling that that's what my DH responded too. It's just my stomach that bothers me. It's really hard to feel sexy.

Does your lack of desire come from your self esteem issues or is it separate? I have had two kids and my self esteem is shot because my stomach looks awful and when I gained and lost the weight (not even that much - just 30 pounds each pregnancy, gone by the six week checkup each time) my breasts and stomach seem to just sag. I think it looks horrid. So I understand that completely.

My libido didn't really return till around a year after I had the last kid, but now it's back with a vengeance. I handle the self esteem stuff by wearing lingerie. So I wear some sort of sexy corset- type thing and by the time we are really going at it, I can deal with my husband removing it. It helps that he really wants me naked, so it must not be that terrible to him. I admit to preferring low light though. So if this is mostly coming from feeling self-conscious, I suggest you get some nice lingerie.

If it's more than being self-conscious, and this is way different than you were before libido-wise, are you just exhausted? Three kids is a lot. I was mentally exhausted and just kind of made myself start fantasizing and that would kickstart things. Or a glass of wine.

Your feeling are totally normal. Completely and totally.

If your hubby truly + sincerely believes you are beautiful then this probably is bothering you more than it should.

Your body carried three lives, created & maintained those three lives.
That in itself is life's greatest achievement.

You need to talk to your DH about this. I understand how you feel. I've got 3 kids and weigh more now than when I was pregnant with my last. My DH has been great. He say's the 'landscape' has changed but he still loves the lay of the land. If your DH is supportive and still attracted to you and you still feel this way, you should seek individual counseling.

Mommy makeover

What does your DH say? Life happens. We all look different/worse as we get older. People love each other and want to have sex with each other anyway.

Nope. Nobody. You're the only woman in a culture that tells women they're only worth their looks to ever feel this way.

I have 3 kids and I have self-esteem issues now and am not comfortable having sex. I don't mean this for the explicit group but let's just say that things do not look like they did did pre-babies and I don't like the way my vagina looks and feels nor do I like my stomach or my breasts. I also have no interest in sex.

Anyone else like this?