You post makes me cringe, OP.

Can you re-read it and see how awful you sound?

Why do you need your child to win so badly?
Why should your child not enjoy an athletic type of life without the competitive aspect of it?
Goodness knows college entrance is competitive enough.

Your child can be extremely successful in life without "learning to win" at sports. There is no eye-roll massive enough to post at the end of this sentence, so you'll have to do without.

Why is winning so important? It must be awful realizing that your parents are constantly disappointed in your performance when you're just out there trying to have a good time.

Some kids just aren't competitive by nature. Even if they're athletic, they'll just play sports for fun. Which is totally fine. My kid has that competitive drive, which means we are doing travel soccer at least a year earlier than I had planned, and I'm not 100% excited about the time/money commitment. It would have been easier to stick to rec for another year or two, but she was hungry for more soccer.

I never had a sport in which I excelled, but I was good enough at most of them to not embarrass myself in PE or camp or picnic situations. As an adult, I'm a fairly devoted runner and gym-goer. I think as long as your daughter is active and happy, that should be good enough.

My child was in the same situation so I can understand where you are coming from. We found an activity where she could excel on her own, compete, and win. That's what she needed - to know that she could compete and win as well as to know that even if she competed and didn't win, it would be as life shattering as she had built it up in her mind to be.

I think you're overly involved in this. As long as she's active and healthy, let her be.

Maybe you should put some of your competitive nature into pursuits for yourself instead of living vicariously through your kids.

There are many active and athletic pursuits that don't involve committing to a team. Sounds like that's the type of kid you have. If she's content I'm not sure why you are trying to change her.

My oldest has played a variety of sports and never seemed to want to win or be competitive until recently (about age 10). So, I suggest you give your DD time and not pressure her. You can encourage her to have goals and work towards achieving them - and let her learn the sense of joy and accomplishment that can result. But let her choose the goals and it doesn't have to be tied to a sport.

What's your goal for your child, OP?

At this age, I actually think it's ideal for kid's bodies to participate in a wide variety of sports and athletic activities so you don't create overuse injuries or imbalances. As long as she stays fit and works on her coordination and skills one way or another, I would keep the pressure off and just be happy that she enjoys being active and exercising/gaining skills in a variety of different activities. As an adult, I actually cannot do the sport I focused intensely on throughout high school because of overuse injuries and joint deterioration, and I'm grateful I have a variety of other activities to fall back on.

Raise the kid you've got, Op. She sounds great, healthy, like she enjoys herself. What's the problem?

Anonymous wrote:I hate to break it to you, but wanting to win comes from within. I drove my dad bananas - he would fuss at me and tell me I was just partcipating and not competing. I sure was. I have never cared what other people are doing, and Sports was no exception. That isn't something you can teach, sorry.

+1. I played on a varsity sport in high school and never really cared if we won. I loved practicing and the activity. I'm not a competitive adult.

My son sounds like your daughter. I think it's great that he's tried a bunch of things. DH is super annoyed that he doesn't put forth 100% effort on the fields like he does when he's running with friends for fun. It's really about he doesn't care about the competition and winning. This has actually caused arguments between us about the line between encouraging and pushing too hard.

You don't.

How old is she now? Some kids just don't feel driven to compete until they get older.

I hate to break it to you, but wanting to win comes from within. I drove my dad bananas - he would fuss at me and tell me I was just partcipating and not competing. I sure was. I have never cared what other people are doing, and Sports was no exception. That isn't something you can teach, sorry.

You can push her and she will resent it, or she can capture the love of her pursuits and own them.

Our DD was in soccer since preK to 2nd grade (and would have made travel soccer but she was close to concussions two times the last season so it was hard to get her to go even to house). She tried lacrosse- again, very good- excellent eye hand coordination- though contact sports didn't seem to be her thing. Our kids do swimming but we mostly want safety while swimming- though she did make the swim team and was invited for an A meet. She loved the team, was competitive at some "games" they played and did quite well- but she wasn't into it. She and her siblings are very athletic and active- roller bladding, biking, volleyball, basketball- anything she dives in as much as she can- so she is not a couch potato and will take electronics only if her siblings did too which was rare. Anyway, she has been in a tennis program after dropping soccer - she is really good! BUT- she has not been taught how to WIN, versus just play. She is so far at the top tier of playing at our swim club but the beginning threw her off so now she is intimidated. How can I get her back on? She can rally and play amazingly well but it just hasn't been competitive to this point.