Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his family feels the two of you are not a good match and are trying to stay at arms length so they don't suffer collateral damage when things finally resolve. It no excuse to treat you unfairly but it is a reason to treat you distantly. If you feel things aren't right then there must be a reason.

Well, according to him, his family has always been super weird around his girlfriends. They are very tight knit and do not welcome "strangers" or something.

Run, not walk, away from that dynamic. This is huge emotional & toxic baggage that will likely crush your relationship at some point or, at the very least, take many years of excruciatingly painful therapy to even attempt to move beyond. Speaking from experience...

Please listen to your heart.

When you marry, you marry the family. Plus, you are at an age where you could find a new boyfriend within 72 hours so just go.

I strongly advise you to go w/your gut here.

If the idea of being married to your boyfriend one day just doesn't appeal to you now, then there is simply no use in investing any more time w/him.

Plus it doesn't sound like his family even cares for you very much which will be very problematic for the two of you long-term.

Breaking up is never easy, but the pain is less intense the less time you stick around.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Is it just that he has waited too long to get married, and his family is distant with you? Or do you have other concerns about your relationship with him?

Its these two that make me feel weird.

Is it just that he has waited too long to get married, and his family is distant with you? Or do you have other concerns about your relationship with him?

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his family feels the two of you are not a good match and are trying to stay at arms length so they don't suffer collateral damage when things finally resolve. It no excuse to treat you unfairly but it is a reason to treat you distantly. If you feel things aren't right then there must be a reason.

Well, according to him, his family has always been super weird around his girlfriends. They are very tight knit and do not welcome "strangers" or something.

Bail, before you end up being one of those who wasted precious time on someone you shouldn't have wasted time on. Go have fun , be patient with yourself , enjoy yourself . Live !!!!!!
All of the above might make sense if you think you deserve better. In the event that your self esteem is shaky , then the joke is on you

The family is a big deal, but secondary to the fact that you don't sound like you want to be with him forever. Good for you for admitting it to yourself and realizing this NOW instead of after even more invested time. Now you need to admit it to him, and move on.

Bail

Maybe his family feels the two of you are not a good match and are trying to stay at arms length so they don't suffer collateral damage when things finally resolve. It no excuse to treat you unfairly but it is a reason to treat you distantly. If you feel things aren't right then there must be a reason.

I can't tell if you have fundmental concerns about the relationship, the lack of engagement, or both. Regardless it sounds like a recipe for disaster to continue on. I'd get out.

Your gut is telling you that he is not right for you. You need to let him go. That way you both can find someone else who is a better fit. If you have been together for 4 years - you are with him for the security. It will feel odd not being part of a couple with him, but you will find someone else. I was with someone (engaged) from 27 - 32. When we broke up it felt weird to not automatically have a date for work events and such. Then I really got into the groove and had a great time meeting different men and had a lot of fun. I met my DH when I was 36, have 2 kids and am really glad that I did not marry my first fiance'.

guy here - trust your gut and in this case, follow your heart (i.e., break up and move on).

I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years. We are in our late twenties. Even though we have spoken about getting married, something in my gut never feels comfortable with this arrangement. My boyfriend says all the right things but his lack of action in us not being engaged yet kind of stings. His mother and siblings are also stand-offish and have never truly tried to accept me or integrate me into their family. His mother and siblings are obsessed with this other girl that his best friend married 2 years ago and she always goes around saying how she is like a second daughter to her and all I get is a lukewarm reception. I have spent 4 years with their son and I feel I deserve respect and acceptance too. My heart sometimes wants to bail.