Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30. I'm not a fan of when guys treat women like they are "precious things". Holding car doors is one of those (IMO others doors should be held by anyone for anyone). I have a lot of friends with similar thoughts. We all grew up more Northern wonder if some of these guys have dealt with more women like us and that's part of it.

OP here: Thanks for your honest, respectful reply. I agree that part of it is that many women don't like it...and guys have been criticized for such behavior.

That's kind of why I wonder if it's better to tell them you prefer it. I'm not sure.

Pp here. Yes I think it's best to tell. I imagine it is hard being a guy and not being sure what might offend someone or not. If you otherwise like a guy, I see nothing wrong with being direct and telling them that you like it when guys hold car doors. If a guy is annoyed by it, not someone you'd want to date anyways.

Now I wouldn't say this on the first date because many guys would mistake you for being high maintenance.

The other thing is that if this turns you off to the point you completely lose interest, you might need to ease up a little because you'll be eliminating otherwise very nice guys.

Anonymous wrote:OP again:

Would you ladies tell the guy that you prefer chivalry in your guys? I'm not talking about in a critical way, but maybe as part of general conversation? ("I like guys who are hard-working, chivalrous, etc.")

Or would you be more direct? ("Hey buddy, you don't believe in holding doors!?") LOL

Or, third option: Say nothing.

You might start a conversation with him by asking,...... “Do you believe, as the saying goes, that chivalry is dead?” And, let the conversation continue from there. You will certainly have an opportunity to express your preference.........

Anonymous wrote:I'm not bothered by car doors, but my baseline is holding doors for anyone. One of my biggest peeves is people (male or female) who don't glance back and hold a door a few seconds for someone coming.

OP here:

I always hold doors for people behind me...or for people exiting as I enter a building. That's just common decency.

Men holding doors for women is a separate issue, I think.

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of a man's age opening doors for women and allowing the ladies to walk in first is a sign of good upbringing. Whether he does it more than a few times says whether he is a gentleman.

I agree. I know I can hold doors for myself. I know I can open my own car door.
But, I think it is a considerate gesture. Nothing wrong with being considerate.
I have found that men who take time to do these niceties are generally more attentive in relationships.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30. I'm not a fan of when guys treat women like they are "precious things". Holding car doors is one of those (IMO others doors should be held by anyone for anyone). I have a lot of friends with similar thoughts. We all grew up more Northern wonder if some of these guys have dealt with more women like us and that's part of it.

OP here: Thanks for your honest, respectful reply. I agree that part of it is that many women don't like it...and guys have been criticized for such behavior.

That's kind of why I wonder if it's better to tell them you prefer it. I'm not sure.

I'm not bothered by car doors, but my baseline is holding doors for anyone. One of my biggest peeves is people (male or female) who don't glance back and hold a door a few seconds for someone coming.

Not sure about the doors but my view (as a woman) is that polite _people_ hold doors for others. So, yes, I consider it a sign of politeness and a signal that a guy is considerate if he holds doors for me. But if he's carrying something, I'd hold the door for him. It's all part of a broader picture.

OP again:

Would you ladies tell the guy that you prefer chivalry in your guys? I'm not talking about in a critical way, but maybe as part of general conversation? ("I like guys who are hard-working, chivalrous, etc.")

Or would you be more direct? ("Hey buddy, you don't believe in holding doors!?") LOL

Or, third option: Say nothing.

I'm 30. I'm not a fan of when guys treat women like they are "precious things". Holding car doors is one of those (IMO others doors should be held by anyone for anyone). I have a lot of friends with similar thoughts. We all grew up more Northern wonder if some of these guys have dealt with more women like us and that's part of it.

No wonder you are still looking at 41. Too focused on superficial things.

Regardless of a man's age opening doors for women and allowing the ladies to walk in first is a sign of good upbringing. Whether he does it more than a few times says whether he is a gentleman.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a married woman in her 30s, I'm from the south, and I consider myself a feminist. I know I shouldn't care, but I certainly notice when men don't hold car doors or other doors open for me or other women.

Thank you for this! I was starting to wonder if I'm crazy.

Pp above. What I mean to say is that I really like it when men hold fours for me. I think it's classy, and considerate.

I'm a married woman in her 30s, I'm from the south, and I consider myself a feminist. I know I shouldn't care, but I certainly notice when men don't hold car doors or other doors open for me or other women.

Goodness knows I'm probably setting myself up for criticism, but...


I'm 41 and dating. I prefer younger guys (guys in their 30s), and I get turned off by guys [on dates] who don't open my car door and allow me to walk through doors first. Lately, I've gone on dates with guys who don't do these things. I certainly don't act like a jerk and stand there waiting for them to open my doors, etc. I proceed as normal, as if it doesn't bother me.

But, I can't help but feel that if you are trying to impress a woman, you should do these niceties. Am I way off base?

Sure, I've been with guys who don't open doors and who aren't generally chivalrous. I wouldn't call it a deal-breaker, but it's a turn-off for sure.

I guess what I'm asking you guys is: Am I pretty much alone? Would any other ladies find a lack of chivalry a turn-off?