What you meant to say is, "There are many reasons why a child with SN would become aggressive and only one of them has to do with a real or perceived power imbalance." Kids with SN can be bullies in the ordinary sense of the word. Kids with SN can also be aggressive and/or violent without being bullies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bullying can and does happen by kids with special needs.

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.

The safety of all children is paramount. The rights of the victimizer do not trump the rights of the rest.

I'm wondering if you have a child with SN. There are many reasons why a child with SN would become aggressive and none of them have to do with a real or perceived power imbalance. Anxiety is one of the more common reasons. Not saying aggression is excused but we have no indication that it is bullying in this case.

Anonymous wrote:Bullying can and does happen by kids with special needs.

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.

The safety of all children is paramount. The rights of the victimizer do not trump the rights of the rest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. The mother of the boy in question is very vocal about pretty much everything in her life, she blabbed about IEP many times. Parents, incl. myself, did communicate our issues to the school. That's why this boy now has extra adults watching him but it's clearly not enough. He is able to get into squabbles at the bus stop, at the gym, etc.

And yes, I don't want him to be in the same class with DS. I am tired of hearing about kids getting harmed by this bully.

You're out of line, OP, and showing your biases. I'm sorry for what's happening but that child is not a bully and you should stop calling him that. There is a big difference between a child who knowingly bullies other children because he feels good tormenting other people, and a child who can't control his outbursts. I'm sad for your child but I'm also sad for the other child. A first-grader is awfully young to incur such wrath.

Anonymous wrote:Talk to the administration and push for help now, not contingent on and IEP. Under the "response to intervention" model the school ought to be able to start providing some help now. The school may be playing a game of chicken waiting for things to get so bad that the child is forced to withdraw and/or the need for an IEP is undeniable. This is horrible for everyone involved especially considering that the IEP could take a long time or be ineffective. Aggression alone (without a clear diagnosis of something else) is also really hard to fit into an IDEA category until it gets truly bad ... which is not what you want. Also as far as the other parents go - please refrain from assumptions, you have no idea what they are doing. And people always lay the blame on the parents when the school is equally if not more to blame.

Sorry, this is a hard situation.

Anonymous wrote:First grade teacher here. I am confused by the level of detail in your post - how do you know such private info about IEPs and accommodations? I have had a few instances where parents start to gossip about kids in this way and it is usually full of misinformation and never really goes anywhere good.

I am confused about a "movement" to ask for a child to be removed. Surely you must know that it doesn't work like that right?

Now to on what may actually be helpful:

-Parents should communicate their concerns to the school. Sometimes in my career I have really advocated for a child to get a one-on-one aid and the school was sluggish to move until parents made enough noise. It shouldn't be that way, but it can be sometimes.

-Communicate your concerns about your child's safety to the teacher and principal. Ask them for specific information about how your child is being kept safe. They can't talk to you about discipline of the other child, but they should be able to articulate a plan for keeping your child safe. This can push the school to address safety concerns.

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. The mother of the boy in question is very vocal about pretty much everything in her life, she blabbed about IEP many times. Parents, incl. myself, did communicate our issues to the school. That's why this boy now has extra adults watching him but it's clearly not enough. He is able to get into squabbles at the bus stop, at the gym, etc.

And yes, I don't want him to be in the same class with DS. I am tired of hearing about kids getting harmed by this bully.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to the administration and push for help now, not contingent on and IEP. Under the "response to intervention" model the school ought to be able to start providing some help now. The school may be playing a game of chicken waiting for things to get so bad that the child is forced to withdraw and/or the need for an IEP is undeniable. This is horrible for everyone involved especially considering that the IEP could take a long time or be ineffective. Aggression alone (without a clear diagnosis of something else) is also really hard to fit into an IDEA category until it gets truly bad ... which is not what you want. Also as far as the other parents go - please refrain from assumptions, you have no idea what they are doing. And people always lay the blame on the parents when the school is equally if not more to blame.

Sorry, this is a hard situation.

and ps: anxiety is actually a good hypothesis explaining aggression, so not sure why you are skeptical about that. Blaming the mom for how she has come to terms with issue is not really helpful. Unless you want her to go around saying "you are all right, my son is a horrible sociopath and must be removed from society!"

Not helpful, but OP is frustrated that her child is bearing the brunt of the other child's anxiety. Venting online is not unhelpful for a lot of people.

Anonymous wrote:First grade teacher here. I am confused by the level of detail in your post - how do you know such private info about IEPs and accommodations? I have had a few instances where parents start to gossip about kids in this way and it is usually full of misinformation and never really goes anywhere good.

I am confused about a "movement" to ask for a child to be removed. Surely you must know that it doesn't work like that right?

Now to on what may actually be helpful:

-Parents should communicate their concerns to the school. Sometimes in my career I have really advocated for a child to get a one-on-one aid and the school was sluggish to move until parents made enough noise. It shouldn't be that way, but it can be sometimes.

-Communicate your concerns about your child's safety to the teacher and principal. Ask them for specific information about how your child is being kept safe. They can't talk to you about discipline of the other child, but they should be able to articulate a plan for keeping your child safe. This can push the school to address safety concerns.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to the administration and push for help now, not contingent on and IEP. Under the "response to intervention" model the school ought to be able to start providing some help now. The school may be playing a game of chicken waiting for things to get so bad that the child is forced to withdraw and/or the need for an IEP is undeniable. This is horrible for everyone involved especially considering that the IEP could take a long time or be ineffective. Aggression alone (without a clear diagnosis of something else) is also really hard to fit into an IDEA category until it gets truly bad ... which is not what you want. Also as far as the other parents go - please refrain from assumptions, you have no idea what they are doing. And people always lay the blame on the parents when the school is equally if not more to blame.

Sorry, this is a hard situation.

and ps: anxiety is actually a good hypothesis explaining aggression, so not sure why you are skeptical about that. Blaming the mom for how she has come to terms with issue is not really helpful. Unless you want her to go around saying "you are all right, my son is a horrible sociopath and must be removed from society!"

Anonymous wrote:Talk to the administration and push for help now, not contingent on and IEP. Under the "response to intervention" model the school ought to be able to start providing some help now. The school may be playing a game of chicken waiting for things to get so bad that the child is forced to withdraw and/or the need for an IEP is undeniable. This is horrible for everyone involved especially considering that the IEP could take a long time or be ineffective. Aggression alone (without a clear diagnosis of something else) is also really hard to fit into an IDEA category until it gets truly bad ... which is not what you want. Also as far as the other parents go - please refrain from assumptions, you have no idea what they are doing. And people always lay the blame on the parents when the school is equally if not more to blame.

Sorry, this is a hard situation.