Anonymous wrote:My daughter's first birthday is coming up and I'm in the process of planning. I asked her dad if he wanted to help with the arrangements and he said yes. But, I do not want to extend an invitation to his new girlfriend and her kids. (He cheated with her when my daughter was born and is around every once and a while.) Is this wrong of me???? I'm trying to be accepting but I feel like it's going to be uncomfortable with both of them there with my family....

Of course you shouldn't invite her. She's merely a gf, certainly shouldn't have that around your family. If she is still hanging around I would continue to do separate parties, leave him out as well. It's part of moving on in a healthy way. Your ex doesn't need to be around your family either imo.

I suspect he will understand if you want him to come alone this year. You probably won't get to keep her away from events forever, but I think at least this year, it's understandable. If he can't promise to come alone, tell him you can do separate parties. Either way, the kid won't remember, so don't do anything just for the sake of the kid.

Next time don't invite him to help. When it is your party that you organized you can invite whomever you want (or not). You can invite him as a guest and make it clear that the invitation is being extended only to him. If he doesn't like that, then he can organize his own party for the DC on his own time and invite whomever he pleases.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter's first birthday is coming up and I'm in the process of planning. I asked her dad if he wanted to help with the arrangements and he said yes. But, I do not want to extend an invitation to his new girlfriend and her kids. (He cheated with her when my daughter was born and is around every once and a while.) Is this wrong of me???? I'm trying to be accepting but I feel like it's going to be uncomfortable with both of them there with my family....

So you invited ex to "help" and now you expect his GF to stay home?

Next time do not include them with your family and friends if you don't want her to come.

Pressure from immediate family that it's still her father.... Tried to be fair.

Why would she even want to attend. If I were her I would stay home.

I would feel the same way. You want to enjoy your daughter's first birthday. I can't imagine you really can with her around. Frankly I wouldn't want him there either (he can do his own party for her).

The woman my ex cheated with is not welcome at any event I am hosting, and between mom my crying at the sight of her, my good friends snubbing her, and all our acquaintance avoiding her so as not to get mixed up in any drama, I don't imagine she would have a very good time. For me it's pretty clearcut with a child young enough not to have an opinion. I think it's trickier if the kid is older, attached to the ex's GF, and wants her at the party. But, I have a few years before I need to navigate that one.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter's first birthday is coming up and I'm in the process of planning. I asked her dad if he wanted to help with the arrangements and he said yes. But, I do not want to extend an invitation to his new girlfriend and her kids. (He cheated with her when my daughter was born and is around every once and a while.) Is this wrong of me???? I'm trying to be accepting but I feel like it's going to be uncomfortable with both of them there with my family....

So you invited ex to "help" and now you expect his GF to stay home?

Next time do not include them with your family and friends if you don't want her to come.

I'd do completely separate parties. At 1, your daughter is never going to remember. I think it would be good for you to put up strong boundaries and not expect to have a close relationship to him. You can still effectively coparent without mingling.

My daughter's first birthday is coming up and I'm in the process of planning. I asked her dad if he wanted to help with the arrangements and he said yes. But, I do not want to extend an invitation to his new girlfriend and her kids. (He cheated with her when my daughter was born and is around every once and a while.) Is this wrong of me???? I'm trying to be accepting but I feel like it's going to be uncomfortable with both of them there with my family....