Anonymous wrote:Some smug married people treat you like you have some disease they don't want to catch (there was even a whole thread about this in relationships the other week, where people were talking about how divorce is contagious)

I'm sorry people treat you like that. I have a number of single-mom friends and my hat is off to them.

Single mom of one. DS's dad has been out of the picture since DS was an infant. I agree with PPs who said being a single mom beats being married to someone who doesn't help out or worse, who expects to be coddled like a child. I would hate to argue about "whose turn" it is do everything. Also it's good to make all decisions - no having to negotiate how much to spend on activities or birthday parties or which extracurriculars to sign up for. I'm totally fine with it being all on me. Sometimes it would be nice to get a break, but it would never be worth the price of co-parenting with a jackass.

PP here. I have my DD 100% of the time. My ex lives halfway across the country with his newish wife and kids. I take my DD to visit him twice a year b/c his new wife won't let him come here to visit.

Anonymous wrote:
It's all on you. All. On. You.

There is no reprieve from the onslaught of responsibilities. Go look at the Default Parent thread and multiply the exhaustion times infinity. It never stops. This is your whole life. Forever.

I have great kids and am luckier than lots of folks. It is still so much more difficult than anyone tells you.

This is a pro and a con for me. Not having to rely on someone else to do something is a big pro for me. Read the hundreds of threads from wives about their husbands who don't pull their weight or that mom is the default parent. I could not stand having a grown adult in my house who doesn't do half of the work (if both spouses work FT). I've had to listen to soooooooooo many friends complain that their DHs need to be coddled like a child. No thank you. I do it myself and it gets done 100% of the time. Is it tiring? YES. But my DD is 10 now and I get some time off when she spends the night at friends' houses and goes to camp for 2 weeks. She does her own laundry and I am starting to teach her how to cook (or at least heat stuff up). I'm happy with how our lives are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's all on you. All. On. You.

There is no reprieve from the onslaught of responsibilities. Go look at the Default Parent thread and multiply the exhaustion times infinity. It never stops. This is your whole life. Forever.

I have great kids and am luckier than lots of folks. It is still so much more difficult than anyone tells you.

ON the other side of it - you don't have anyone to answer to in how you raise your child. That's incredibly freeing.

Also, it depends on the kind of single mom. Single mom with no support and no income to get a sitter - that sounds like hell on earth to me. My own situation - single mom, makes good money, kids go to dad's every other weekend -- it has it's pluses.

Freeing for the mom. Hell for the kids, if mom has crazy ideas.

Here comes the "I hate single moms" poster!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's all on you. All. On. You.

There is no reprieve from the onslaught of responsibilities. Go look at the Default Parent thread and multiply the exhaustion times infinity. It never stops. This is your whole life. Forever.

I have great kids and am luckier than lots of folks. It is still so much more difficult than anyone tells you.

ON the other side of it - you don't have anyone to answer to in how you raise your child. That's incredibly freeing.

Also, it depends on the kind of single mom. Single mom with no support and no income to get a sitter - that sounds like hell on earth to me. My own situation - single mom, makes good money, kids go to dad's every other weekend -- it has it's pluses.

Freeing for the mom. Hell for the kids, if mom has crazy ideas.

I think I have the best of all worlds. My male partner and I have been together for 10 years. We're not married though. I wanted children and he was ambivalent. He has older kids and had a vasectomy. So the kids are all mine even though we raise them together.

For big decisions we discuss what to do but the reality is, I get to make the final decision. When it was time to get a passport, he didn't need to come. When it was time to go through Child Find, he was involved but he didn't have to sign anything and really had no say. It makes scheduling appointments much easier.

I find that it makes life much easier. Financially, I owned our house before him and before the kids. I make enough to support me and kids if we ever separate. I've put away for their college funds and my retirement.

You don't have to consider someone else's opinion when making a decisions. All decisions are on you.

I'm a single mom with full custody, and a deadbeat ex husband

Pros: I get to make all decisions (disciplinary, education, etc.).
My kids know that I've worked my butt off to provide for them, and they appreciate that and don't take me for granted, having been abandoned by their dad

Cons: It's all on me. It's hard when I'm sick - there's no one to take turns with
It's stressful to be the only financial provider my kids have. It's also keeping me from contributing to my financial goals (retirement, saving for college) as I'd like to
Some smug married people treat you like you have some disease they don't want to catch (there was even a whole thread about this in relationships the other week, where people were talking about how divorce is contagious)
Dating can be challenging

Anonymous wrote:
It's all on you. All. On. You.

There is no reprieve from the onslaught of responsibilities. Go look at the Default Parent thread and multiply the exhaustion times infinity. It never stops. This is your whole life. Forever.

I have great kids and am luckier than lots of folks. It is still so much more difficult than anyone tells you.

ON the other side of it - you don't have anyone to answer to in how you raise your child. That's incredibly freeing.

Also, it depends on the kind of single mom. Single mom with no support and no income to get a sitter - that sounds like hell on earth to me. My own situation - single mom, makes good money, kids go to dad's every other weekend -- it has it's pluses.

Also, the pros and cons list I think looks very different between

a) a choice between being a single mom and never having kids
b) a choice between being a single mom or staying in a less than happy marriage

What type of single mom? I think there are different sets of pros and cons for single moms with no dad in the picture (ie, sperm donor route); single moms with an unreliable former partner, and single moms with a reliable former partner but who still have greater than 50% custody.

What is the pro? Not having to deal with a man? Not all men are bad though.

It's all on you. All. On. You.

There is no reprieve from the onslaught of responsibilities. Go look at the Default Parent thread and multiply the exhaustion times infinity. It never stops. This is your whole life. Forever.

I have great kids and am luckier than lots of folks. It is still so much more difficult than anyone tells you.

.....please be honest.