WTF are you talking about?

DD doesn't issue the invitations, she is not hosting. She is the guest of honor and can suggest. But the question of the invite has been resolved.

Anonymous wrote:Are you invited?

OP here, yes. My ex sent me an evite.

^ ok, or a personal invitation directly from the ex. But you'll have to ask firmly if step-mom is in agreement with him on inviting you.

I can really empathize, my first response would be "hell no!" but the best answer is probably what the others have said. Go for a little bit, say hi to her friends and then quietly slip out.

Anonymous wrote:Unless you get a personal invitation directly from step-mom, you have not been invited. What your DD wants, thinks should happen is not important - not even on her birthday. If you get the above invitation, I do think you should suck-it-up and go - then it's about your DD's happiness, not yours.

WTF are you talking about? OF COURSE what DD wants - particularly on her birthday - matters and is important.

Anonymous wrote:DD needs to learn to accept "no" in life. I see nothing wrong with telling her "no."

No, that isn't right. Adults should act like adults and be able to get along for the sake of their child.

OP, touch base with husband and see if you are invited. You don't need to stay the whole party. Offer to bring the cake, drinks, something.

Unless you get a personal invitation directly from step-mom, you have not been invited. What your DD wants, thinks should happen is not important - not even on her birthday. If you get the above invitation, I do think you should suck-it-up and go - then it's about your DD's happiness, not yours.

I would go, to be there for your daughter.

This is probably the last year she does a real party. In middle school, my DD started doing smaller sleepover birthday parties, or going to a restaurant with a few friends, which is easier for you and your ex to split up.

Are you invited?

Anonymous wrote:That sucks OP. I think it must be very hard. But I would go. You are going to be dealing with him and the new wife for the rest of your life at every major life event for your daughter. So get started now.

I agree with this. It sucks, it's not fair, but it is what it is and this woman will be in your life for the foreseeable future. Just focus on your awesome kid and definitely make sure to take yourself out for a treat afterwards as a reward, you'll deserve it big time.

Anonymous wrote:Go. Plan a treat for yourself for afterwards, and keep thinking about it during the party. Take a million pictures so you don't have to chit chat with your husband and his wife. If you have a family member or close friend, bring them. Or, is there a mom of one of your DD's friends that you are friendly with? Ask her if she's mind staying at the party to provide moral support. I would do that kind of thing in a heartbeat for a another mom.

I understand your trepidation, OP, but I agree with the above. You don't even have to stay the whole time, but go, be civil, and then go get a massage/buy shoes/do something fun and different for yourself.

That sucks OP. I think it must be very hard. But I would go. You are going to be dealing with him and the new wife for the rest of your life at every major life event for your daughter. So get started now.

DD needs to learn to accept "no" in life. I see nothing wrong with telling her "no."

Go. Plan a treat for yourself for afterwards, and keep thinking about it during the party. Take a million pictures so you don't have to chit chat with your husband and his wife. If you have a family member or close friend, bring them. Or, is there a mom of one of your DD's friends that you are friendly with? Ask her if she's mind staying at the party to provide moral support. I would do that kind of thing in a heartbeat for a another mom.

DD is turning 10 in a few weeks and originally I was going to throw a party for her. Her dad told her that he and her stepmom were going throw a pool party for her and she told me she rather do that instead. I told her that was fine and that we can go out to dinner or something another day to celebrate. Turns out DD wants me to come to the party her dad is throwing. I really don't want to go because his wife, I know that's petty, but she's the reason for my divorce so I really don't want to be around either one of them. I know it's not about me, it's about DD, but this is hard. Any advice on what to do in this situation?