It's a relationship, Op. I find the wording of your post very curious and sad actually. I know what you're asking, but I don't think a relationship is ever thought of in this manner, not between adults. Adults choose to be together, talk together or they resume when it's more convenient. It's not a responsibility, an obligation or a chore.

My kids are 28 and 32. They live 1,400 miles away. So, how much of my time they take up nowadays would be about three hours a week on the phone with them.

Really depends OP as others have said.

We have only one and she lives in SF. We'd love to see her more!

Two of my kids are 21 and 24. I text with each every day or every other day. I don't really have to do anything for them at this point. We facetime a couple of times a week - that can go up or down depending on what is going on.

My 9 and 12 yr olds are much more dependent on me. But I've noticed when their older siblings are in town, I do much less for them.

My kids are 14 and 16, and they are very rarely available to do anything with me, between school, sports and friends. It will be much worse when they are adults

This is from am the opposite side. I'm an only child and just had a baby. My parents are young and still work and travel a lot and have a lot of friends and interests. All my mom wants to do right now is come over and be wth her granddaughter. She still works and enjoys it but every weekend she's here and calls and stops by after work on weekdays because she misses her. It's like a switch went off as soon as she was born. You never know how you'll be. Oh and my inlaws are pretty much the same way. I love and appreciate that my kid has such involved grandparents (I gripe sometimes that I want my own space with her but this time is so short I just let everyone come and spend time with her).

Anonymous wrote:There are no guarantees. Some young adult kids launch well and live independent lives right away, and others don't...due to special needs, illness, mental illness, substance abuse, ADHD, immaturity, irresponsibility, inability to get a job...or any number of other reasons. It doesn't necessarily have to do with how good a parent you are, your socioeconomic status, or anything else you have control over. It's impossible to plan your life 20 years out...I'd encourage you to make the decision that feels right for you right now, and trust that your family life will unfold as it should.

+1. You're overthinking it, OP.

There are no guarantees. Some young adult kids launch well and live independent lives right away, and others don't...due to special needs, illness, mental illness, substance abuse, ADHD, immaturity, irresponsibility, inability to get a job...or any number of other reasons. It doesn't necessarily have to do with how good a parent you are, your socioeconomic status, or anything else you have control over. It's impossible to plan your life 20 years out...I'd encourage you to make the decision that feels right for you right now, and trust that your family life will unfold as it should.

You know it will all be up to you, right? If you want to spend one weekend a year with the grandkids, you can. If you want to do daycare for the grandkids while their parents work, you can.

I only have 2 but at this point they don't really "take" very much time. One lives in another country and is pretty independent although does call 1-2x/week. Occasionally we help with things like taxes or other financial matters. The other is in college and is home for vacations. I suspect this one will be very independent post graduation.

I think it depends a lot on the kid and the parents. For example one friend lives with her daughter and is the live-in caregiver for her 3 grandkids.

I have 2 kids, and I want 3. One of my concerns is that with 3, my retirement years will be absorbed by child-related things. still. I want to be involved, of course, especially with grandchildren, but I want to do my own thing too. What are your experiences having 3 kids? Thanks.