Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I am now torn between the do-nothing camp and the "knock it off" camp. Hmm...I do think it was intended as flirting, but it's unwanted. It's a colleague not a supervisor. Would you mention it to a supervisor?

At the very least, document it. Write down the date, the time, the place, exactly what was said.

Personally, I think it's better to go to HR than to a supervisor. But a lot depends on the company/organization you work for.

One thing you could do is go to HR and suggest some training. You don't even have to say there was an incident. But you could just say that you were wondering if they ever did any training with staff (mandatory) about what constitutes harassment and what legal protections people have.

The mere suggestion would likely prompt them to do some training. If your coworker truly meant it as harmless flirting, then he might get the message through that kind of training.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever had luck going to HR over being harassed? And by luck I mean, the harasser stopped and you were able to stay at your job? I was sexually harassed in a big law setting, but when I thought about reporting it, I just couldn't see any way to do that and continue to advance and get work from partners. I felt like I would be seen as a potential liability and everyone would avoid me. Has this worked out well for anyone?

I did not. I, along with several coworkers, reported my manager for sexual harassment which included unwanted touching, all of which was witnessed and attested to by coworkers. He was given a warning, came back to the office the same day and let us all know he got off without punishment and if we ever came after him again, he'd ruin us. I went to another manager that I trusted and asked what I should do and was told there was nothing to do and he wasn't going anywhere. I'll never bother with HR again.

I'd get a lawyer. That's ridiculous.

There are actually legal protections you have as an employee, and one of them is not to be sexually harassed. The fact that he threatened you after you reported it gives you an even stronger case.

I would never tolerate a supervisor who sexually harassed me, especially unwanted touching. Blech. No job is worth that.

I know that now, thankfully. At the time, I was a naive recent college grad that believed all the onboarding bullshit about company culture and whatnot.

At this point, if I ever have something similar happen, HR will get the required notification so show I did my due diligence and if action isn't taken (and I will always assume it won't be from now on) it's straight to a lawyer for me. Also helps that I have since married a lawyer that knows an awful lot about employment law.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever had luck going to HR over being harassed? And by luck I mean, the harasser stopped and you were able to stay at your job? I was sexually harassed in a big law setting, but when I thought about reporting it, I just couldn't see any way to do that and continue to advance and get work from partners. I felt like I would be seen as a potential liability and everyone would avoid me. Has this worked out well for anyone?

I did not. I, along with several coworkers, reported my manager for sexual harassment which included unwanted touching, all of which was witnessed and attested to by coworkers. He was given a warning, came back to the office the same day and let us all know he got off without punishment and if we ever came after him again, he'd ruin us. I went to another manager that I trusted and asked what I should do and was told there was nothing to do and he wasn't going anywhere. I'll never bother with HR again.

I'd get a lawyer. That's ridiculous.

There are actually legal protections you have as an employee, and one of them is not to be sexually harassed. The fact that he threatened you after you reported it gives you an even stronger case.

I would never tolerate a supervisor who sexually harassed me, especially unwanted touching. Blech. No job is worth that.

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever had luck going to HR over being harassed? And by luck I mean, the harasser stopped and you were able to stay at your job? I was sexually harassed in a big law setting, but when I thought about reporting it, I just couldn't see any way to do that and continue to advance and get work from partners. I felt like I would be seen as a potential liability and everyone would avoid me. Has this worked out well for anyone?

I did not. I, along with several coworkers, reported my manager for sexual harassment which included unwanted touching, all of which was witnessed and attested to by coworkers. He was given a warning, came back to the office the same day and let us all know he got off without punishment and if we ever came after him again, he'd ruin us. I went to another manager that I trusted and asked what I should do and was told there was nothing to do and he wasn't going anywhere. I'll never bother with HR again.

Has anyone ever had luck going to HR over being harassed? And by luck I mean, the harasser stopped and you were able to stay at your job? I was sexually harassed in a big law setting, but when I thought about reporting it, I just couldn't see any way to do that and continue to advance and get work from partners. I felt like I would be seen as a potential liability and everyone would avoid me. Has this worked out well for anyone?

"Wow. Did you day that?"

"Wow. Did you day that?"

Thanks. I am now torn between the do-nothing camp and the "knock it off" camp. Hmm...I do think it was intended as flirting, but it's unwanted. It's a colleague not a supervisor. Would you mention it to a supervisor?

Anonymous wrote:If it's low-level (not serious enough for HR, but obnoxious) I usually try to insult the person for being old/unattractive. Jokingly, but just mean enough that it isn't "fun banter" and kind of hurts their feelings. E.g. "No thanks old man, doubt you can even stay up that late."

This is horrible advice because if it escalates and you do have to go to HR, the other person has a claim of harassment against you. Age is a protected class, so joking about someone's age (the "old man" comment) is a no-no. So if the person continues to make comments and the comments get worse, you've backed yourself in a corner because going to HR means that you will likely be reprimanded as well for your comments.

If anyone ever says anything that borders on sexual harassment, the best thing to do is not in any way indulge it or participate in it or banter back. It might start out as "low level," but you never know when it will reach a level that it makes you miserable on a regular basis and you have no choice but to go to HR.

And while we're at it, I don't think there is such a thing as "low level" when we're talking about sexual comments in the workplace.

It depends.

Is this person a supervisor or a coworker? How much influence does this person have over your job, assignments, et cetera?

There's a part of me that would be inclined to mention politely to the person that the comment made me feel uncomfortable.

The problem is that you risk subtle retaliation.

If it only happened once, I'd leave it. If it happens again, I think the best thing is to go to HR. At the end of the day, there are legal protections if you go to HR with a sexual harassment claim. And even though it doesn't seem like it on the surface, a sexual comment (even if made in jest) that makes you feel uncomfortable in the workplace is sexual harassment.

While in an ideal world, you should be okay to just politely tell the person to stop, if there is no one around when you approach them, your words could get twisted.

It's far better to not at all respond to the comment(s), not laugh, not joke back, nothing, and then just go to HR if it continues.

"That's disgusting. Knock it off."

If it's low-level (not serious enough for HR, but obnoxious) I usually try to insult the person for being old/unattractive. Jokingly, but just mean enough that it isn't "fun banter" and kind of hurts their feelings. E.g. "No thanks old man, doubt you can even stay up that late."

Depending on the level of sexual content, I'd let it pass the first time and if it happened again, would confront him/her and say that was inappropriate and I hope I don't have to hear it again.

"You do that one more time, I will go to HR."

How would you respond? Looking for a good, strong, response that isn't scorch and burn given the context.