Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents would not come until the baby was a week old. My mother wanted us to have our "bonding time". THen they stayed for 6 days. The ended up visits once or twice a year for the next 15. My in-laws did not come for several week for the first one and never for the second one. In both cases, we visited far more often than they did.

How old are your parents? IME, baby boomer grandparents tend to be around more than pre-war parents. All of my children's grandparents were depression babies.

Parents are in their 70s, so basically boomers.

To me, it reads like they are very caught up with their own lives, and so kind of detached from their kids - but I feel so unkind thinking that. (Also, like I said, not my battle, not my issue, not my kid. Just seems really weird to me.)

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they don't want to hang around the hospital. I'd be wondering, if it were me, what I'd find to do and what use I'd be. Stand around staring through the glass at the baby sleeping in the NICU? Meh. Unless I were requested to be there, I too would wait until the baby was home to come spend time and bond and actually help out.

Anonymous wrote:My parents would not come until the baby was a week old. My mother wanted us to have our "bonding time". THen they stayed for 6 days. The ended up visits once or twice a year for the next 15. My in-laws did not come for several week for the first one and never for the second one. In both cases, we visited far more often than they did.

How old are your parents? IME, baby boomer grandparents tend to be around more than pre-war parents. All of my children's grandparents were depression babies.

Anonymous wrote:Oh god, I wouldn't want my parents or MIL around that much in the hospital with baby in NICU. My dad would be annoying. My mom would be somewhat helpful because she's also a doctor, so it would in theory be nice to have her input -- wouldn't have to go anywhere for a top-notch second opinion. But she probably wouldn't come.

I don't understand the "must visit in the hospital!" thing. I didn't want hospital visitors. I was struggling with breastfeeding and pumping, I was vulnerable and physically exposed, I was recovering from a C/S...I didn't want people around. My MIL was there from morning to night all days we were in the hospital and I just wanted her to go home (she also invited her SIL without telling us...wtf). I have one friend in particular who thinks it's her duty as a good friend to visit in the hospital...I managed to hold her off but she was waiting at our house when we got home. With food. That was fine.

Now, if you're talking about older babies -- I can sympathize. My mom, for all her medical help and expertise, doesn't seem to have much interest in actually seeing DD (now 18 months), although she does seem to welcome my medical questions and likes to send gifts occasionally. I think she has only seen DD 2-3 times, and they just moved cross county so it will be even less often now. My dad has come on his own several times and very much wants a relationship with DD. He was devastated to move so far away but my mom insisted. The only downside is, DH can't stand him and he isn't the greatest house guest, although he tries.

Anonymous wrote:Are your parents retired?

Anonymous wrote:Often NICUs don't want family there all the time. Babies who are there need to rest and can't always be held a ton. It really depends what the issues are.

They also might be waiting until your sibling and baby go home to be more hands on.

I'd stay out of it, especially since your sibling is not concerned.

Anonymous wrote:Some people are not baby people. I, for one, do better once the kid can talk to me. Also, some people are not hospital people. A NICU is a stressful place with lots of rules and lots of sitting there doing nothing. Your parents know that someone else is ensuring the baby gets the best care, they don't see any reason to go there and sit on a bench all day.