Anonymous wrote:Lately, I do not *feel* in love with my dh. Everything he does seems to irk me and I find it tiresome when he tries to make love to me. I don't know why I feel this way and it is scary. What to do?

Take a day off and try to figure out the root of the matter. Then talk together about it and try to fix it. The love will come back but something else has been building here and it needs resolving, not brushing off again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I hear you. I feel the same way about wife right now. Wish we could take a huge break. But we have kids, so we have to make this work.

Try to remember is that marriages have routine ups and downs, and we will have ups again. Have to wait out for the ups. Also, it helps to remember what the alternative is. Not going back to being single. But a divorced dad, shuttling kids, dealing with wife's boyfriend, splitting up finances. Etc. So I have to suck it up, be kind, and hope we can get a positive cycle again.

If we can find a way to connect sexually, it melts tension. So we have to manufacture some passion and force the sexual part. Which is why, as others say, monogamy absolutely, positively sucks.

So if you do not want to be single, have a wife with a bf, etc., what's the alternative?

I would be fine with wife having bf. She can't have sex without emotions. Plus, she has much lower sex drive and is fine with quickie a couple times a month

Anonymous wrote:Love isn't a feeling, it's an action.

Yes, change your actions and you will change your feelings, not the other way around.

Anonymous wrote:Op, I hear you. I feel the same way about wife right now. Wish we could take a huge break. But we have kids, so we have to make this work.

Try to remember is that marriages have routine ups and downs, and we will have ups again. Have to wait out for the ups. Also, it helps to remember what the alternative is. Not going back to being single. But a divorced dad, shuttling kids, dealing with wife's boyfriend, splitting up finances. Etc. So I have to suck it up, be kind, and hope we can get a positive cycle again.

If we can find a way to connect sexually, it melts tension. So we have to manufacture some passion and force the sexual part. Which is why, as others say, monogamy absolutely, positively sucks.

So if you do not want to be single, have a wife with a bf, etc., what's the alternative?

Op, I hear you. I feel the same way about wife right now. Wish we could take a huge break. But we have kids, so we have to make this work.

Try to remember is that marriages have routine ups and downs, and we will have ups again. Have to wait out for the ups. Also, it helps to remember what the alternative is. Not going back to being single. But a divorced dad, shuttling kids, dealing with wife's boyfriend, splitting up finances. Etc. So I have to suck it up, be kind, and hope we can get a positive cycle again.

If we can find a way to connect sexually, it melts tension. So we have to manufacture some passion and force the sexual part. Which is why, as others say, monogamy absolutely, positively sucks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sigh, I am with you.
I stare at my husband sometimes and think, "I really want to love you."

I go up and down with this. Honestly, I think it's the monogamy bullshit that makes it all so dull.

Last person anyone of my friends or family would think feels this way, but I agree about monogamy. Problem is, very difficult to have a loving, spousal relationship with someone else on the side, even if an open marriage is agreed upon. Sex and love create basketloads of insecurities. I tend to fall for a person I am having sex with and overlook less desirable traits. That is, I really have no solution for myself and spouse to have other partners and then remain committed to each other. The only thing I can think of is a swapping situation with a like minded couple where there are specified rules designed to protect everyone's health and relationships. If my partner agreed, I would try it in a heartbeat.

Yet another couple on the verge of ending their relationship. It all begins with harmless looking mutual agreement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sigh, I am with you.
I stare at my husband sometimes and think, "I really want to love you."

I go up and down with this. Honestly, I think it's the monogamy bullshit that makes it all so dull.

Last person anyone of my friends or family would think feels this way, but I agree about monogamy. Problem is, very difficult to have a loving, spousal relationship with someone else on the side, even if an open marriage is agreed upon. Sex and love create basketloads of insecurities. I tend to fall for a person I am having sex with and overlook less desirable traits. That is, I really have no solution for myself and spouse to have other partners and then remain committed to each other. The only thing I can think of is a swapping situation with a like minded couple where there are specified rules designed to protect everyone's health and relationships. If my partner agreed, I would try it in a heartbeat.

Anonymous wrote:Sigh, I am with you.
I stare at my husband sometimes and think, "I really want to love you."

I go up and down with this. Honestly, I think it's the monogamy bullshit that makes it all so dull.

Sometimes love is an action, a choice, a behavior. The feelings come back. Try the 40 day love dare. Religious stuff aside, it gives you things to do every day to help you remember how to love.

Making love? That's what a woman does to a man while he's fucking her.

Love isn't a feeling, it's an action.

Sigh, I am with you.
I stare at my husband sometimes and think, "I really want to love you."

The in love hormones don't last forever.

Try having sex instead of making love?

Lately, I do not *feel* in love with my dh. Everything he does seems to irk me and I find it tiresome when he tries to make love to me. I don't know why I feel this way and it is scary. What to do?