Anonymous wrote:Why no responsibility from children to parents, when they spent at least 18 years of your life raising you, loving you till the day they die( for most people)? Why favor DH/DW more than parents when they only in your life after you're an adult.

that is what they signed up for when they chose to have you. you didn't have a choice in being born or having those parents.

i chose to create my own family and selected a husband. i made commitments to him, and thus i need to honor and cherish him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why no responsibility from children to parents, when they spent at least 18 years of your life raising you, loving you till the day they die( for most people)? Why favor DH/DW more than parents when they only in your life after you're an adult.

Because they're still working to build up retirement, college savings for their kids and still have a mortgage. If the grandparents had taken care of all that when they were in their 30s-50s, they wouldn't need help later on.

Also, you favor DH/DW because you CHOSE to build a life with them and promised them. You didn't choose your parents. This is a more Christian thing where a man leaves his parents and cleaves to his wife, Asian cultures don't tend to have that.

This is so selfish and SO fucked up. You're a terrible person.

I'm not selfish or fucked up? I chose to have the amount of children that I did and when to have children based on what I could afford. My money must go towards them now. I love my parents deeply and spend lots of time and affection on them, but financial help is not going to happen. They also would never, ever allow their children to pay for their living expenses, they're prideful.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why no responsibility from children to parents, when they spent at least 18 years of your life raising you, loving you till the day they die( for most people)? Why favor DH/DW more than parents when they only in your life after you're an adult.

Because they're still working to build up retirement, college savings for their kids and still have a mortgage. If the grandparents had taken care of all that when they were in their 30s-50s, they wouldn't need help later on.

Also, you favor DH/DW because you CHOSE to build a life with them and promised them. You didn't choose your parents. This is a more Christian thing where a man leaves his parents and cleaves to his wife, Asian cultures don't tend to have that.

This is so selfish and SO fucked up. You're a terrible person.

I'm not selfish or fucked up? I chose to have the amount of children that I did and when to have children based on what I could afford. My money must go towards them now. I love my parents deeply and spend lots of time and affection on them, but financial help is not going to happen. They also would never, ever allow their children to pay for their living expenses, they're prideful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why no responsibility from children to parents, when they spent at least 18 years of your life raising you, loving you till the day they die( for most people)? Why favor DH/DW more than parents when they only in your life after you're an adult.

Because they're still working to build up retirement, college savings for their kids and still have a mortgage. If the grandparents had taken care of all that when they were in their 30s-50s, they wouldn't need help later on.

Also, you favor DH/DW because you CHOSE to build a life with them and promised them. You didn't choose your parents. This is a more Christian thing where a man leaves his parents and cleaves to his wife, Asian cultures don't tend to have that.

This is so selfish and SO fucked up. You're a terrible person.

Nope, PP is exactly right. Your responsibility as an adult is to your children - which is the way it has always worked in my family and DH's family (and basically all the white, American families I know.) My parents didn't help out their parents, they focused on us. We will do the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why no responsibility from children to parents, when they spent at least 18 years of your life raising you, loving you till the day they die( for most people)? Why favor DH/DW more than parents when they only in your life after you're an adult.

Because they're still working to build up retirement, college savings for their kids and still have a mortgage. If the grandparents had taken care of all that when they were in their 30s-50s, they wouldn't need help later on.

Also, you favor DH/DW because you CHOSE to build a life with them and promised them. You didn't choose your parents. This is a more Christian thing where a man leaves his parents and cleaves to his wife, Asian cultures don't tend to have that.

This is so selfish and SO fucked up. You're a terrible person.

Anonymous wrote:Why no responsibility from children to parents, when they spent at least 18 years of your life raising you, loving you till the day they die( for most people)? Why favor DH/DW more than parents when they only in your life after you're an adult.

Because they're still working to build up retirement, college savings for their kids and still have a mortgage. If the grandparents had taken care of all that when they were in their 30s-50s, they wouldn't need help later on.

Also, you favor DH/DW because you CHOSE to build a life with them and promised them. You didn't choose your parents. This is a more Christian thing where a man leaves his parents and cleaves to his wife, Asian cultures don't tend to have that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don't have individual right and parents have chosen to give up a lot of their rights by becoming parents.

But if you mean nuclear family vs extended family? Nuclear family always comes first. Money flows downhill and is for the youngest generation. There is no family responsibility from children to parents.

Why should't adult children help out parents?

Depends on the parents and depends on the kids. My parents used money in an effort to control me when I was under 18, in many cases didn't supply even the basic things any decent human being would supply for their child, obviously didn't help pay for college or anything related to college. It wasn't an issue of them not being able to provide things, it was a conscious choice not to. Yes, lots of people will say parents don't owe their kids things (though I would disagree about the basics they failed to provide). A few years ago my brother suggested I send mom a monthly payment to help her out (even though she eats out, shops and spends more than we do). Not going to happen. My brother was treated differently and thinks we "owe" her. Ha.

Anonymous wrote:Why no responsibility from children to parents, when they spent at least 18 years of your life raising you, loving you till the day they die( for most people)? Why favor DH/DW more than parents when they only in your life after you're an adult.

+1

Why no responsibility from children to parents, when they spent at least 18 years of your life raising you, loving you till the day they die( for most people)? Why favor DH/DW more than parents when they only in your life after you're an adult.

Anonymous wrote:Kids don't have individual right and parents have chosen to give up a lot of their rights by becoming parents.

But if you mean nuclear family vs extended family? Nuclear family always comes first. Money flows downhill and is for the youngest generation. There is no family responsibility from children to parents.

Why should't adult children help out parents?

Anonymous wrote:Kids don't have individual right and parents have chosen to give up a lot of their rights by becoming parents.

But if you mean nuclear family vs extended family? Nuclear family always comes first. Money flows downhill and is for the youngest generation. There is no family responsibility from children to parents.

+1 and that is how my family operates, but there is a ton of resentment and innuendo in my DH's family that the children should be helping the parents financially (who spend freely on themselves on credit and then look around to see who can pick up the bill). It is very unsettling.

Kids don't have individual right and parents have chosen to give up a lot of their rights by becoming parents.

But if you mean nuclear family vs extended family? Nuclear family always comes first. Money flows downhill and is for the youngest generation. There is no family responsibility from children to parents.

I agree with the PP. I have zero patience for kids who say "I didn't want the dog, therefore I don't need to take care of the dog". Your individual rights are trumped by the greater need of caring for a family member.

There is no conflict. When you take on family responsibility by having a family you give up your individual rights. Or, those rights are immediately and voluntarily subordinated.

How do you reconcile the sometimes conflicting ideas on individual liberty in the context of family responsibilities?

Thoughts?