Anonymous wrote:You guys need to lay out a budget, with a "personal" line item for each of you. You can blow yours on spa days or buy grocery cards for your family from that line item without him bitching, and he can go golfing or buy whisky or whatever without you bitching.

DH is actually quite frugal. He is obsessed with saving money. At the same time, he is good to me and lets me go to the spa, nail salon, shopping, travel, whatever I want. He likes to make me happy. What he doesn't realize is that these material items don't really matter much to me. I would be much happier if I skip shopping and spend the money on my family.

We already take my family on a vacation per year. I visit my family without him and I will buy my mom some new clothes. It is probably my own guilt because we live a somewhat lavish lifestyle while my family lives so modestly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't know really what to say. See if he will go for it in exchange for a reduction in your personal spending?

I actually got a cheaper Mercedes this year. Instead of getting a $100k+ car, I got a 55k car. I did this because I wanted to get my brother a new car. I thought we could get my brother a ~20k car. DH got upset at me because he said I should have gotten a nicer car if I wanted a nicer car. I think the my wanting to be generous is what bothers DH and in turn this bothers me greatly that DH does not want to be generous.

Notwithstanding your husband's desire for you not to work, get a job! I find this concerning. You two are not on the same page at all and he is going to resent you.

OP - Does your brother qualify for HEAP, Food Stamps, etc.? Do you and DH claim your brother as a dependent for tax purposes?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't know really what to say. See if he will go for it in exchange for a reduction in your personal spending?

I actually got a cheaper Mercedes this year. Instead of getting a $100k+ car, I got a 55k car. I did this because I wanted to get my brother a new car. I thought we could get my brother a ~20k car. DH got upset at me because he said I should have gotten a nicer car if I wanted a nicer car. I think the my wanting to be generous is what bothers DH and in turn this bothers me greatly that DH does not want to be generous.

Are you a troll? You said in your original post that your husband is generous with your brother, and based on your story it sounds like he is. He bought him a house and pays all his bills.

You guys need to lay out a budget, with a "personal" line item for each of you. You can blow yours on spa days or buy grocery cards for your family from that line item without him bitching, and he can go golfing or buy whisky or whatever without you bitching.

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't know really what to say. See if he will go for it in exchange for a reduction in your personal spending?

I actually got a cheaper Mercedes this year. Instead of getting a $100k+ car, I got a 55k car. I did this because I wanted to get my brother a new car. I thought we could get my brother a ~20k car. DH got upset at me because he said I should have gotten a nicer car if I wanted a nicer car. I think the my wanting to be generous is what bothers DH and in turn this bothers me greatly that DH does not want to be generous.

Well, I don't know really what to say. See if he will go for it in exchange for a reduction in your personal spending?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.

I agree. It doesn't sound like SAHM is for you.

DH wants me to stay home. He thinks it is best for our children. He loves our children more than anything.

I want to ask for a certain amount to be placed in a separate account per month that I can spend as I choose. I was thinking $5k. For the record, I spent at least $10k per month.

Ok - so then have that discussion with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.

I agree. It doesn't sound like SAHM is for you.

DH wants me to stay home. He thinks it is best for our children. He loves our children more than anything.

I want to ask for a certain amount to be placed in a separate account per month that I can spend as I choose. I was thinking $5k. For the record, I spent at least $10k per month.

I would go back to work if I were you.

I have no opinion on that. But if I wanted to give my family of origin more than my spouse wanted to give, I would work. I don't think you have a right to be upset that he doesn't want to give more.

Anonymous wrote:No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.

I agree. It doesn't sound like SAHM is for you.

Anonymous wrote:No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.

So you think DH has a right to feel upset that I want to be more generous with my family?

I know DH thinks that he is more than generous already. He bit my head off the other day because I had purchased a $100 gift card from Wegmens while I went grocery shopping. I can't remember if it was a target gift card or what I purchased for my brother. It caused a huge fight.

No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.

DH earns a seven figure income. We decided that it would be best for our family that I leave my well paying six figure job to focus on the kids. DH is very generous with me and our children. I can pretty much buy and do anything for myself or the kids. I have a disabled brother that we support financially. It is probably my own guilt but I feel bad and guilty that I spend thousands and thousands of dollars on travel while my brother drives an old car and lives on a very limited budget. I often have to hide a few hundred in cash to give to my brother. DH bought a home for my brother and pays all his bills. I know he is generous but I would like to be more generous. I have brought this up to DH and DH gets upset about it and how he has 2 families to support. I would prefer DH to give me X thousand per month. If I choose to buy a new Chanel bag or save a few months and buy my brother a car, I want to do as I please. I want to buy my parents some new furniture. I hate that I feel like I have to ask DH for this. If I were still working, this would be a non-issue.