Time alone without the kids, especially if he made it happen (but that's rare).

Not much... a glass of wine while we sit on the same couch watching sports/netflix/ or going for a hike. But I feel pushed away from him when he is being needy, critical, selfish and yelling.

Our children.

Anonymous wrote:And don't say sex, because the feeling of connection is what leads to sex -- right?

And there's your problem.

What we have is beyond sex. It's a much deeper level, almost like we're one. I can't explain it only to say if one of us were to die the other would too.

I have never felt that kind of connection to anyone else.

When he uses my old nickname.
When he holds my hand while we're walking somewhere.
When we're out to dinner with another couple and he puts his arm around my shoulder and touches my neck and shoulder.
When he smiles at me from across the room or down the street.

When he listens to me.

All of the cliche stuff...talking about our relationship, him telling me that he loves me (particularly when I am mad), talking about each other's problems, him having my back in a disagreement with a family member, him actively helping to solve my problems (this is where him doing chores comes in).

Sex does not really make me feel connected to my husband. I know that we just feel really differently about it. It is much more emotional for him, and much more biological for me. Like, if we don't have sex for a while, it hurts his *feelings.* I just feel like I want to have sex. Like if I haven't eaten a food I really like in a while, I start thinking about it. And while I enjoy having sex/eating that food...I don't feel lonely or bad about myself if I don't get it.

Things that make me start thinking about sex are anything that makes me want to have more babies (with him). I don't actually want any more babies, but some things make that feeling pop up. And some things make that feeling never pop up. This is why I think that some women who love being pregnant/having babies, want to have sex all of the time post partum. While other women who aren't really fond of that stage aren't really interested for a few years, but maybe are again later when the kids get to a more enjoyable age.

Anonymous wrote:And don't say sex, because the feeling of connection is what leads to sex -- right?

It is a two-way street. Having frequent and enthusiastic sex with the partner makes them feel wanted and worthy within the relationship too. I want my spouse to WANT to have sex with ME as much as I want them to enjoy the act of sex itself. So it is an emotional affirmation as well as a physical connection.

The bitch is connected to my wallet.

When he provides emotional support.

Sex. It's true though. You talk to your husband, family and friends. You hang out and spend time with husband, family and friends. BUT, you have sex with your husband, not the others (at least I don't). It's probably the strongest bond two people can have.

Laughing. I really miss being amused by and amusing DH. Every now and then one of us makes a good joke and it reminds me of the fun times we had before we we were constantly exasperated by one another.

Discussions about our future
Spending time together without distractions (walking/dinner out)

And don't say sex, because the feeling of connection is what leads to sex -- right?