Anonymous wrote:OP here, teachers. Also to PP, I'm not interested in shunning MIL from our lives, this is just a vent. I don't fully understand her animosity, nor does my husband. He is no shrinking violet, But he chooses to turn the other cheek as much as he can, while confidently living his life the way he wants to live it. You can do that without "forbidding" your mom in your house.

eh, she's older, set in her ways and she likely has some preconceived notions regarding other professions. That's all on her. Obviously, we can't all be teachers nor should we all be teachers - totally unrealistic. Our society needs doctors, engineers, brick layers, landscapers, store managers etc too. But for Mom all of those professions are unknown territory....

I think you are handling things well. Don't lose your cool and realize that it is o.k. and actually pretty vital to work in a field that YOU enjoy.

You should run to get a pad of paper and a pen and write down all her criticisms. "Wait, what? Our kids watch too much TV? Let me make a note of that."
"OK, so being a great dad and father and all-around good guy means nothing because Steve's not a doctor? Let me make a note of that."

Anonymous wrote:I find these MIL threads unbelievable.

IF this is true, he's grown. He should tell his mother what he thinks. You being his mother/wife should not interfere. This is between him and his mother.

Do you feel the need to protect him from his big bad mother ?

Just a FYI, there is no law that says you HAVE to invite her to stay at your house. I'm thinking your post is really about that. If anyone treated my spouse, my kids, myself like this, they would never step foot in my home. I don't care who they are.

This. Have your DH establish ground rules so she isn't so boring next time.

OP here, teachers. Also to PP, I'm not interested in shunning MIL from our lives, this is just a vent. I don't fully understand her animosity, nor does my husband. He is no shrinking violet, But he chooses to turn the other cheek as much as he can, while confidently living his life the way he wants to live it. You can do that without "forbidding" your mom in your house.

I find these MIL threads unbelievable.

IF this is true, he's grown. He should tell his mother what he thinks. You being his mother/wife should not interfere. This is between him and his mother.

Do you feel the need to protect him from his big bad mother ?

Just a FYI, there is no law that says you HAVE to invite her to stay at your house. I'm thinking your post is really about that. If anyone treated my spouse, my kids, myself like this, they would never step foot in my home. I don't care who they are.

Military?

Hm, I'm actually guessing the opposite of the others. Is x-profession teaching, and your husband chose something more lucrative so MIL thinks it's selfish? Maybe she resents that your family is in a different class than the rest and she feels like her son's choice is a rejection of the life she was able to give him?

Anonymous wrote:You should just say what x-profession is. My guess is doctor, lawyer or maybe engineer, in that order. I'm going with doctor, though.

nope. Teachers.

It's doctor, right? Tell her to get over it.

You and DH should plan a response, something like: You - "MIL, John is never going to be a doctor. Ever. He's a great, successful software engineer, and there's no way he would even consider disrupting his chosen career. He is doing what he wants to be doing, he's providing very well for our family, and we are happy. Doctor isn't going to happen." Say this smiling. The DH chimes in with "Yeah, mom, what's with all the doctor stuff? I'm good at my job and it's my permanent job. Why isn't that ok with you? Let it go! Plus, you wouldn't want me operating on you anyway - I'd probably kill all my patients I'm so grossed out by blood and guts I'd just pass out."

Be nice, be joking, be calm. But be very clear about it.

Anonymous wrote:Don't argue with her. When she brings it up, don't even respond more than once. "DH's job really works perfectly for our family". Then if she brings it up again, you give her a terse smile and say "how about those Nat/Caps?!". Next time, you ignore it 100% and just launch into something else.

If you try to justify your life to her, she will think it's up for debate. If you don't engage, she can't keep arguing because no one is arguing back.

This is such good advice for all of the in-law (or parent) threads.

You should just say what x-profession is. My guess is doctor, lawyer or maybe engineer, in that order. I'm going with doctor, though.

Don't argue with her. When she brings it up, don't even respond more than once. "DH's job really works perfectly for our family". Then if she brings it up again, you give her a terse smile and say "how about those Nat/Caps?!". Next time, you ignore it 100% and just launch into something else.

If you try to justify your life to her, she will think it's up for debate. If you don't engage, she can't keep arguing because no one is arguing back.

She sounds very stressful and unfun. But just as SHE gets to live her own life so do you and your dh. Parental approval and support is nice, of course. But confidence and independence is even better. Good for your husband for having the guts to go against the grain and do what HE wanted to do.

Ooooh what are the careers in question? Some mothers are crazy. My mother is still upset that I am not a doctor. I always tell her that she's free to go to medical school herself and live out that dream.

One more MIL vent....she comes to visit, stays in our home, eats the food we make, and then spends the rest of her time with us criticizing my husband's choice of profession. Really?! She LITERALLY spent hours criticizing my husband's job, Because he is the only person in the family who isn't a "x-profession". Wow. Thanks for the visit. I love "x-profession", they are great, but my husband is great too! He doesn't think he lives an unfulfilling life, but thanks for pointing out that YOU think he does. We have a beautiful family, a home we love, great friends, and lots of hobbies. We save money like crazy, thanks to his generous salary, and will be able to help our kids with tuition and have almost paid off our house. We Live modestly. I don't think she will consider him successful until he quits his job and starts "x- profession". She said as much this visit.

I am so sad for my husband. He brushes it off, but it also really hurts his feelings. He said to me this weekend "I know I'm not the favorite" which just breaks my heart, because he is so sweet, so smart, so good at what he does, and such a great dad and husband. I love him so much and it kills me to watch his family denigrate and belittle him, as we are entertaining them in OUR home. This is just a vent.