Anonymous wrote:He may outgrow the acting out but if you put yourself in his shoes, it sucks to have your mother leaving on trips all the time.

Ridiculous answer (and entitled) answer.

Another thing that worked well was to have something "special" he'd only do with his dad while I traveled. We would pretend it was top secret "don't tell mom". While I was very much aware of what they were doing it created a special bond between DS and DH and helped my son get his mind off the changes going on while I was away. The secret might be that they had dinner at McDonald's - something I would not normally do, or it could be breakfast for dinner - my son's favorite meal. It was pretty cute seeing my son try to keep the "secret" from me when I got home.

+1 for the social story that PP recommended. Social stories work really well for that age. Can you FaceTime with him in the evening?

When my DS was that age he had a similar reactions. I would create little "books" that talked about how I was getting there (train, car, air) with pictures, then pictures and words about the city I was going to - visuals so he could see and think about the city. Then I would give him an idea of my day when I was there. He loved the little "books" and started to look forward to me going for the book. I also found that although I missed him call or sky ping him made things worse - however texting or emailing messages to my DH that could be read to him worked better. My DS was and still is very schedule driven so anything that changed his schedule got him anxious. He also acknowledged that he was worried Daddy would forget to pick him up, or take him to soccer etc. So I began working with him to create "his" schedule for his dad - lots of pictures, also created a list of his favorite foods, nightly routines etc. It seemed once he felt in "control" things went better. It seems like I was doing a lot of work for a short trip but honestly I only remember it being an issue in Kindergarten and part of 1st grade after that he seemed to get better at managing me going away.

egiller wrote:My daughter also has difficulty when I travel. After a tough time this fall during/after a trip, our school OT recommended I draw out my plan (though my daughter can read and is highly verbal). Basically, draw the plane/train/automobile that you will take. Make an agenda for him to view. Review it with him. Have your husband/school/nanny, whomever, review it with him. A fun visual schedule. Make a small one for each day you are gone - and the date when you fly/drive/bus home. For some reason, this helps some kids feel comforting and better comprehend (rather than feeling hurt or sad at the gut level that mom isn't home).

This is a good idea. I do think its easier for him to understand a visual schedule. I'll try that. To pp - the thing that changes is that I usually give my son a bath and read him books/lay next to him before he goes to bed. Hard to replicate that, but I could try reading something for him over the phone. That might make him feel better.

Thanks for the suggestions.

is it just that you are gone or are other things changing because you're gone? does your DH cook different things, does he have a babysitter or a different aftercare schedule, does he go to sleep or wake up at a different time, etc.? Because if the thing that's making him act out is your absence, that's a different issue than if the thing is that you always put bubbles in the tub and let him splash but DH gives him a quick shower and your son hates that.

If you do most of the day to day childcare when you are home, is there a way you could switch off and have DH do it more? Probably things would get worse for a while but then it wouldn't be such a shock when you do leave.

My daughter also has difficulty when I travel. After a tough time this fall during/after a trip, our school OT recommended I draw out my plan (though my daughter can read and is highly verbal). Basically, draw the plane/train/automobile that you will take. Make an agenda for him to view. Review it with him. Have your husband/school/nanny, whomever, review it with him. A fun visual schedule. Make a small one for each day you are gone - and the date when you fly/drive/bus home. For some reason, this helps some kids feel comforting and better comprehend (rather than feeling hurt or sad at the gut level that mom isn't home).

Uh thanks for your thoughts pp, but that wasn't helpful whatsoever. I travel about 1x per month. I have to work, my husband takes care of our son. I don't have a choice. If I did I wouldn't travel at all.

He may outgrow the acting out but if you put yourself in his shoes, it sucks to have your mother leaving on trips all the time.

I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle this. I've tried preparing him for it - but that doesn't seem to help at all. Maybe it makes things worse. I talk to him about when I'm coming back, what we'll do when I get back and we also face time while I'm gone.
Unfortunately none of these things seem to prevent him from having a bad day at school (hes a rising Kindergartner) and its usually not just one day, but several after that. I really don't want to bribe him with something..and I really don't think that will make a difference anyway.

He is really having such a good week this week, and I fear that on Monday he will revert back to acting out, not listening, throwing fits etc. (this is what happened the last time I traveled. He was wonderful the week before and then it all went downhill when I was out of town). I'm leaving Sunday and come back Monday evening.

Now, mind you most of these trips are usually only 1 overnight, 2 max. But that seems to mess up the rest of the week anyway.

Any suggestions?