Anonymous wrote:Does your dh have a difficult relationship with his mother in general? Was this fight over text? How far out is the trip? Might he calm down in a few days?

Sorry, just saw it was this weekend. It seems crazy to disappoint your extended family over this. I'd try arguing for their sakes, perhaps even suggesting not seeing mil if he's still so heated about her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So MIL is concerned that your dog, who lives with your son, is going to attack your son, which he has presumably not done before?

My guess is that she thinks that our dog and her dog are going to attack each other and our son (who is newly crawling) is going to get in the middle of it. It's completely irrational because (1) my dog is completely sweet to our son, (2) our dog and their dog have growled at each other but have never attacked one another, (3) in the 5 years our dogs have been together at their house we have always been aware that the dogs aren't bffs and make sure we pay attention to what they're doing at all times, (4) we have brought our son and our dog to their house 3 times already and she never mentioned that she didn't want our dog there.

No matter what the reason, my feeling is that family is more important than the dogs (although our dog is like a child to us!) and why are we cancelling this trip over the dogs?!? Clearly this fight is more than just about the dogs.

If the dogs and have done things that make you aware they aren't BFF's, then MIL is right to think that they might not get along and maybe shouldn't be together. The baby is newly crawling so something that seemed ok before might not seem ok now. I agree that the whole thing seems like a lot of paranoia, but I could see the thought process.

Or, maybe MIL just doesn't want your dog and came up with an excuse that backfired.

But here's the thing. It's her house. She said no dog. Don't bring the dog. Your husband is completely wrong to dig in his heels and say if you can't bring the dog they can't see the baby. That is actually so immature and wrong that I'd have a very hard time with it.

Anonymous wrote:Don't buy into MIL's argument. She doesn't want a second dog at her house, period (along with human guests). But she needs to be honest about the reason rather than pegging it to a safety concern which she thought she could use to shut you down (sort of a shaming technique). Don't take your dog to her house. She does not want it there. But DH needs to make her admit her reasoning because what she's now done is make you guys feel like your somehow bad parents and that's not fair.

I guess this is what it is, but I'm so confused as to why now? We've had our dog for 7 years and always bring her to their house every time we visit. Our dog and their dog have been together for the past 5 years and she's never said anything to us about not bringing our dog.

It really upsets me that she really is shaming us and our parenting skills. I usually have a fantastic relationship with her and my FIL. I wish I knew what the rationale was behind all this. . .

Does your dh have a difficult relationship with his mother in general? Was this fight over text? How far out is the trip? Might he calm down in a few days?

you need to leave this to your husband, do NOT get involved and certainly do not go without him.

Don't buy into MIL's argument. She doesn't want a second dog at her house, period (along with human guests). But she needs to be honest about the reason rather than pegging it to a safety concern which she thought she could use to shut you down (sort of a shaming technique). Don't take your dog to her house. She does not want it there. But DH needs to make her admit her reasoning because what she's now done is make you guys feel like your somehow bad parents and that's not fair.

Anonymous wrote:So MIL is concerned that your dog, who lives with your son, is going to attack your son, which he has presumably not done before?

My guess is that she thinks that our dog and her dog are going to attack each other and our son (who is newly crawling) is going to get in the middle of it. It's completely irrational because (1) my dog is completely sweet to our son, (2) our dog and their dog have growled at each other but have never attacked one another, (3) in the 5 years our dogs have been together at their house we have always been aware that the dogs aren't bffs and make sure we pay attention to what they're doing at all times, (4) we have brought our son and our dog to their house 3 times already and she never mentioned that she didn't want our dog there.

No matter what the reason, my feeling is that family is more important than the dogs (although our dog is like a child to us!) and why are we cancelling this trip over the dogs?!? Clearly this fight is more than just about the dogs.

Anonymous wrote:So MIL is concerned that your dog, who lives with your son, is going to attack your son, which he has presumably not done before?

It sounds like she's scared that, once the two dogs are together, they'll suffer some sort of pack mentality and attack him together.

She does not want your dog in her house. Leave the dog at home and go.

So MIL is concerned that your dog, who lives with your son, is going to attack your son, which he has presumably not done before?

Sounds to me that MIL doesn't want a second dog at her house and was trying to use the "safety concern" tactic as a way to get what she wants. She didn't think it would turn into this. She is welcome to request that you not bring your dog to her home, but she needs to own the reason. Support your husband and let him work this out.

Anonymous wrote:Board the dog and all 3 of you go.

OP here. That's what I want to do but DH is being too stubborn and now doesn't want to go at all.

Board the dog and all 3 of you go.

Don't you dare go without your husband.

My DH, 8 month old son, and I had plans to visit my DH's hometown this weekend to see the grandparents, great grandparents and aunts. These plans had been in place for about 2 months.

Yesterday, DH gets a text from MIL (his mom) that she doesn't think we should bring the dog. She thinks our dog and their dog are going to attack our son. This is totally irrational; we have had our son around our dog and their dog at least 3 other times with no issues. DS and our dog get along great. MIL's dog is a little wild, but we aren't concerned that she will hurt DS. Even if that were a concern of ours, it seemingly isn't a concern of MIL's, who is more worried about our dog. Anyway, this all blew up between DH and MIL yesterday and DH was so pissed that she would ask us not to bring the dog, that now he doesn't want to go at all. I was not involved in the text conversation so I'm not sure exactly what was said, other than this snippet that DH cut and pasted for me: "You need to grow up, it's not about you anymore, it's about your son." I have not spoken to MIL or FIL about this since it blew up.

Although I wholeheartedly agree with DH that it is ridiculous that we can't bring our dog and MIL handled this so irrationally, on the other hand I think it's ridiculous to not go at all because we can't bring the dog. I want DS to have a relationship with that side of the family and to see his great aunts and great grandparents. DH is being so stubborn, though and now refuses to budge.

What should I do? Take DS and go to the in laws without DH? (it's a 6 hr drive)? Stay home and support DH's fight with MIL? Something else?