Anonymous wrote:Dear Joe, I am so excited to meet Mary and see you, but I'm still grieving the loss of my sister and would be most comfortable if you stayed at a hotel for this visit. My sincere apologies for the inconvience. I am very happy that you found someone who loves you and to spend the rest of your life with, but please understand the loss is still very painful for me.

+1

I had a similar issue with my fil, but no one spoke up. I think there are people who don't get it and need to have this spelled out.

The new wife may find this awkward, too. You could encourage 'Mary' to say something to her husband.

Who extended the original invitation? Did Nancy say to her BIL Joe, please come visit me with your new wife Mary? Or did Joe say to his SIL Nancy, I'd love to visit you sometime (with my new wife Mary)?

If Nancy extended the original invitation, she should have included the hotel info then (perhaps offering to pay or share the cost). If she didn't include it then, it's a bit hard to do so now tactfully.

If Joe extended the original offer to visit, I think it's perfectly fine for Nancy to say, I'd love to see you and Mary, but... (and I think 13:11 had great wording for this).

Anonymous wrote:Your aunt made you privy to this problem because she's hoping YOU'LL help. So do. Get your husband to call his dad and suggest that they stay in a hotel because it might be hard for Auntie to see her BIL with a new sleeping partner. If you guys have money, offer to pick up the hotel bill.

Yep, this.

Unless it's a secret, it shouldnt matter that you found out about the visit from Nancy. You (or your husband) talks to FIL and says they were talking to Nancy, who mentioned the upcoming trip, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Your aunt made you privy to this problem because she's hoping YOU'LL help. So do. Get your husband to call his dad and suggest that they stay in a hotel because it might be hard for Auntie to see her BIL with a new sleeping partner. If you guys have money, offer to pick up the hotel bill.

Yup. Your husband tells his dad to offer stay in a hotel.

Your aunt made you privy to this problem because she's hoping YOU'LL help. So do. Get your husband to call his dad and suggest that they stay in a hotel because it might be hard for Auntie to see her BIL with a new sleeping partner. If you guys have money, offer to pick up the hotel bill.

Dear Joe, I am so excited to meet Mary and see you, but I'm still grieving the loss of my sister and would be most comfortable if you stayed at a hotel for this visit. My sincere apologies for the inconvience. I am very happy that you found someone who loves you and to spend the rest of your life with, but please understand the loss is still very painful for me.

Nancy makes an excuse (painting, dog, etc etc) about why they need to stay in a hotel.

OP here. Sorry about the pronouns. 12:43 got it right:

Nancy is uncomfortable with her sister's widow and his new wife staying in her house.

The issue is, I only know about the visit because "Nancy" told me, not my FIL and his wife. So I can't say anything to my FIL or his wife.

And yes, they will be insulted if she suggests a hotel, which is what I suggested, but again, I'm not sure how to word this.

Any ideas for how else to word it so that they are (hopefully) not insulted?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you suggest a hotel to your dad?

Also confused by pronouns. Op, have your dad suggest to his dad to get a hotel out of consideration to his sis in law.

Husband! Not dad. I give up.

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you suggest a hotel to your dad?

Also confused by pronouns. Op, have your dad suggest to his dad to get a hotel out of consideration to his sis in law.

I agree it's confusing. I think it's:

Joe and Lisa were married. Lisa died.
Nancy is Lisa's sister.
Joe and his new wife Mary are visiting Nancy.

Nancy is uncomfortable with her sister's widow and his new wife staying in her house.

Why don't you suggest a hotel to your dad?

I'm confused by your pronouns.

Dad and wife (Joe and Mary) are visiting Joe's former SIL (Nancy). Nancy is not comfortable with Mary staying at her house because Mary is not Nancy's sister. Is that right?

First, that's odd. Second, she can just say, "We're so excited to see you when you come to town! Unfortunately, we won't be able to host you. X and Y hotels are convenient."

But if Joe and Mary are traveling specifically to see Nancy, they will probably feel offended and annoyed.

My DH's dad and new-ish wife (they're both widows) want to visit my DH's aunt (my deceased MIL's sister) and uncle. She's not comfortable with them staying at her place (it's a plane ride away). Money is not an issue.

How can she delicately word that she's uncomfortable with them staying in her house so that, hopefully, she doesn't hurt their feelings?

She has a great relationship with my FIL (her BIL), and she has no issues with his wife. It's just weird for her to have someone other than her sister staying (with her BIL) at her house.

I'm the queen of blunt so I have no clue what she should say. TIA with any suggestions!