Anonymous wrote:Alright, I'll stay, I loathe conflict and I hate that she gets to me. I never cry and she had me in tears today. She is nice to the kids. They love her and are oblivious. FIL is a lovely man.

The worst part is that I can't tell DH because he will escalate things beyond repair. So, thanks for letting me vent to you guys.

People like MIL are often meaner to the people who try to pacify them than to the people who are direct and won't take their shit. I also think it sounds like a messed up dynamic between you/dh/mil. You should not be in this role of keeping the peace by keeping secrets from your husband. What is your big fear in all of this? So your DH is angry at your MIL, what's the worst that could happen?

I don't understand why people allow themselves to be treated this way. No one has EVER left me in tears over mistreatment and no one ever will. Stand up for yourself, OP. WWIII be damned.

I would leave but that's just me. If she's still being a PIA tomorrow, then go. You teach people how to treat you; if she acts like a toddler you treat her like one by either ignoring her or leaving the room (or vacation.)

If she still acts like a PITA about it, just say, "[Name], I already apologized for what happened yesterday and it clearly was not my intention to offend you, but you don't seem to be able to let it go. If you can let it go and enjoy our visit, great. If not, there doesn't seem much reason to stay and the kids and I will go in the morning."

Alright, I'll stay, I loathe conflict and I hate that she gets to me. I never cry and she had me in tears today. She is nice to the kids. They love her and are oblivious. FIL is a lovely man.

The worst part is that I can't tell DH because he will escalate things beyond repair. So, thanks for letting me vent to you guys.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you just act normal and ignore her snit? Seems like a reasonable compromise between kissing her ass and throwing a tantrum yourself and preventing your kids from hanging out with their cousins.

I failed to mention that cousins are going home in the a.m. DH is traveling for work, but I typically do this trip once a year so the kids get to visit their grandparents. He doesn't have the greatest relationship with his mom. So to use a pp's analogy, I try hard to carry the ball for the kids sake.

No one likes her... Why not just plan visits with sil instead. Leave grandmother out, and let husband deal with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you just act normal and ignore her snit? Seems like a reasonable compromise between kissing her ass and throwing a tantrum yourself and preventing your kids from hanging out with their cousins.

I failed to mention that cousins are going home in the a.m. DH is traveling for work, but I typically do this trip once a year so the kids get to visit their grandparents. He doesn't have the greatest relationship with his mom. So to use a pp's analogy, I try hard to carry the ball for the kids sake.

If you know how she is, and you're the one pushing the trips and dh is not, it makes no sense to leave now. Just stay "stupid and cheerful" and ignore her comments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you just act normal and ignore her snit? Seems like a reasonable compromise between kissing her ass and throwing a tantrum yourself and preventing your kids from hanging out with their cousins.

I failed to mention that cousins are going home in the a.m. DH is traveling for work, but I typically do this trip once a year so the kids get to visit their grandparents. He doesn't have the greatest relationship with his mom. So to use a pp's analogy, I try hard to carry the ball for the kids sake.

Why do you care? If she's terrible and her son doesn't like her- why? Is she super nice to your kids?

Anonymous wrote:Can you just act normal and ignore her snit? Seems like a reasonable compromise between kissing her ass and throwing a tantrum yourself and preventing your kids from hanging out with their cousins.

I failed to mention that cousins are going home in the a.m. DH is traveling for work, but I typically do this trip once a year so the kids get to visit their grandparents. He doesn't have the greatest relationship with his mom. So to use a pp's analogy, I try hard to carry the ball for the kids sake.

I think there's got to be a middle ground between packing up and leaving vs falling all over yourself apologizing.

Do what you're going to do, be polite and courteous. But don't cave into any passive aggressive bullshit. Be cheerful and positive, ignore her snits and focus on the kids and cousins. Let her have a snit. Don't give her a payoff.

It's not fair to the kids if you leave early. Suck it up.

Can you just act normal and ignore her snit? Seems like a reasonable compromise between kissing her ass and throwing a tantrum yourself and preventing your kids from hanging out with their cousins.

Leave! You should have never went without husband. Where is he?

Yes, take your ball and go home. That will show her.

We (kids and I no DH) arrived at IL's yesterday. My SIL and her kids are also here. We spent today at the beach with SIL, BIL an cousins. When we came in to the courtyard/pool area, I asked kids not to go into the main house while I figured out the shower and dinner plan. While I was unpacking the car the kids hopped in the pool with their cousins.

MIL came out and made a snide comment about how it was rude that nobody came in to say hello. I responded by saying "I'm so sorry. I didn't want the kids to get the house sandy and I asked them not to go inside." She replied "Well, I wouldn't have made that choice, but I guess some people thought it was a good idea " She then turned and walked into her bedroom and shut the door. I then showered and when I was finished, I found her and basically fell all over myself apologizing for not greeting her and for offending her. She was again so f#!*=* rude to me and told me not to make excuses and she didn't want to talk about it.

She has a history, of infrequent outbursts of this type. If I tell DH, he will lose his mind and it will start WWIII. I'm the peacekeeper and the one who manages all communications, gifts, vacations etc. I want to pack up my kids and leave tomorrow because I feel like a doormat and also because things are pretty bad wth DH right now and the last thing I need is to take crap from his family. If I pack up and leave it will likely lead to a canceled summer trip with cousins and IL's and no communication for some time.

I want to stand up for myself but I'm not sure I'm prepared for the fallout. WWYD?