Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people don't need to be defended and protected from their parents. Why do you ask this question, op?

One of my siblings did something bad. I told my mom and my mom called and yelled at her and now that sibling isn't speaking to me because I didn't "cover for her."

How old are you guys? Why did you tell your mom? Did you think your mom should do something about the situation?

I'm 27 and she is 24.

We are foreign and on F-1 visa. I am in graduate school and she is finishing up her college studies Our parents kept us here together so we can keep an eye on each other. This past year she has changed a lot and started partying, drinking, throwing up in her friends cars and lying to me about it. Her friends and her keep everything from me and she gets mad when I send her a text asking her where she is at 1 am. It all got worse when she got herself a boyfriend and now she is always at his apartment and is now becoming friendly with his family and sister. All the while, my parents have NO IDEA that she is seriously dating someone. She hasn't even told me and I have discovered it only because her friend accidentally babbled.

Now my sister has blocked me from on all social media and she ignores my calls and she even ignores my parents international calls when she is out with this boy. My mom called me worried this weekend after my sister did not take her calls for 2 days. I then told her I suspect it is because she is with a boy and my mom flipped out and apparently yelled at her over the phone.

Now my sister is mad at me and hates me and says I'm a bad sister.

My parents are from Kuwait and are Muslim and this would break their heart. I never told them about her partying and drinking but her starting to make a new family without their knowledge is too much to me.

Oh, I remember you. You were both supposed to come here and get degrees and help the family "back home". But your sister's met a wealthy boyfriend who treats her well and now she doesn't want to follow the Family Sister Plan. So you told on her. You, a grownup, TOLD on another grownup. That is not the American way. Maybe it's the way in your culture, but in America, adults don't tell on other adults. You won't get us to agree you were right to tell your parents what your sister is doing.

My brother and I used say "The eagle has landed" when we were kids, warning the other her car had pulled up in the driveway. Then we knew to put away the ice cream and turn off the cartoons.

Then we became adults.

FYI know everyone will hate me here just like my sisters friends who all hate me and call me crazy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people don't need to be defended and protected from their parents. Why do you ask this question, op?

One of my siblings did something bad. I told my mom and my mom called and yelled at her and now that sibling isn't speaking to me because I didn't "cover for her."

How old are you guys? Why did you tell your mom? Did you think your mom should do something about the situation?

I'm 27 and she is 24.

We are foreign and on F-1 visa. I am in graduate school and she is finishing up her college studies Our parents kept us here together so we can keep an eye on each other. This past year she has changed a lot and started partying, drinking, throwing up in her friends cars and lying to me about it. Her friends and her keep everything from me and she gets mad when I send her a text asking her where she is at 1 am. It all got worse when she got herself a boyfriend and now she is always at his apartment and is now becoming friendly with his family and sister. All the while, my parents have NO IDEA that she is seriously dating someone. She hasn't even told me and I have discovered it only because her friend accidentally babbled.

Now my sister has blocked me from on all social media and she ignores my calls and she even ignores my parents international calls when she is out with this boy. My mom called me worried this weekend after my sister did not take her calls for 2 days. I then told her I suspect it is because she is with a boy and my mom flipped out and apparently yelled at her over the phone.

Now my sister is mad at me and hates me and says I'm a bad sister.

My parents are from Kuwait and are Muslim and this would break their heart. I never told them about her partying and drinking but her starting to make a new family without their knowledge is too much to me.

My relationship with my brother was awful when our mother was alive. Now, it's mutually-supportive and respectful.

But, with my own children, I've tried to effect a strong bond between them. I will give them hell when they try to subvert the bedtime schedule EXCEPT in cases where one of them pops into bed with the other. That is adorable. They work together in their mischief, too. I love it!

I'm a boho weirdo, so I looked up their horoscopes before DC2 was born and was warned that they would likely collude. So, I've been preparing them for the eventual sneaking out of the house and car theft of their teens by encouraging them to cover for one another. They are early elementary age, so it's only been things like bedtime or television antics. Maybe a fruit snack incident or two! My elder did share with me that he once threw up after eating too much popcorn at the movies and cleaned the whole thing up to avoid telling me. The younger put the towel in the wash. My response? I talked about not eating so much you get sick, but also congratulated them on working together when dealing with it. I just asked to be involved when there's trouble in the future.

There are times when I let them know that an activity is allowed only if they BOTH manage it well. Maybe that's part of the code? The elder will help the younger stay on track. The younger is more vigilant because of the consequences. Nobody gets to blame anyone else for things going wrong. Someone at work mentioned being resentful because they'd been punished as a kid for something their older brother did (like wake the parent up or what not) when they were kids. So, I'm mindful of that.

Still, I'm an older mom and the children don't have any extended family. They are all they're each going to have at some point, outside of friends and partners. So, a sibling code is something I guess I think about when making decisions.

Why do you ask, OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people don't need to be defended and protected from their parents. Why do you ask this question, op?

One of my siblings did something bad. I told my mom and my mom called and yelled at her and now that sibling isn't speaking to me because I didn't "cover for her."

How old are you guys? Why did you tell your mom? Did you think your mom should do something about the situation?

Anonymous wrote:Depends on what it is. When my brother threw a party in my parents house at 16, I didn't tell them. When he called me from jail on drug charges at 27, I felt like I had no choice.

Interesting. I think you got it backwards about when to tell, if at all.

No, my siblings and I don't have a sibling code. I have two sisters, and I had a very competitive relationship with one of them growing up (and still do). She regularly set me up to get in trouble with my parents. I decided at a very young age that she was not to be trusted and to never tell her anything that I didn't want my parents to know. We are close but I still don't share anything private with her, and probably never will.

Depends on what it is. When my brother threw a party in my parents house at 16, I didn't tell them. When he called me from jail on drug charges at 27, I felt like I had no choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people don't need to be defended and protected from their parents. Why do you ask this question, op?

One of my siblings did something bad. I told my mom and my mom called and yelled at her and now that sibling isn't speaking to me because I didn't "cover for her."

l
Are you 11? Unless your sibling murdered someone, abused someone, or did something grossly illegal, why is it your mom's business?

It depends. My sister used to use me for cover (as in, lie to my parents who were watching her toddler for her) and NOT TELL ME. So then when my parents would call me (bc sis wasn't answering her phone) to find out where WE were, I'd be stumped. I covered for her a few times, and would call her and tell her to call mom and dad. But then I stopped because it was BS. She was annoyed, but it's not my fault she can't even clear it with me first.

But I also know some pretty big things about her that I know my parents don't know and I'd never break her confidence on those things.

Depends on what is done. And I'm assuming you are talking about young people. Like teens and early 20s? How bad is it? If it's hurting someone else or hurting the sibling, I will tell. Drug use, inappropriate sexual relationship (13 year old with 18 year old for example), breaking the law, etc.

People's safety will have to come before loyalty. The unibomber's brother is the one who turned him in, for example.

Anonymous wrote:Most people don't need to be defended and protected from their parents. Why do you ask this question, op?

One of my siblings did something bad. I told my mom and my mom called and yelled at her and now that sibling isn't speaking to me because I didn't "cover for her."

Most people don't need to be defended and protected from their parents. Why do you ask this question, op?

Do you have a sibling code and protect and defend each other from your parents? Do you keep your siblings secrets from your parents? Why or why not?