I think your feelings are justified. I would distance myself.
You can't force her to 'see the light' and you can easily make yourself frustrated in trying. If you are having any communication with her I would try and remain calm without getting completely worked up, reiterate the same phrases "Mom, I love you but as long as you are in this relationship we cannot do/have X" etc.

OP- your mum is free to have any relationship she wants- but so are you. if i were you i would set some VERY clear boundaries. i would be letting her know that you and your family want absolutely nothing to do with him, including holidays, or even bringing him up in conversation. no gifts given with his name attached and absolutely no unsupervised time with your children- this includes her- she obviously lacks good judgement, and cant be trusted to do whats in your childrens best interests.

Thanks everyone. I will admit, I freaked out and did a lot of damage to our relationship (I can be very mean when I want to be) so I'm sure that further isolated her. I guess I was hoping someone would know what to say to her to make her "see the light."

The guy is a skeeze ball, and since I teach kids I was extra angry. I'm not too happy she is in this situation. UGH!

Anonymous wrote:Nature of offense was soliciting a minor online. It was a sting operation. Cop posed as 14 year old girl. Guy was in his 40s (hes 54 now). Happened in 2006, convicted and pled guilty in 2008. Says cop set him up. I don't believe him.

She does have a support system, but they have all contacted me saying the same thing: dude is sleezy and not to be trusted. My grandmother called me in tears.

He blames everyone but himself on his actions. Doesn't even seem apologetic.

She desperately needs therapy, but won't go. Not sure what to do.

You just put up strong boundaries and don't engage with this guy. If you can, stay in contact with your mom, and tell her you care about her. But that you don't support this relationship with this guy. It "could" be different if he took full responsibility for what he did and did something to try to fix the problem (therapy, meds, whatever). But "anyone" who always blames others is bad news, and coupled with a child sex offense, it's a disaster.

I'm really sorry. My brother is involved with a similarly messed up woman, and the dysfunction touches everyone. It's going to be a rough road. Keep kids in your life safe.

Of course this guy claims he was set up and the world was out to get him. I would assume the truth is much much worse than what he describes - because when you take a plea deal, you're pleaing to less than what you actually did. The fact that he admits to soliciting a 14 yo (or so he thought) while he was in his 40s is bad enough - he probably did much worse.

That said, I wouldn't completely cut off your mother. I'd say the door is open to see her one-on-one, but I would not agree to see this guy or let him anywhere near my family.

Oh hell no! I would be distancing myself.

Nature of offense was soliciting a minor online. It was a sting operation. Cop posed as 14 year old girl. Guy was in his 40s (hes 54 now). Happened in 2006, convicted and pled guilty in 2008. Says cop set him up. I don't believe him.

She does have a support system, but they have all contacted me saying the same thing: dude is sleezy and not to be trusted. My grandmother called me in tears.

He blames everyone but himself on his actions. Doesn't even seem apologetic.

She desperately needs therapy, but won't go. Not sure what to do.

Yeah, what is the nature of the offense? A huge range of behaviors can get you put on the sex offender registry. I have a friend who is on the sex offender registry. Life can be complicated. Do you know the exact nature of the offense?

Why have you cut off all contact with her? That seems unwise. If you are worried she is involved with someone dangerous, you want her to have lines of support, not be isolated with him.

If he was convicted of an offense against children, I could understand keeping your kids far from him. And if he was convicted of a really violent offense (for example, rape) I could understand not personally wanting to be around him and telling her you are very worried. But otherwise she is an adult and entitled to date who she wants and I can't understand cutting off contact with her.

he could have done something with animals too

Anonymous wrote:A sex offender could be someone who was a 18 year old senior who slept with his 15/16 year old sophomore girlfriend. It could be someone who kidnapped and raped someone. What did he do?

This. The sex offender registry is not well implemented. I understand the desire to identify people who could be a risk to you and your family but the registry lumps in people who are serial rapists with people who at 18 had sex with a 16 year old. Just being on the registry is not necessarily a reason to condemn a person.

I agree that it depends what he did.
Either he or your mother may not tell you the true story, so better stay vigilant.

A sex offender could be someone who was a 18 year old senior who slept with his 15/16 year old sophomore girlfriend. It could be someone who kidnapped and raped someone. What did he do?

Do you know the nature of the offense?

You could right the same post of a neighbor down the block.

What does your mother do outside of the house? Does she have a strong support network / social network? Sense of self?

No clue if this is the right forum, but here goes:

Long story short, my mother is dating a sex offender. I have tried every which way to tell her that she is being dumb and endangering us all, but she isn't listening. Says she is in love after 2 months of knowing him. She didn't even tell me the true story of his past until a week ago. I've cut off all contact with her (I'm older and live with my significant other, so it's just her now at my childhood home.) She's been divorced since 2009. I'm convinced she is just delusional, but need to know what other people think about it.

Thanks.