I have two grown sons. Mid 20s. Both are in serious relationships.

I hear from both daily, or close to it. We have a sort of non-stop text conversation going. One of them texts jokes, memes, strange headlines. The other texts links about news and politics. We speak on the phone regularly and I see them very often.

We have had our ups and downs over the years, but we've always been close and I don't see that changing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It all depends on the DIL.

+1. My MIL has two sons. I really like my MIL. The other DIL does not. What that means is that she gets to talk to my DH a lot (because I encourage him to call her) and see him fairly often (because I arrange visits) and she doesn't get to talk to my BIL much and sees him rarely because his wife has no interest in that sort of thing. In my experience, men, even men who love and/or like their parents, are not particularly good about keeping in touch once they leave the house. So unless you have a rare son who's good at that, or get a DIL who's into it, prepare for pretty infrequent contact.

+3. Dh is 1 of 3 boys who are 37 to 42 years old. Only the unmarried one seems to make any effort. I absolutely can't stand my mil. She's very cold and I am done making any effort.

This is ridiculous. My husband talks to his mom at least every other day, and I definitely am not involved in that. His brother also talks to her a ton, probably daily. Also, if you can afford it, invite them (and future girlfriends/boyfriends) to nice vacations (rent a place and have them pay for airfare, etc.). Then everyone will want to come!

Op here - I guess I'll hope that at least 1 out of 3 of my DIL's likes me. I get along with almost everyone (the one exception is my own MIL) so here's hoping!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It all depends on the DIL.

+1. My MIL has two sons. I really like my MIL. The other DIL does not. What that means is that she gets to talk to my DH a lot (because I encourage him to call her) and see him fairly often (because I arrange visits) and she doesn't get to talk to my BIL much and sees him rarely because his wife has no interest in that sort of thing. In my experience, men, even men who love and/or like their parents, are not particularly good about keeping in touch once they leave the house. So unless you have a rare son who's good at that, or get a DIL who's into it, prepare for pretty infrequent contact.

+2. DH loves his parents, but I'm the reason he calls them, sees them and they get presents/cards on their birthdays. He's close to his parents and they have a loving relationship, but it's nothing like the bond his sisters have with their mother. We see them about ever 6-8 weeks as they live a few hours away.

Anonymous wrote:It all depends on the DIL.

+1. My MIL has two sons. I really like my MIL. The other DIL does not. What that means is that she gets to talk to my DH a lot (because I encourage him to call her) and see him fairly often (because I arrange visits) and she doesn't get to talk to my BIL much and sees him rarely because his wife has no interest in that sort of thing. In my experience, men, even men who love and/or like their parents, are not particularly good about keeping in touch once they leave the house. So unless you have a rare son who's good at that, or get a DIL who's into it, prepare for pretty infrequent contact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's 24 and in med school. He was a shy, tentative quiet kid who blossomed when he became friends with neighbor triplet boys, around sixth grade.

He got really into the idea of becoming a doctor when he watched me give birth but I don't think he wants to become an OB now that shit's getting real, you know?

He's on the other side of the country. Either we go to him or he comes to us once a month. We text or Facetime almost daily. My guess is he texts with at least two people in the family (he has three sisters) each day. We pass recipes back and forth.

Honestly, I want to sit him in my lap and hug him and play with his hair all day every day. But I resist the urge to be helipcoptery. While I did look up his former girlfriend on FB and poke around all her pictures, I did not friend or message her.

I think the ways I spent time with him were by playing ball with him a lot and hanging out in the kitchen with him a lot.

Oh jeez. Maybe we know why he moved across the country!

Lol, nah. I said I want to do that, not that I've done it. Well, not since he was about four or so. I was telling a friend I wanted to do that with my 12 yr old while she was over and without missing a beat my tween asked "Could I be on my phone while you do that?"

Hahaha! That's how I feel about my 10 yo ds and the first thing I thought when I read this was, hey, maybe I can strike some ipad deal with him!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's 24 and in med school. He was a shy, tentative quiet kid who blossomed when he became friends with neighbor triplet boys, around sixth grade.

He got really into the idea of becoming a doctor when he watched me give birth but I don't think he wants to become an OB now that shit's getting real, you know?

He's on the other side of the country. Either we go to him or he comes to us once a month. We text or Facetime almost daily. My guess is he texts with at least two people in the family (he has three sisters) each day. We pass recipes back and forth.

Honestly, I want to sit him in my lap and hug him and play with his hair all day every day. But I resist the urge to be helipcoptery. While I did look up his former girlfriend on FB and poke around all her pictures, I did not friend or message her.

I think the ways I spent time with him were by playing ball with him a lot and hanging out in the kitchen with him a lot.

Oh jeez. Maybe we know why he moved across the country!

Lol, nah. I said I want to do that, not that I've done it. Well, not since he was about four or so. I was telling a friend I wanted to do that with my 12 yr old while she was over and without missing a beat my tween asked "Could I be on my phone while you do that?"

I have a 24 yr old son. We text/talk about once a week. Everyday? He is 24 for heaven's sake-- he should not need to talk to his mama everyday!

It all depends on the DIL.

Anonymous wrote:He's 24 and in med school. He was a shy, tentative quiet kid who blossomed when he became friends with neighbor triplet boys, around sixth grade.

He got really into the idea of becoming a doctor when he watched me give birth but I don't think he wants to become an OB now that shit's getting real, you know?

He's on the other side of the country. Either we go to him or he comes to us once a month. We text or Facetime almost daily. My guess is he texts with at least two people in the family (he has three sisters) each day. We pass recipes back and forth.

Honestly, I want to sit him in my lap and hug him and play with his hair all day every day. But I resist the urge to be helipcoptery. While I did look up his former girlfriend on FB and poke around all her pictures, I did not friend or message her.

I think the ways I spent time with him were by playing ball with him a lot and hanging out in the kitchen with him a lot.

Oh jeez. Maybe we know why he moved across the country!

I have a grown son and we have a great relationship. It wasn’t always that way as he was growing up, but now at age 30, we are very close.

My best advice is to let your boys make mistakes. You can’t and shouldn’t protect them from everything. Pick your battles. There will be times when you absolutely should intervene and be the “bad guy” but other times, let them make their own mistakes. As they get older, these decision to intervene will become more clear. Our best learning experiences in life occur from the mistakes we make.

The other thing I would tell you. Generally, boys don’t like to sit down and have face-to-face talks with their parents. In fact, they generally don’t prefer looking at you when having a talk. So, when you want to have a discussion with your son, go for a drive. That way, your eyes are on the road. Or, play a game of cards or something..... this is how I would get my son to talk about what was going on in his life.

He's 24 and in med school. He was a shy, tentative quiet kid who blossomed when he became friends with neighbor triplet boys, around sixth grade.

He got really into the idea of becoming a doctor when he watched me give birth but I don't think he wants to become an OB now that shit's getting real, you know?

He's on the other side of the country. Either we go to him or he comes to us once a month. We text or Facetime almost daily. My guess is he texts with at least two people in the family (he has three sisters) each day. We pass recipes back and forth.

Honestly, I want to sit him in my lap and hug him and play with his hair all day every day. But I resist the urge to be helipcoptery. While I did look up his former girlfriend on FB and poke around all her pictures, I did not friend or message her.

I think the ways I spent time with him were by playing ball with him a lot and hanging out in the kitchen with him a lot.

I don't have grown sons, but I do have a 15 year old son (and 13 year old daughter). I'm close with both kids, and I expect that will continue. What I will say about my son is that temperamentally we are very similar. We like a lot of the same things, we are on the same wavelength, our brains work the same way. I think those things can matter more than gender in terms of predicting the depth of a lifelong relationship. Meanwhile, I am trying hard to raise him to love and respect the women in his life.

Pregnant with my third (and last) kid and just found out he will be my third boy. I'm very close to my mom and hisband had a odd relationship with his mom (she's sort of a mess and he is more of a parent to her than the other way around). I'd love to hear encouraging stories about your relationships with your grown sons - and any advice on how to foster a nice relationship with them.