I don't like my husband's family, but we can be very honest with each other about it. He knows they are dysfunctional and that my complaints are grounded in fact. I know that they are still his family and we need to maintain a minimum of contact. We go visit every few years and fortunately only his parents ever come to visit us (and rarely). We keep a distance but we're on the same page. You have to be, and if you're not, you have to open up and try to get there.

No. respect the space and the spouse, but don't restrict your relationships.

Anonymous wrote:My wife can't stand my family. Yes, it has impacted my relationship with them and my wife, frankly. No, they don't visit often. It's not ideal. But that's where we are. Her family is fine, but I can only take them in doses.

Does she have reason to hate your family?

I hate my BIL. I only have to see him when we visit his parents' house, though, which requires a 4 hour plane ride. Sadly, that has been a lot this year since my FIL is dying from cancer and we're spending all my husband's leave time there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dislike my in laws (well my wife's brothers and their wives mainly).

I liked everyone fine and well when we were dating and pre-kids, but I sort of realized when my wife had a health crisis and they were MIA. I thought I was crazy that I even wrote a DCUM post, which confirmed that my in laws are horrible in that superficially nice, but completely distant way.

(http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/519799.page)

For anyone interested in an update, things are much, much better now with my wife and she's expected to return to teaching in the fall!

I remember that post and am so glad to hear how well she is doing!!

+1

Anonymous wrote:I dislike my in laws (well my wife's brothers and their wives mainly).

I liked everyone fine and well when we were dating and pre-kids, but I sort of realized when my wife had a health crisis and they were MIA. I thought I was crazy that I even wrote a DCUM post, which confirmed that my in laws are horrible in that superficially nice, but completely distant way.

(http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/519799.page)

For anyone interested in an update, things are much, much better now with my wife and she's expected to return to teaching in the fall!

I remember that post and am so glad to hear how well she is doing!!

Anonymous wrote:DH's family has a lot of drama and there is a lot if toxic stuff that we don't want our kids subjected to. They think we don't see them as a family because of me, but he wants to keep the kids away from them too. He still sees them on his own, but he has stopped giving them handouts and as soon as they get nasty he leaves. I'm not thrilled that I have to be the bad guy, but if they knew the truth they'd be livid with him and he would have no relationship with them and he does still want to see them so he makes it about me. It works. I have a great husband otherwise and we all have our quirks and faults.

+1

This is us, too. DH takes his family in limited doses. The IL's dynamic is unhealthy, and DH knows it. My extended family is very warm, welcoming and inclusive to DH, so he is grateful (I am too!).

DH's family has a lot of drama and there is a lot if toxic stuff that we don't want our kids subjected to. They think we don't see them as a family because of me, but he wants to keep the kids away from them too. He still sees them on his own, but he has stopped giving them handouts and as soon as they get nasty he leaves. I'm not thrilled that I have to be the bad guy, but if they knew the truth they'd be livid with him and he would have no relationship with them and he does still want to see them so he makes it about me. It works. I have a great husband otherwise and we all have our quirks and faults.

I dislike my in laws (well my wife's brothers and their wives mainly).

I liked everyone fine and well when we were dating and pre-kids, but I sort of realized when my wife had a health crisis and they were MIA. I thought I was crazy that I even wrote a DCUM post, which confirmed that my in laws are horrible in that superficially nice, but completely distant way.

(http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/519799.page)

For anyone interested in an update, things are much, much better now with my wife and she's expected to return to teaching in the fall!

My husband strongly dislikes my both my father and step-father. He is at the point where he no longer wants to see my stepfather (i'm ok with it, though it will disrupt family relationships).

DH isn't crazy about my parents but he's an easy going guy. He knows they are important to me and doesn't interfere with my relationship with them at all. I know that they have their faults and DH's problems with them are valid so I see them without DH most of the time.

I/we make sure my parents don't have any idea that DH has a problem with them (since the issues are personality traits, not anything they could really fix/address). They adore DH and think he adores them right back which works well for everyone involved.

My wife can't stand my family. Yes, it has impacted my relationship with them and my wife, frankly. No, they don't visit often. It's not ideal. But that's where we are. Her family is fine, but I can only take them in doses.

My parents have never liked DH, but differ in their attitude about it, which in turn influences the way DH interacts with them: DH respects my father and gets along with him fine, even though he knows they don't see eye to eye on many things. DH can't stand my mother, who has abused him many times to his face and to others. He interacts with her as little as common politeness allows.

We limit visits and plan carefully. We have found that visiting them brings out the worst in my mother, who like PP's is highly anxious and blames everybody around her. Visiting neutral locations is the best solution, and we definitely never share sleeping quarters - separate hotel rooms, separate rentals, separate everything.

I don't think my DH is thrilled with my parents and most of the time, I can't blame him. My mother is very anxious and needy with a very limited sense of humor and my father doesn't know what else to talk about if he can't talk politics with someone. He says a lot of stuff that's off the wall and after several years of this, my husband pretty much doesn't enjoy having them around, and at times, neither do I. We let them watch the grandchildren because at this point, that's all they really visit for and we try to make the best of it by going to dinner or getting chores done.

If your spouse doesn't like your parents or siblings do you refrain from having them over or visiting with them to keep the peace? Has it affected your relationships with them?