Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 13:48     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
Anonymous wrote:It's weird. But they aren't required to bring a gift, so try not to think of it as rude. They may get around to it later. Or they may not. I agree it's a little puzzling.

However, I had one aunt growing up who sometimes gave me stuff, but mostly forgot. And sometimes went overboard. She's pretty ditzy, but honestly I never took it personally. That's just how she was, and I liked it when we got to visit anyway.



I hope this is how my son will see it when he gets older. I don't want him to ever feel hurt by it, and I think that's also part of my concern. He's too young to notice or care now, but I hope when he's older he'll just blow it off like "huh, they're a little different" and nothing more.

If I am honest with myself about it, my family, in general, is probably not always the most considerate - I guess our parents didn't raise us with the best habits, and our parents don't really have the best, most consistent habits either. Maybe this is part of it. It's just hard as an adult to realize and feel like (not just about this instance) "maybe we just aren't the nicest group of people." My parents are sometimes very generous with gifts, other times give nothing. When my child was born, not one gift from the parents or siblings either, come to think of it. I guess I should be used to this by now. Not sure why I continue to find it hurtful.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 13:47     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
Did you always give gifts to their kids before you had kids?
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 13:44     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So I'm ashamed I even noticed or cared, but I have a preschool aged child who had a birthday yesterday, and we invited mostly just family from both sides to his party. On my side, I have three adult siblings who came with their spouses and kids, and not one of them brought him a gift. (One did bring a card that her little girl had made, which was sweet at least.) I just thought this was really bizarre, and am embarrassed to admit that I felt a little hurt by it. I don't know why I care, because he certainly doesn't need more "stuff" and he didn't even notice - it just felt like it was sending a really weird message, like "meh, we don't really care about you that much, kiddo". Also, just from an etiquette perspective, I can't imagine being invited to any kid's party and attending without bringing at least a small gift. It just seems a little rude? I mean at that age, you could give a $2 bottle of bubbles and they'd be excited. I just don't get it ... and would love for someone to say "oh yeah, this is normal in my family, we all love each other but don't give the kids gifts."



PP again has something recently happened between you and your siblings?

Did you send out a wishlist for DC at Christmas or complain about certain types of toys or gifts?


Did you forget to give your nieces or nephews a gift?



No, nothing recently with the siblings. With one of them, our relationship has not been nearly as close the last few years as it used to be, but no conflict and everything is fine.

We've never been the "wishlist" type. Nobody has ever asked for gift ideas, and I haven't given any. Have never been anything other than grateful for gifts received.

No, we always give gifts. I guess that's what makes it hard for me to "get", I really love giving my nieces and nephews gifts and celebrating their special occasions with them. For me it's a way to show them I love them, for them to feel special (even though I know it's just stuff, and of course we show it other ways as well) but I would feel so bad if I didn't give them a gift on their birthday or Christmas. I will say I noticed at a recent party of one of my nephews, two of the siblings didn't give him a gift either, and I thought it was odd and assumed they must have already done it (his birthday was several days before his party). Maybe they've just decided it's just not something they do anymore.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 13:36     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
Anonymous wrote:
Was yesterday the actual birthday or just the party? Was actual birthday ...

I have in the past waited until the actually birthday to bring over a present.


If they are normally good aunts and uncles I would let it go. You never know what's happening in their lives, even siblings. They showed up and your kid was happy to see them. Let that be enough.
I agree with this, it's definitely how I want to feel about it. They were here and celebrated with him, which was lovely.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 13:31     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
It's weird. But they aren't required to bring a gift, so try not to think of it as rude. They may get around to it later. Or they may not. I agree it's a little puzzling.

However, I had one aunt growing up who sometimes gave me stuff, but mostly forgot. And sometimes went overboard. She's pretty ditzy, but honestly I never took it personally. That's just how she was, and I liked it when we got to visit anyway.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 13:28     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
Anonymous wrote:So I'm ashamed I even noticed or cared, but I have a preschool aged child who had a birthday yesterday, and we invited mostly just family from both sides to his party. On my side, I have three adult siblings who came with their spouses and kids, and not one of them brought him a gift. (One did bring a card that her little girl had made, which was sweet at least.) I just thought this was really bizarre, and am embarrassed to admit that I felt a little hurt by it. I don't know why I care, because he certainly doesn't need more "stuff" and he didn't even notice - it just felt like it was sending a really weird message, like "meh, we don't really care about you that much, kiddo". Also, just from an etiquette perspective, I can't imagine being invited to any kid's party and attending without bringing at least a small gift. It just seems a little rude? I mean at that age, you could give a $2 bottle of bubbles and they'd be excited. I just don't get it ... and would love for someone to say "oh yeah, this is normal in my family, we all love each other but don't give the kids gifts."



PP again has something recently happened between you and your siblings?

Did you send out a wishlist for DC at Christmas or complain about certain types of toys or gifts?


Did you forget to give your nieces or nephews a gift?
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 13:26     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...

Was yesterday the actual birthday or just the party?

I have in the past waited until the actually birthday to bring over a present.


If they are normally good aunts and uncles I would let it go. You never know what's happening in their lives, even siblings. They showed up and your kid was happy to see them. Let that be enough.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 13:15     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
Would be weird in my family. We give gifts to nieces and nephews, even if there's no party.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 13:13     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
Anonymous wrote:Is it possible you've said in their presence that he has so much or they've seen how much he has and it's looked overwhelming so they thought he didn't need anything? Or that they talked to your husband who said "Just bring yourselves!"



No. Husband thought it was really weird too, so I know he didn't say anything like that. We're not the type to care about "stuff" so maybe they assumed we wouldn't care about this ... again, it's the sentiment of it that hurt my feelings, not that the child actually needs more gifts. I think I'd feel a lot better if I understood the reasoning behind it, wish it were something like this.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 13:12     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
Anonymous wrote:I don't take gifts to children who haven't sent thank-you cards (or said thank you in person) for previous gifts. Maybe it's something like that?


Nobody in my immediate family has ever sent a thank you card to anyone else in my immediate family - they would think it's weird and distant (like "uh, you're my sister and already said thanks three times in person, why did you send this?") - so I don't think it could be anything along those lines.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 13:10     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
Anonymous wrote:
Were they parents themselves? If so, they should know that one brings a gift, however small. If they are childless, perhaps they didn't realize this.




Two of them have multiple kids. One has none yet but has spent a lot of time around the rest of us as parents.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 13:02     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
I don't take gifts to children who haven't sent thank-you cards (or said thank you in person) for previous gifts. Maybe it's something like that?
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 12:59     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
Is it possible you've said in their presence that he has so much or they've seen how much he has and it's looked overwhelming so they thought he didn't need anything? Or that they talked to your husband who said "Just bring yourselves!"

Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 12:58     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...

Were they parents themselves? If so, they should know that one brings a gift, however small. If they are childless, perhaps they didn't realize this.

Anonymous
Post 03/20/2016 12:56     Subject: Weird or normal? Young child's aunts and uncles come to birthday, but don't give a gift...
So I'm ashamed I even noticed or cared, but I have a preschool aged child who had a birthday yesterday, and we invited mostly just family from both sides to his party. On my side, I have three adult siblings who came with their spouses and kids, and not one of them brought him a gift. (One did bring a card that her little girl had made, which was sweet at least.) I just thought this was really bizarre, and am embarrassed to admit that I felt a little hurt by it. I don't know why I care, because he certainly doesn't need more "stuff" and he didn't even notice - it just felt like it was sending a really weird message, like "meh, we don't really care about you that much, kiddo". Also, just from an etiquette perspective, I can't imagine being invited to any kid's party and attending without bringing at least a small gift. It just seems a little rude? I mean at that age, you could give a $2 bottle of bubbles and they'd be excited. I just don't get it ... and would love for someone to say "oh yeah, this is normal in my family, we all love each other but don't give the kids gifts."