My MIL also thinks I keep a poor house. I am a SAHM and clean/tidy daily although not as vigorously as she did when she was aSAHM. She cleans our home when she comes. This used to bug me sooooo much but now I let her. I don't care.

OP I think you handled it the right way. But it would irritate me for her to assume your husband is the bread winner when you are busting your butt!

Tell DH: I'll give you one more chance to be my defender and protector. After that, I'm going to tell her directly to knock it off.

"MIL, in case you hadn't noticed, I earn just as much as DH, and have more work than he does. Why should I do more housework and childcare on top of it?"

Look at her straight in the eye and speak in a clear, pointed, tone.

Excuse me, but you need to speak up for yourself here. Nobody else will do it for you, as well as you could do it!

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here is wonderful. Thank you for letting me get this out and the helpful (and funny) feedback.

She is now sweeping my floors because she overhead me asking DH to do it...I took a deep breath and, instead of being outraged, I showed her where I keep the dust pan.

DH, btw, is a good guy...tries to set her straight, etc, but is, well, just a little too soft when it comes to drawing boundaries.

If she wants to punish herself/be a martyr just for the sake of making a sexist point, let the old bag sweep. Next time she opens her yap, tell her to clean your gutters. You go have a nice cup of tea and surf DCUM.

Jealous MIL!

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here is wonderful. Thank you for letting me get this out and the helpful (and funny) feedback.

She is now sweeping my floors because she overhead me asking DH to do it...I took a deep breath and, instead of being outraged, I showed her where I keep the dust pan.

DH, btw, is a good guy...tries to set her straight, etc, but is, well, just a little too soft when it comes to drawing boundaries.

I would not allow this kind of disrespect and interference in my home.

Everyone here is wonderful. Thank you for letting me get this out and the helpful (and funny) feedback.

She is now sweeping my floors because she overhead me asking DH to do it...I took a deep breath and, instead of being outraged, I showed her where I keep the dust pan.

DH, btw, is a good guy...tries to set her straight, etc, but is, well, just a little too soft when it comes to drawing boundaries.

I'll say it for you: What a cow!

We both provide for our family, inside and outside the home. We're a good team.

Repeat, verbatim in a flat voice with a laser stare, every time.

I might say- actually DH is not the breadwinner. You may not know but my consulting business brings in 50% of our HHI.

Anonymous wrote:If I have to hear another "gentle" joke about my expectations that my husband contribute to housework I am going to lose it. Husband works 9-5 at a three-letter agency. So that obviously exempts him from housework. Meanwhile, I am working on my PhD, have a consulting business that I run from home, have 2 children under 5 and no nanny or childcare help, and see patients in a private psychotherapy practice 10 hours a week in my clinic. My MIL is routinely passively-aggressively complimenting him in front of me on making time to empty the dishwasher after he spent the whole day at work. She *kiddingly* reminds me that "expecting the breadwinner to come home and clean" was unheard of in her day.

I've gently responded too many times to count that we are equals (I make as much money but even if I didnt/were a fulltime SAHM the expectations that we all carry our weight would be the same).

It only happens 2x per year for annual visits but I am fresh in the middle of it and need to scream about it here so I dont scream about it in my dining room.

</rant>

They also made black people use separate restrooms. Tell her to shove it.

Tell her that, thank God, we're no longer back in her day.

Good job venting here and not engaging. As I'm sure you know women like your MIL only seek drama and you or her husband confronting her would only giver her the fix she craves.

Good luck on the PhD

Your husband needs to tell her, and not "gently" either, to shut it.

Tell her it's not her fault women weren't smart enough to work outside the home. She's probably just jealous she spent her entire life doing dishes.

If I have to hear another "gentle" joke about my expectations that my husband contribute to housework I am going to lose it. Husband works 9-5 at a three-letter agency. So that obviously exempts him from housework. Meanwhile, I am working on my PhD, have a consulting business that I run from home, have 2 children under 5 and no nanny or childcare help, and see patients in a private psychotherapy practice 10 hours a week in my clinic. My MIL is routinely passively-aggressively complimenting him in front of me on making time to empty the dishwasher after he spent the whole day at work. She *kiddingly* reminds me that "expecting the breadwinner to come home and clean" was unheard of in her day.

I've gently responded too many times to count that we are equals (I make as much money but even if I didnt/were a fulltime SAHM the expectations that we all carry our weight would be the same).

It only happens 2x per year for annual visits but I am fresh in the middle of it and need to scream about it here so I dont scream about it in my dining room.

</rant>