How old is she?
Is she in good health and still of sharp mind or do you think that it is just her "age" and assume that as she gets older she will go into a rapid decline. Not all old people become senile and physically disabled.
My dad is going to be 80 this summer -- if you met him you would swear he is not a day over 65.

Anonymous wrote:My elderly mother insists on moving across country away from us. I am her only child and mother to her only elementary aged grandchild. She is single (divorce) for many years. I really can't understand why she is doing this. I will be unable to fly out at a moments notice should she become ill or injured. I have no Emergency funds and not to mention a child who would need to be watched.
I've tried to convince her to move here but she claims her pension will be taxed. When I offer to have her only pay for her Grover IRS in exchange for watching my kid ( I pay mortgage light etc) she falls back on the taxes. I'm pretty positive she doesn't like me but I know she loves her grandchild.

How old is she?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she moving to be be near other family, that has a plan to take care of her? Has she had a checkup recently including mini-mental exam?

No on all accounts. Mentally she fine. Sadly Radom long distances move are her norm. At this age I think it's really a bad idea.

So it's a pattern. It should come as no surprise then. Elderly people often don't realize they are fragile, even if their close circle has seen it for years. This is a train wreck, but if she's still independent, there's nothing you can do.

I guess I know this. It's still sad and stressful-op

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she moving to be be near other family, that has a plan to take care of her? Has she had a checkup recently including mini-mental exam?

No on all accounts. Mentally she fine. Sadly Radom long distances move are her norm. At this age I think it's really a bad idea.

Sorry for my typos. Thank you all-op
This is all troubling to me. But, as PP mentioned, mom is an adult.
-op

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she moving to be be near other family, that has a plan to take care of her? Has she had a checkup recently including mini-mental exam?

No on all accounts. Mentally she fine. Sadly Radom long distances move are her norm. At this age I think it's really a bad idea.

So it's a pattern. It should come as no surprise then. Elderly people often don't realize they are fragile, even if their close circle has seen it for years. This is a train wreck, but if she's still independent, there's nothing you can do.

Anonymous wrote:Is she moving to be be near other family, that has a plan to take care of her? Has she had a checkup recently including mini-mental exam?

No on all accounts. Mentally she fine. Sadly Radom long distances move are her norm. At this age I think it's really a bad idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Do you think her dislike for you is her motive to leave the state?

Wow. I'm very sorry, OP.

Do you have any idea why this might be?

what a stupid post. why why why

PPs are trying to help. Are you doing anything to help?

Thought not.

Anonymous wrote:If she wants to go, wish her well and offer to help her pack. She's a grown woman. If she gets ill or injured she can deal with it herself. Or, if she wants to, she can use all the money she's assured herself she's saving in taxes to fly you out and pay for a temp nanny for your kid.

NP here. I think this response over-simplifies the situation. I think most of us go through three stages of life: childhood, adulthood and the very end, which looks a lot more like childhood than it looks like adulthood. At the final stage, we can't expect a person to take care of themselves, or to bear the responsibility for making all decisions related to their lives and care, any more than we could expect it from a teen (or a toddler).

Treating an elderly person like an adult (PP your response is an example) certainly helps them preserve their independence and dignity, and in some cases it's the only option legally or logistically. But the line between stage 2 and stage 3 in life gets blurry. PP either you're assuming OP's mother is completely in her right mind (you could be right; we don't know), or perhaps you don't feel that children should feel any responsibility for the welfare of their parents in the final stage of life.

Anonymous wrote:
Do you think her dislike for you is her motive to leave the state?

Wow. I'm very sorry, OP.

Do you have any idea why this might be?

what a stupid post. why why why

Do you think her dislike for you is her motive to leave the state?

Wow. I'm very sorry, OP.

Do you have any idea why this might be?

Is she moving to CA? If so, taxes are very high there.

If she wants to go, wish her well and offer to help her pack. She's a grown woman. If she gets ill or injured she can deal with it herself. Or, if she wants to, she can use all the money she's assured herself she's saving in taxes to fly you out and pay for a temp nanny for your kid.

How old is she?

Is she moving to be be near other family, that has a plan to take care of her? Has she had a checkup recently including mini-mental exam?

My elderly mother insists on moving across country away from us. I am her only child and mother to her only elementary aged grandchild. She is single (divorce) for many years. I really can't understand why she is doing this. I will be unable to fly out at a moments notice should she become ill or injured. I have no Emergency funds and not to mention a child who would need to be watched.
I've tried to convince her to move here but she claims her pension will be taxed. When I offer to have her only pay for her Grover IRS in exchange for watching my kid ( I pay mortgage light etc) she falls back on the taxes. I'm pretty positive she doesn't like me but I know she loves her grandchild.