Anonymous
Post 03/17/2016 11:19     Subject: College age, but not a contender
Some people will never have goals. Why not accept him for what he is? Help him move into some sort of full time work.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2016 11:15     Subject: College age, but not a contender
OP here. Yes ADHD is in the picture, executive function issues as well. I agree about some of the programs being full of druggies. One in Utah was definitely out. I think every testimonial video I watched was of a hard drug user turning his life around.
I liked the teaching English option mentioned above. I even like the military, but he needs to mature more.
I like service work. Peace Corps is too hard to get into. I feel like Vista or AmeriCorps also look like a druggie program. Maybe I'm wrong.
Hope to hear more ideas! Links to programs welcome!!
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 22:35     Subject: College age, but not a contender

Has he had a full neuropsychological evaluation to see if there are other issues?

Since we are an ADHD family, as soon as someone says "unmotivated" or "lazy", ADHD pings in my head

I agree with PPs' suggestions of working abroad, but only if he has a clean bill of mental health (managed depression and no other untreated issues).

Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 22:27     Subject: College age, but not a contender
OP,
My daughter had a very unsuccessful first attempt at college- also w some mental health issues. I am looking at 2 options for her- "northwest college support" and " new directions". Check them out.. I have had several conversations with both programs and planning a trip to visit both.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 21:02     Subject: College age, but not a contender
Is he medicated for the depression? If not, that's the first step.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 20:36     Subject: College age, but not a contender
Sounds like he need a purpose, to feel motivation and a sense is accomplishment. Getting out of the family home and being challenged in someway is very important. I also think the military is a great potential option as scary as that may be for a parent.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 20:28     Subject: College age, but not a contender
Have you offered up the option of Community College? Depending on your grades you have auto admission to a number of state schools.

One of my son's friends went on one of those "woods trips". He called it "Hoods in the Woods". Intense time with other "hoods" isn't a motivation.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 20:27     Subject: College age, but not a contender
Military for someone struggling with depression is not a good mix.

I would try and find something that he enjoys. Is it programming? Would he like being a plumber? Cabinetmaker? Graphic Artist? EMT? Nurse? Landscaping? Auto mechanic? Sales?


I would sit down w him and your partner and lay out expectations for the next 6 months to a year. What are the rules for living in the house, what are his expected contributions? How as a team are you going to support him exploring and getting real world experiences.

Can you find 1 class at a trade school / community college that he takes each semester. Commit that as long as he is exploring things in a meaningful manner, you will support him.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 20:26     Subject: College age, but not a contender
OP here. Good suggestions. Thanks.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 20:19     Subject: Re:College age, but not a contender
Anonymous wrote:Would not do wilderness therapy. It is for very troubled kids, is very expensive, and can have dubious staff. They are often affiliated with residential treatment centers and and use the wilderness programs to get you into the RTCs. The whole schtick of the RTCs is that as long a the kids are under 18 (19 in some states) they have no say in whether they stay or go (which would be the kids' overwhelming preference). So in addition to everything else, your DS may be too old.

Outward Bound does have an Intercept program aimed at less troubled kids. I would trust their program a lot more, so that is a possibility.

Besides the military, there are other options.

If you are associated with a church, you might be able to locate an out of the area mission or charitable organization he could do volunteer work with. You would probably have to pay the airfare, but he'd likely get a stipend once he was there. Going overseas would be especially good and mind opening for him.

For another overseas option, could he teach English? This does not necessarily require a college degree, but he would have to get a TEFL certificate, which, I believe can be pretty easily obtained through on line courses.

http://www.gooverseas.com/blog/teach-english-abroad-without-degree





Agreed. I think sending him off to volunteer overseas or work on an oil rig or on a ranch for a few years may do him a world of good. You hear about young men who do that and come back focused and ready for college. I actually think more kids should do something along these lines.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 19:11     Subject: Re:College age, but not a contender
Would not do wilderness therapy. It is for very troubled kids, is very expensive, and can have dubious staff. They are often affiliated with residential treatment centers and and use the wilderness programs to get you into the RTCs. The whole schtick of the RTCs is that as long a the kids are under 18 (19 in some states) they have no say in whether they stay or go (which would be the kids' overwhelming preference). So in addition to everything else, your DS may be too old.

Outward Bound does have an Intercept program aimed at less troubled kids. I would trust their program a lot more, so that is a possibility.

Besides the military, there are other options.

If you are associated with a church, you might be able to locate an out of the area mission or charitable organization he could do volunteer work with. You would probably have to pay the airfare, but he'd likely get a stipend once he was there. Going overseas would be especially good and mind opening for him.

For another overseas option, could he teach English? This does not necessarily require a college degree, but he would have to get a TEFL certificate, which, I believe can be pretty easily obtained through on line courses.

http://www.gooverseas.com/blog/teach-english-abroad-without-degree



Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 18:41     Subject: College age, but not a contender
Encourage him to enlist.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 18:25     Subject: Re:College age, but not a contender
Wilderness therapy seems extreme for him. I know someone in it right now and he was seriously into drugs. All kinds of stuff, pot, acid, mushrooms, coke, as well as all types of prescription meds. He was selling as well and just getting into all kinds of trouble. Maybe there are different types of wilderness therapy but it seems extreme to put your son (who you are saying is just unfocused) into something like that. It's also extremely expensive. Also, I believe you can't force him to go if he's over 18. Again, maybe there are different types of wilderness therapy.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 17:48     Subject: Re:College age, but not a contender
It sounds like the military might be a good option. Seriously.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2016 16:29     Subject: College age, but not a contender
DS age 19 has been struggling last few years, treated depression that is better, but still not focused or engaged in academics, or really anything.
He works part time now. He's not a druggie, but tends to be a BSer, meaning he says what he thinks you want to hear to get you off his back.
Since he's so unmotivated and has no real goals, we were thinking about some sort of intensive program that could help him figure things out. Sort of like Outward Bound, or wilderness therapy. Does anyone have any personal experience with this sort of thing? Have any family members who've benefited from this?
TIA