Anonymous wrote:What sorts of things does she want from you? How much is out there that she can't just buy for herself if you won't help her get it done?

OP here. Haven't checked this in a while. Thanks for all the responses and for all the people who relate. To answer the poster above, she can technically pay for someone else to anything she asks, but a.) she's cheap (despite being in a great shape financially) and b.) she has a sense of entitlement and what family is SUPPOSED to do for her, though she doesn't think she is supposed to do much for others. I ask nothing of her and neither do my brothers for the record.

My sister is like this. She won't call for six months, but the minute she's in a bind, she starts "checking in" every week. Really she just wants money and an excuse to quit her job (she's never kept one longer than 20 months, and it's always because someone is "mean" to her). I'm used to it by now and have long stopped giving her anything, but it's still exhausting.

The worst part is that on the few occasions when I've needed to rely on her emotionally, she's bailed.

I know someone like this. There's no point in calling them out. Over the years, I've found the best thing is to play dumb. However they act, stay disengaged and see it for what it is. When they get around to asking for whatever they've been trying to set you up for, if your answer was going to be no, then so it shall be. They can't manipulate you if you don't engage.

What kinds of things has she asked for in the past?

Ha! Made me think of this:

http://www.theonion.com/article/man-makes-quick-call-parents-so-next-weeks-call-as-52435

I'd call her out on it. "I sense you need to ask me something, what's up?" as soon as the niceties start. I also do not feel guilty saying no to people who attempt guilt trips. Does not work on me at all.

You can say it in a nice way. "How can I help, Larla? What's up?"

Maybe she needs a kidney? Part of your liver?

She wants to send her kids/your mother/her elderly cat to live with you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So don't wait. Say, "do you know you're only nice to me when you need something?"

Yep, just come right out and say it. Say you're tired of being used, and that you expect her to call and be friendly even when there isn't something in it for her, apart from loving sister-kindness.

Oops, just read your answer to the other PP.
You can keep saying it, you know. Who cares if she gets offended and plays the poor me card?
Then you can say: "You always deflect by getting offended and playing the poor me card - that doesn't work on me anymore. Nothing is ever your fault. Stop playing the victim here."

I have said something to this effect before, but she is such a master at twisting things, I end up feeling like I over-reacted. I find it works better for me to calmly say "no." If she seems any emotion from me-anger/frustration/hurt she runs with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So don't wait. Say, "do you know you're only nice to me when you need something?"

Yep, just come right out and say it. Say you're tired of being used, and that you expect her to call and be friendly even when there isn't something in it for her, apart from loving sister-kindness.

Oops, just read your answer to the other PP.
You can keep saying it, you know. Who cares if she gets offended and plays the poor me card?
Then you can say: "You always deflect by getting offended and playing the poor me card - that doesn't work on me anymore. Nothing is ever your fault. Stop playing the victim here."

Anonymous wrote:So don't wait. Say, "do you know you're only nice to me when you need something?"

Yep, just come right out and say it. Say you're tired of being used, and that you expect her to call and be friendly even when there isn't something in it for her, apart from loving sister-kindness.

Anonymous wrote:So don't wait. Say, "do you know you're only nice to me when you need something?"

Ha! I have. She acts offended and then sometimes moves on to complaining about a health issue and how this has upset her so much she is feeling ill. She then moves onto another family member. She has some actually diagnosed health issues which why I don't tell her off. I don't want to stress her out and make them worse, but I no longer let her play the "poor me" card to get her way.

What sorts of things does she want from you? How much is out there that she can't just buy for herself if you won't help her get it done?

So don't wait. Say, "do you know you're only nice to me when you need something?"

Anyone else have a sister or brother who is only nice to you when they need something? So many times I have thought she changed and then a day or week later comes the request. If I say "no" which at this stage in life I say A LOT more often, she tries to guilt trip/gets nasty and/or goes for any buttons she can find to push.

Low and behold she is being freakishly nice to me and actually it's getting to the point of sycophantic-over the top. My husband is totally onto her. I am just curious what it is she wants this time. I will probably know within the next week or 2. She doesn't ask for little favors. It's usually something big. The few friends she has, she works like a puppeteer.. So sad because they are good people. I feel sorry for anyone who works under her. At least I know she's not asking for money. She is at the top of her game careerwise and she saves money.