Why doesn't she call you?

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, you are a priority for me, and I can promise I will do my best to call you once every weekend--that means Friday evening through Sunday evening. But I'm not going to call you on an ironclad schedule like every Sunday at 10 a.m., because life happens, and I don't want you to be disappointed if I miss the 'window.' Let's try it this way and see how it works."

+1

"Mom, you are a priority for me, and I can promise I will do my best to call you once every weekend--that means Friday evening through Sunday evening. But I'm not going to call you on an ironclad schedule like every Sunday at 10 a.m., because life happens, and I don't want you to be disappointed if I miss the 'window.' Let's try it this way and see how it works."

As an adult orphan, this makes me so so sad. You can't call your mom once a freaking week? The woman who gave birth to you and raised you? I hope your kids treat you just as terribly. Disgusting and selfish.

When each of my two oldest kids went to college we instituted a call/Facetime Wednesdays and Sunday nights. Both have now graduated, but we still talk twice a week. If they'll be out those nights, they usually let me know.

But maybe, if once a week is too much for you, you'd feel better if you knew it had an end time. When she picks up the phone say "Hi, I can only talk for 20 minutes" but secretly in your head plan for 30.

Anonymous wrote:My mom had the same deal with her mom and she dreaded it too. Is your mom widowed? How old is she? I would try to avoid the set time and day, especially since it is stressful. Can she call you once in a while? With my mom (and her mom) it was a power situation - the younger one is "obligated" to call the older and the older should not have to lift a finger.

Oops, I see you said mom and dad are healthy. Yeah, no way to the standing once a week stressful call.

My mom had the same deal with her mom and she dreaded it too. Is your mom widowed? How old is she? I would try to avoid the set time and day, especially since it is stressful. Can she call you once in a while? With my mom (and her mom) it was a power situation - the younger one is "obligated" to call the older and the older should not have to lift a finger.

You are having an issue you calling your mom once a week? Come on. Seriously?

If nothing else: Remember the example you show your children will determine how they treat you when you when they are adults.

call her when you have a reason, nothing worse than calling because you "have to" you will find you conversations much more meaningful.

how do you know when you should call? Ask yourself this. If your children did something that you would want to know about would you want them to tell you.

op: She says she wants me to ask her about her post-retirement, part time job. She says she's not good on the phone when I ask why she doesn't want to talk to the kids.

that's not a big ask. Give it a try for awhile.

Tell her you'll call a) when there's something to say; or, b) every two or three weeks.

I'd hate that kind of standing phone conversation. Can you make it a Skype date? And involve the kids? That way maybe it can be more fun and less "let's run down the list of complaints".

I think calling once a week, barring a pattern of abuse, is an appropriate schedule. I wouldn't specify a particular date or time though.

My mom was required to call her mom (my grandmother) 7 days a week, always at 7 pm, for many years, until Grandma died at age 95. It seemed like my mom dreaded this obligation, and Grandma was livid if she was one minute late. I don't want to fall into this pattern. Talking to my mom stresses me out. She is requesting that I call her every Sunday at 10 am. I have 3 dcs, one with serious medical problems. My mom and dad are healthy. Thoughts?